You think I don’t know? You’re wrong.
I can sense you’ve taken advantage of my song.
It’s a gift. Not meant to create rifts.
Thank you for monitoring while my soul floats adrift, in this game of life.
It’s a sea.
Choose to believe, each other.
Do the right thing, use your True intentions;
Be specific when deciding what kinds of things you’d like to mention.
Do you align, and do all of your parts seem to be in order?
Have you taken a look around in your personal, individual quarters-
Before you started dipping all of your hands in others’ arenas?
When you create, in your mind, do you also see hyenas?
Please reconsider, please take a look at your own dial,
Consider how you’ll act when and if presented in a court of trial.
Listen up my dear, it’s okay to be known
It’s actually a really big sign that you’ve truly grown
Accepting all the different parts of your wonder-ful self
Learning how to be responsible for your own personal health
It may not be very easy, but it sure beats the alternative
Your head will screw on straight and you’ll be able to see whose turn it is
Because it isn’t always yours, growing up means at times being self-less
It means it all comes together and finally life feels a little less reckless
You deserve to stand up tall, and give yourself a pat on the back
You went right on through it, you stayed on your right track
And now you’ll get to see some of the fruits of your difficult labor
You’ve learned that your rock hard place exists with your personal Savior
It’s such a beautiful walk, one we would never want to miss
Now this life will not pass you by without getting to experience bliss
How dreamy that someone might dream of me
And if you do, please tell me what it is that you see
Am I a princess, a teacher, or a big scary stranger
Do I make you feel safe or do I lead you to danger
Are we up in the mountains or floating in the ocean
Do we appear whole or irreparably broken
Do we stray far from home or stay very close
Do you find me appealing or am I quite gross
What part of your dream is real and what part is fake
Is it a fleeting thought or unquestionable fate
Do you wake up in a panic or maybe a sweat
Do you question the content, the players, or depth
Or do you dream of unicorns, your family, your pets
Do you dream of your future and your past regrets
Or are your dreams so very off from including me
By so much that I couldn’t quite possibly see
That you were never even really dreaming at all
And my thoughts got too big to see that they were small
The truth is that I’m the one dreaming awake
And I have to figure out what’s truly at stake
I’m finding it hard to get up off the ground
You’d wonder why I stay lost to get found
Too many things going on in my mind
Covering my eyes to declare that I’m blind
What will make you want to take that crucial turn
To put out the icicles that continue to burn
No sense is made in this place where you are
You’ll look very close but appear very far
It’s an endless glass from which you drink all your thoughts
Don’t be deduced by it being labeled store-bought
Let go of your pride, it’s a thorn in your side
Until then it’s by It that you will have to abide
Get cozy in your sludge and the icky-yucky mess
Why do we keep on having to digress
What is this anger that won’t move on through
I want to slough on spirituality, smoke a joint and subdue
Even when my mind’s off, I don’t feel very good
Wishing that I won’t all whilst wishing that I could
I’ll do myself a favor and admit it’s understood
That there’s powerlessness underneath this old and painted hood
I saw you say goodbye
Didn’t even express a sigh
Maybe you were thinking
Of keeping on with drinking
I know it’s been really big
Hard not to take another swig
I’ve sat long enough in that chair
It’s taken a lot for me to share
I used to get really sick
Thinking about facing it
But I’ve gotten tired of the story
Its repetition has started to bore me
I want to see in living color
The feelings aren’t “above her”
Gotta hunker down in the day
Can’t worry about what you say
I wish you all the very best
I hope I passed your test
Please take care of you
Keep on saying what is True
Even if God had said, “just you wait and you will see,”
There’s still no freaking way that I would have ever believed
That despite all of the pain, I’d find myself in this place
With these beautiful people, in this wonderful space
God says, “I had to bend you, but see, you didn’t break,
All the things you thought you wanted, I simply had to take
To give you all the things that I knew your spirit craved
It’s your spirit that concerned me, it’s your spirit that I saved
You see you have to grow, you have to spread your wings
Although you may not realize it, I give you what you need
But please do not forget, you have to do your part
I’ll get your engine running but Dear you must cruise past Start
There may be a few exceptions when your energy is low
I’ll kick things into gear when it’s clear you need a tow
I’ll give you all the signals and the signs that will say,
‘Don’t travel down that road, please go the other way’
It may not be a short cut, it may be a windy path
You may go through arid deserts before you see the plushy grass
Please listen to your heart and keep your nervous system steady
Because with every stretch of road I really need you to be ready
To take a sharp turn here, to avoid the potholes there
And when the weather’s bad you really have to steer with care
And oh you’ll have some fellow travelers on your journey up ahead
You may want to go alone but I made other plans instead
You’ll get a few who help, who may even lighten your load
You’ll get others struggling, with them you’ll be bestowed-
The gift of being of service, of helping another out
And although it may be hard at times, please don’t ever doubt
The journey that you’re on and the lessons that you’ll learn
It’s all so that your soul can grow, even when it burns
I’m so proud of what you’ve done, so proud of where you are
Take a look in the rear view mirror to see you’ve journeyed far”
We need to spend some time talking about your healthy self
Pick up that version, take it down off the shelf
Crack it on open, please, and let’s take a closer look
Let’s peruse its substance like we’re reading a book
How did it start, with some outside motivation
Did you have to sit through an uncomfortable ablation
Is that what it took to kick some things into gear
Did someone start your engine, forcing you to steer
We need you to focus on your health for your Self
Without life, you won’t be able to accumulate any wealth
Focus on your needs, spirit, mind, and body
Be weary of showing up when you’re feeling extra haughty
Keep your poise and balance, don’t let others pull you away
You may need to find a place to stay ‘til you’re okay
And yes your demands may vary from others in your group
It’s okay if they don’t wanna sit around and hang out in your coop
The goal is to learn how to meet all of your own needs
To take care of the things on which your mind, body, and spirit feed
You’re getting there slowly, more things are making sense
You’re building something now with your hands, like a fence
One piece at a time, it won’t happen overnight
You’ll learn patience, and sitting, you might acquire real sight
Listen closely to me, my dear, you are a child of God
And no one on this earth should be able to convince you that you are not
And if they actually try to, please just turn your head
They may not be able to tell but their insides may be a bit dead
Not in the literal sense, it’s more about a lack of deep feeling
Where they can’t tell it’s God’s joy and love that they’re actually stealing
Because their light may be dim, and they can’t see all of the effects
Of their meddling behaviors and the things that get caught up in their nets
But those things they’ll have to deal with, it definitely is not your job
To tell folks when they’re on base or even when they truly are not
Remember that GOD gives out gifts, He is the ultimate decider
He decides when to make you turn from a lover into a “fighter”-
for all of the greater good, you don’t need to be understood
Let others do the work of cleaning underneath their own hoods
The rain came today
it asked if it could stay
Most would send it away
but I was curious what it would say
“I came to wash away
and to let the children play”
And much to my dismay
the rain would have its way
It’s God’s divine creation
from the master command station
Don’t fall for an abbreviation
He will notice your hesitation
Don’t play with divination
it’s not in the presentation
You’ll survive your indignation
pay attention to representation
Thank you for saying what’s real
it makes it harder for others to steal
The passion in your zeal
it can make you seem surreal
But that’s not all of the appeal
you keep two eyes on your rear
You shouldn’t have to watch for deer,
though with time you’ve learned to steer
Thank you for being you
but work on the need to subdue
There’s a lightness in your hue
and some old stuff to un-do
But if I really know you
I know that you’ll get through
There’s a strength in your truth
It started there in your youth
I need to tell you something, Love isn’t supposed to feel bad
I know it’s been confusing because of the types of the “Love” that you’ve had
Love is patient, Love is kind, it asks that you not be selfish
Love will still be there in the morning after you spent the night being hellish
Love is a paradox, it may throw you for a really big loop
Love might turn all your hardest of edges into the puddliest piles of goop
Just when you think Love doesn’t know you, you may be quite surprised
Love will wait patiently for you until you stop wanting to hide
Love is the answer, no matter the freaking question
Love will not get mad at you if (and when) you have to repeat the same lesson
Love can make you feel warm, but at times it could make you feel scared
Especially if you’ve associated pain or loss with the biggest of Loves that you’ve shared
So be patient with your Self, Love isn’t going any place soon
Love will sleep on the floor outside your door until you make some extra room
We can see you running around
And it’s clear to us that you can’t
There’s this giant thing hovering over us
Watching us like we’re ants
Is it is him, is it her, or is it them
Please tell me who pays attention
And to whom do we give all the credit
When we think of a brand new invention
You see there are many parts
Things both inside and out
All things involved are affected
Causing other things to come about
So when your gear is in drive
Please try to pay close attention
Not just to the direction you’re going
But also to the things that you mention
What a world we live in, it can seem a bit behind its own times
It’s something I’d like to talk normie about but it comes out better in rhymes
Mental health and substance use disorders are a very real thing
But it’s easy for us to get really scared when we haven’t had to fight in that ring
This is why it’s so very important that we have all the right representation
So that when we find ourselves in that space we can be sure to use the proper equation
Because without the proper equation, how can we arrive at the answer
We may be missing some pieces to our puzzle that help turn depressed to dancer
Just because you don’t understand it, and maybe never been in those shoes
Doesn’t mean you can’t try a bit harder to stop judging other people’s moves
Listen up, Captain, we’re gonna turn this ship around
As long as I’m in charge, no fucking way we are going down
We’ve got to find the light, it’s tucked way deep down inside
When you start to see it, you may want to run and hide
But let me tell you something, you don’t need to be afraid
All the things you’ll face in life are things that your God made
So keep your eyes open, be curious about what you see
Remember, it’s okay if you don’t know what those things MEAN
Your job is just to make sure that you deliver the message
Because you just never know who that message you give blesses
This is gonna be a new one, so please pull up a seat
Pay close attention to this, you won’t want to miss a beat
We need to discuss a little-big thing, I’ll go ahead and call it “rage”
It’s the kind of feeling that may come-up if someone tried stuffing you into a cage
And I don’t mean in the figurative sense like being “put into a box”
I mean feelings in a human body that make you feel stronger than an ox
Don’t jump to any conclusions, this feeling isn’t quite “good”
It will make you do things in your life that I’m not sure you typically would
Your face gets hot and things get blurry, you may even feel quite faint
You’ll want to take the brightest red and with it the town you’ll want to paint
But be careful with these feelings, they can become in.tense
You may even get to a place where you’re not making a whole lot of sense
So when you get to that place, be sure to go inside
Find that little girl in you, she’s scared and she wants to hide
She needs your reassurance and your everlasting love
And if you can’t muster it up, well then get it from up Up Above
But the last thing you want is for her to feel like you don’t really care
You’ll have to make some space in your life, a little space for her to share
Once she knows her value, everything will calm down
She’s standing up on both feet now and no longer thinks she’ll drown
The next part of this story, will be learning how to swim
It won’t come naturally at all, it won’t happen on a whim
It will take a lot practice, and maybe some uncomfortable growth
But trust when you look at your track record that there are lots of things that you know
Not all, come on now, humanity is a real big hurdle
Don’t try to play the freaking hare, be satisfied with being a goddam turtle
Duality
Triviality
How significant is our nationality?
Do we use it to compare?
Do we sit down and stare?
Do we see it as a means to determine who’s aware?
I’m a writer
A reader
A frequent and constant day-dreamer
It’s a complicated story
One that never seems to bore me
Looking down this path that others tried to pave for me
Is it mine?
Is it yours?
Are there lots of sights to see, or are there many detours?
Will we walk it together?
Can we predict the weather?
Do we all get scared when we use the word “forever”?
I know I do
It’s absolutely true
It’s a concept I try on the daily to subdue
This idea of lasting
An internal kind of thrashing
Will I be able to handle all of the potential bashing?
Only time will tell
No consideration to rebel
I’ll sit and hope for Heaven but’ll readily anticipate hell
Please let me see your abandonment wound
How far does it go, way back to the womb
Have you been tossed around like a Raggedy Ann
And have you ever found the the full strength to stand
Or does it always feel like you fall short at the line
When you go to seek, do you struggle to find
The next step in life, like its path is blank
Finding it hard to tell the difference between Adam and Frank
It all goes back to the opinions on-hand
Everyone seems to have devised their own plan
To my life’s next steps, it seems to be a lot
I love these people, so why do I feel distraught
Can I release this nagging and constant noise
Can I give the existing darkness its voice
And if I do, what will it say
Will it ask me to go or to stay
Can I let them be, the dark and the light
Or will I fall farther into feelings of contrite
Will I dig into my depths for the secret answer
Will I remember that darkness can also be a dancer
The shadow in life, its a part of the walk
But make sure that you watch your mouth when you talk
Especially when people show up to help
Just ignore when their heavy hands leave welts
It’s not personal, it’s just that they can see your pain
And they want you to experience all of life’s gains
Not all will speak your language, and that’s okay
Just watch for the ones who are CONSISTENT and STAY
Ignore ALL of the ones who make fun of you
The ones who think trauma-triggering is cute
Don’t be apologetic when your insides are screaming
Be extra careful when you start to think of teaming-
Up with folks who have “your” best interest at heart
Who draw the line down and point with certainty at Start
Only you can know, but please keep yourself open
The Light creeps in right where you think you are broken
What is your memory? And how does it work?
Does its path have twists, and turns, and quirks?
Does it seem really sharp, then get really dull?
Does it matter how much of your storage tank is full?
Stay keen on all of these things and what they mean
Remember, things aren’t always as they first seem
Stay true to your Self, you know who you are
You DID A LOT OF WORK to make it this far
Others didn’t see it because, well, they weren’t there
So lots of people may poke, and prod, and stare
They’ll wear on your soul to make you feel not enough
They’ll torture you all whilst saying, “GET TOUGH!”
When I think about care, I have to get really aware
I have to put myself in the position to bear
The brunt of the hard when others want to discard
Our nature which is full of paint, fun, and art
The hard is destruction, it takes things away
It takes things a long time after that to be okay
So this is why we have to try hard to listen on the front
Others do it, so don’t be afraid to be blunt
Use your voice, speak your Truth, it remains the way
You can chill, run, go, or stay
The Choice is up to you, but please don’t forget
If you hit a bump, a crack, or make a dent
Please find a way to make it okay
You know deep down that this is the Way
The Truth is, I had to learn the hard way, that I have to pause to think
Got too many opinions on-board right now, I can’t wait to talk to my shrink
People messing with my stuff makes it harder for me to tell
Does this one want the best for me? Does this one wish me well?
My inner guide can get off base when it comes to certain understandings
Other folks seem to get it already, I’ve watched their flight paths ‘n’ landings
My Higher Self, she’s inside, she knows that it’s really up to “Me”
God knows when it’s that time, He decides when it’s time for each of us to See
You may not think you’re ripe, you make not think you’re steady
You may question all the things in life that point to: “Bitch, you are ready”
So align your Self, stand-up, and put back on your crown
Don’t just waste your time when you know you need to run around
Keep your focus on your gifts, and please straighten out your thoughts
So you can tell what comes from within and identify what is naught
Imagination station, do you ever get caught up in contemplation
How deeply do you feel all your suppressed indignation
Does it sit right there on the surface, so that all can clearly see
Or does it hide deep in your depths, do you run when you think about “Me”
When you use your imagination, please, tell me what comes up
Does it happen very slowly, or does it seem fast and abrupt
Do you see the things as inside, or do they seem without
Do they leave you feeling confident or unsure and chock-full of doubt
Do the images remind you of the way things used to be
Or do they come from the future, are you using your mind to See?
And besides any images that arise, what about associated feelings
Do you just sit and observe the damn things or do you get on to reeling
And while we’re talking about feelings, well, what in the heck are those
Are they like the things we put on every day, kind of like we wear our clothes
To me they’re kind of like energy, like a stirring of something inside
The strange thing about these feelings is they can make us want to run ’n’ hide
But the cool thing about energy and feelings, remember, to me they’re kind of the same
Is that sometimes we can really help ourselves out just by giving that shit a name
Now this can be really hard, especially if we’re feeling overwhelmed
It might seem like the sea of life is rocking, forcing us to abandon our helm
But just because it gets really rocky doesn’t mean we don’t have what it takes
It just means that we’ll have to do the damn thing while it all wiggles and shakes
So use your head wisely, take your time, don’t do anything before you’re ready
Just keep in mind that you don’t have to wait until everything becomes extra steady
Seek to find, but don’t rewind (?)
Except in the right circumstances, please be kind.
You may try to unload, and it was not the time.
Please be quiet and hold onto your Rhymes.
Use your True voice that you keep leaving behind.
Day follows night
Season follows season
She is not haphazard
She is both Rhyme and Reason
Reach me down my Tycho Brahe,—I would know him when we meet,
When I share my later science, sitting humbly at his feet;
He may know the law of all things, yet be ignorant of how
We are working to completion, working on from then till now.
Pray, remember, that I leave you all my theory complete,
Lacking only certain data, for your adding as is meet;
And remember, men will scorn it, ’tis original and true,
And the obloquy of newness may fall bitterly on you.
But, my pupil, as my pupil you have learnt the worth of scorn;
You have laughed with me at pity, we have joyed to be forlorn;
What, for us, are all distractions of men’s fellowship and smiles?
What, for us, the goddess Pleasure, with her meretricious wiles?
You may tell that German college that their honour comes too late.
But they must not waste repentance on the grizzly savant’s fate;
Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.
What, my boy, you are not weeping? You should save your eyes for sight;
You will need them, mine observer, yet for many another night.
I leave none but you, my pupil, unto whom my plans are known.
You “have none but me,” you murmur, and I “leave you quite alone”?
Well then, kiss me,—since my mother left her blessing on my brow,
There has been a something wanting in my nature until now;
I can dimly comprehend it,—that I might have been more kind,
Might have cherished you more wisely, as the one I leave behind.
I “have never failed in kindness”? No, we lived too high for strife,—
Calmest coldness was the error which has crept into our life;
But your spirit is untainted, I can dedicate you still
To the service of our science: you will further it? you will!
There are certain calculations I should like to make with you,
To be sure that your deductions will be logical and true;
And remember, “Patience, Patience,” is the watchword of a sage,
Not to-day nor yet to-morrow can complete a perfect age.
I have sworn, like Tycho Brahe, that a greater man may reap;
But if none should do my reaping, ’twill disturb me in my sleep.
So be careful and be faithful, though, like me, you leave no name;
See, my boy, that nothing turn you to the mere pursuit of fame.
I must say Good-bye, my pupil, for I cannot longer speak;
Draw the curtain back for Venus, ere my vision grows too weak:
It is strange the pearly planet should look red as fiery Mars,—
God will mercifully guide me on my way amongst the stars.
Please tell me, where did the time go, and did you see it slip away?
Did you ask why it was leaving, or perhaps if it preferred to stay?
Maybe it got caught up somehow or the clock that tracked it broke
Maybe it needs a brand new wheel or maybe it just needs a Spoke
Please remember when dealing with time it can be such a tricky thing
Images will hit and feelings will stir, it’s hard to predict what’ll bring
But that doesn’t mean we should toss it away, ‘cause it has its very own place
It shares its room with us regularly but occasionally it makes its own Space
It keeps track of all of our memories, and each of the cherished years
It reminds us of the places we’ve been and of moments with all of our Peers
Time can have such a funny way of playing tricks on our minds
Just when you think you’ve caught up to it, you might notice you’re running behind
So don’t let <- time <- “get to you,” don’t all.ways fall prey to its petty little games
Keep the present in front of you, try to look through presence’s frames
Because although we can love our time, it is a very human condition
It puts in place this silly little thing, I’ll go ahead and call it a partition
You know you can’t be in 2 places at once while you are in your physical’s form
But the mind can travel lickety split, it doesn’t play into our physical’s-aim norms
So please use this knowledge wisely, please make sure that you consider time
Try to line up your present and physical experiences with your pretty little mind
How do you choose your words, do you think about ‘em long?
Do you consider whether they’ll feel soft, or if they may feel strong?
And once released where will they seek to find a place to belong?
And were they sung from the deepest pit when you bellowed out your song?
Language is a funny thing, it’s such a weird i-Dea
We tend to prune it like a plant, like an absolute freaking chia
This can be quite hard, especially when words come from our mind
And usually if we’re carrying stuff it makes ‘em that much harder t’find
So what we need to do, is find a space that’s safe
One that’s special just for you, a sacred quiet place
Where things are still enough that you can hear the language of your heart
And it won’t come immediately, it won’t happen from the start
Our goal here is to shift away from using just words or speech
Actions and truth are necessary if we want to get real deep
Because although it seems contradictory, depth is truly the goal
You might think that it is height, but check the source of the things that you know
Be intentional with the words you choose, and with the things that you sew
You took me apart, but not right from the start
You began at my head, then you went for my heart
How can I breathe when you’re pushing but pulling
Is passive aggressiveness still considered bullying
Do the ends justify the means, or is it th’other way around ?
When you look at your thoughts, does your behavior confound…
the folks who are watching you and taking your pulse
Are they happy with the beat, or do they seem repulsed
And is it you, or is it them, or is it maybe just both
We’re all human, imperfect, and in some ways we’s gross
But don’t be afraid, please, to look your self in the mirror
Is what you see reflecting back on the better side of clearer?
Who fills you up? This world or your God?
Or have you finally learned that you need both, you sod
We love you but you’re strange, it’s been a really weird ride
But we’ve pushed all of that crap off and to the side
We’ve shown you the way, the truth, and the light
But you’ve learned your humanity can’t even fathom His bright
You will see the dark, it’ll become very apparent
And others may find that you’re now extremely declarant
Trust yourself, keep going, you’ve come very far
But be aware of your limits as you keep raising that bar
I want to tell you a story about a quiet, precious, little girl
Who spent most of her time in her room where she liked to spin and twirl
In her room was her own place where the world made a lot of sense
But once she stepped outside that door she had to put on an armored defense
Because once outside those walls, she could never be quite sure
She didn’t know which way to go and so some of the time she got lured
The scary thing about this case is she couldn’t always tell up from down
At age 11 she fell in a frozen lake, almost sure that she was going to drown
So now that she’s grown up, it seems not much has changed
Those old patterns and feelings, they seem to be ingrained
Home is the place where she feels that she can be her safest self
The hardest part, it seems to be, is just taking care of her health
Her body, her emotions, and even things with others
Most days life feels much to bear, she’d rather stay under the covers
But the saying on the streets, is that God gave her a gift
But He made sure it didn’t work until she made some big things shift
He had to see if she could hold all the things that she really wanted
Or if she could even choose those things if life presented her with an audit
It has been such a heart-wrenching trip, but please remember your strength
God put you on this bumpy road so you could endure and go great lengths
Please use your life as your testimony to change the way people think
Have you seen my littlest spirit, I lost just a little piece
She didn’t even ask me before she decided to release
I think she got a little confused, or maybe just unsure
Or maybe she met more in life than she felt she could endure
But now I’m ready to find her, because I haven’t felt quite whole
I’ve acted in ways I’m not proud of, I almost even stole
I’ve tried to fill her empty space with every possible thing
With all the things in this life, and even with things in dreams
But none of it has felt quite right as when she was here with me
Since she left, I’ll tell you what, I haven’t felt as real as real can be
So I’m going to make a space, one special and just for her
So when she’s ready to return, she’ll know we can endure
She’ll know it because she’ll see the love that I’ve carefully applied
She’ll see I never let my memory of her willingly slip aside
I’ll wait as patiently as she needs and keep my door unlocked
I’ll welcome her with open arms, even if she opens it but doesn’t knock
I can’t rush her process, it’s really truly hers
‘Cause when I try to control it, it seems to make it worse
So patience is the real key here, and steady careful strides
When the coast feels clearer, she won’t feel like she needs to hide
It really is some tricky stuff, caring for our littlest parts
But when we make them feel real safe, they nuzzle softly into our hearts
I’m here on my knees, I’ve taken my last step
Will this be it…will I win that big bet
The one that I decided to place on my-self
To be responsible for my own well-being and health
To live in the light, and to walk in my truth
Have I lost what little I have left of my youth
It isn’t easy, or fun, and it won’t be a breeze
It won’t get easier, no matter how much you beg or you plead
Because when it got sewed it in, it was sewed very tight
You asked that it not be undone, even when you think, “but i’m right” !
This is the work, girl, it’s part of the deal
The work began when you decided you were going.to.heal!
You’re funny, and kind, and you’ve got a lot to give
You have a lot of your life left to act.u.ally live
Because you haven’t been living, no matter what you say
We’ve watched you hem and haw, you’ve rocked and you’ve swayed
But you’re getting there (slowly) more things are making sense
You’re more open to the world’s insights and beautiful hints
But you’ve gotta stop the hammering on your sensitive soul
There are some things – well most things – where you’re not in control
You will know what’s best for you, you precious little doll
Bet you didn’t see the way up when you took that big fall
Its view is getting clearer, you can almost see the next step
Encourage yourself, every single chance that you get
Listen up please, we need to talk about avoidance
And don’t even try t’give me that look, ‘cause I know it’s of annoyance
Looking directly at “the stuff” is how it loses its grip
PULL IT UP to your eye-level so that it won’t make you trip
You’ll want to free your pathway from any scattered junk
So when you walk and move around you don’t move with extra funk
Avoidance is a tricky one, ‘cause you know it’s just right there
But you’ll do absolutely whatever it takes to keep from having to share
Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve?
Perhaps we’re afraid to make the assessment we know is well-deserved
Yes, of course that’s it, it’s really very simple
We’re afraid if we get real honest about our pain that it might actually triple !
But we can’t, we must, we have to move along
This crap we’ve stuffed way deep down is drowning out our song
And our song is THE THING that we’re meant to share with the world
God took our voice and who we are and with both in-hand he twirled
Can you even imagine, God dancing just to make you?
Then imagine how He’d feel if you didn’t do what He made you to do…
Well don’t, we won’t, it’s really not an option
And if you wish to go that way I’d say err on the side of caution
Lean into your Self, lean into your Spirit, and please don’t be afraid
Keep moving along your chosen path and one day you’ll “have it made”
You’re not broken
You’re healing.
You’re not weak
You’re dealing.
Have you ever been in that very strange place
Where someone asks you to please run at their pace
Where you were told how to act and how to behave
Told how to eat your food and which ones not to crave
It’s such a weird space that we occupy here
Where machines are built [this] way and for [so many] years
Some won’t want you original, a threat to their norm
When you say “this is it,” it may stir up a storm
All over another’s idea of how I should speak my truth
Well, you must not’ve heard about the history of ab.use
You see, its roots are responsible for tendering this fire
Fueled by grit, strength, and a depth of desire
To prepare myself enough to guide the ones who come
Like, what if they show up asking me, “what can be done?” !!!!
Because my answers won’t come from that lost inner kid
Who just said what they were told and did what others did
It’ll come from this adult who carefully constructed a foundation
With God, the right tools, and people-filled love stations
The things that charge and guide me when my light starts to dim
When the path turns dark and the window of sight becomes slim
Because when those storms come, I want my house to be ready
I don’t want to flood with fear and then question if it’s steady
I want to stand on tended ground with a confidence within
That will hold firm when the storms come bringing the winds
When the forecast is changing and its predictions are grim
It’ll be the place that we find ourselves after life fills with Him
If there’s one thing that I know, He weathers those storms
He’s got this super duper, invisible, magical platform
That underlies all that we do if we just follow His ways
You’ll be able to see the light even when the skies appear grey
And it won’t be perfect, don’t forget, that’s already been covered
He gave His own life so that we don’t have to suffer !!!
Can you even believe it!?? It actually really does take quite a while
But you’ve made it through in your own, individual, and unique kind of style 😝
I need to tell you something about your poop: it stinks
And waaayyy worse at times than you may even actually think
And yes you have to do it, it’s a natural biological fact
Just don’t forget to have some awareness during these inevitable acts
Because even though we know you have to doo what you have to doo
Nooo one out here actually really wants to smell your poo !
So when it’s really stinky, please take the proper precautions
And if its scent will drift toward others just ensure it’s not too often
Protect your loved ones’ nostrils from the smelly and foul truth
Most know this issue is fact too, we’re no longer in our youth
You’ve been so brave to learn these lessons, even if they’re late
Don’t forget about the part of life that enacts your inevitable fate
How do you get when it hits you in the face
When someone decides they’re gonna try t’put you in your place
With words, a firm look, or by creating some space
Is it hard not to feel like you’ve suddenly been replaced
With an idea, a phrase, or a fresh set of eyes
Is it a view that you will accept or go on to despise
Will you take it in to settle and weigh its future lesson
Or will you let it push you to a state of surprise-yourself aggression
Well don’t dismiss it when you get a really hard shot to your gut
When a blow hits you hard and there’s nothing in it to rebut
Because it may knock you loose from the stand that you’re on
You may get to see, as an adult, the natural instinct to fawn
But challenge yourself and be okay with things moving around
Even if that movement is in the direction of down
From being too high where you can’t see all of the views
A perspective that might actually make you feel lighter and new
So use judgment, take time, think through every step
Because that approach hasn’t failed you, not quite, not yet
It’s important that you learn to sit at every level
Where you’ll feel torn and tattered, confused and disheveled
Because then you’ll get to see, there are different points of view
You can sit with these and those, all are parts of your crew
It’s humanity, you nut, but you’ve known all along
Don’t dismiss the tune, when sung, of someone else’s song
Let me tell you some things about the ones who will and have raised you
They’re not always the ones who’ll constantly sit back and appraise you
They’ll notice when things aren’t quite feeling as if they’re all balanced out
They’ll pick up on your stirring feelings of confusion and doubt
And know that they may not always resc’you, that’s not evidence of true love
You can get that devotion from the Big Guy upstairs ‘n’ those above
Human love is sometimes soft, but it can also feel really hard
You’ll face challenges and ask yourself what you should keep or discard
But don’t forget that your God will never make any mistakes
He adds things to your life, but sometimes he takes
And taking may mean change, so don’t get so overwhelmed
Have Faith in the One who guides you and heads-up your helm
Some things have to die in order for new things to grow
Open your heart and your mind to the circus that’s God’s nature’s show
You can view it with gratitude, or let things pass you by
But your soul knows the way and how high it wants to fly
Your heart will tell you which ones to hold onto or release
But FYI, your Love’ll knock down walls until your body is deceased
Gently Dear, gently, be careful how and where you tread
Don’t go and mess it up after you just finished making your bed
Not unless there was an error made somewhere along the way
Unless you put on the sheets on wrong and they simply refused to stay
But if that’s not the case, please just try to get some rest
Know that gently in life is funnily, actually, how we become our best
And what I mean by gently, is really just taking it easy
Especially when your bed shakes and you start to feel real queasy
Lay still in your faith and remember that the lesson is just to be
You’ve done your dirty laundry and this path will further set you free
Let me tell you about my God, He’s the God of second chances
You thought He turned his back on you but you missed His steady glances
As soon as you walked in, you immediately caught His eye
He never would’ve let you just unnoticeably pass Him by
But it’s not always that easy, He has some expectations
So don’t go ‘round shouting yet with pure joy and elation
There may just be some things that he also wants from you
Did you think you could get by unscathed just by doing what you do
See the God of second chances, is also one of fairness
Right when you think you’re covered-up you’ll recognize your bareness
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake
A different type of Santa Claus who knows your special fate
But just because you’re given a map doesn’t depict which way you’ll trek
You may find yourself off the beaten-path and fearing for your neck
Because remember when He made you, it was in His very own image
So you’re not Him, you are your own, with your very own gifts and limits
Please keep these things in mind as you try to find your way
Be sure to use your gifts and discernment when confusion comes into play
But don’t get so overwhelmed that you forget about the start
The One who put you all together, including your big heart
It’s clear that it’s a tricky thing, so please work on being patient
We promise you’ll advance along before you become “ancient”
Just don’t get so caught up on being the one who’s always “right”
You’ll find yourself in one big pickle or in frequent fights
Humility and serenity will be found on your future journey
But it won’t be handed to you, you’re going to have to earn it
So open your eyes and pick your head up, put one foot in front of the other
Pay attention to yourself and when.you.can, your “brothers”
When life brings you to a giant fork in the road
How do you determine which way you should go
Is it the appeal of the aesthetic on the path to the right
Or the coziness on the left, where the windings are tight
Is it the feeling you get thinking of one way or the other
Do you consider the weather and how often you’ll take cover
When you find yourself there does your chest get real tight
Do you panic when you worry about which direction is “right”
And when you get on the other side of the turn that you took
Will you get a little ways and want to stop and take a look
Back at the point where your decision was made
Will you ask if this is just a game in this life that gets played
Where there’s a winner and a loser, a number one and number two
Might people stop to stare at a defeated, lost you
Who couldn’t tell which way to go and what things to do
Was your clarity masked by an inner drive to subdue
Will slowing down make you fall over, despite your selection
Will you lose all of your securities and learned protections
Well, please don’t question your choices when the pull told you when
It’s the pull that will tell you, sometimes on a whim
But what you may end up seeing is the pain of being stuck
You’re not supposed to let the choices presented keep you in a rut
This is where self-confidence becomes so very critical
In case in one of your paths appears steeply uphill
A decision will be needed when you get to that space
You’ll have to make a hard choice to get to the next place
And the fork doesn’t mean that you’ll never circle back around
There’s a bigger map of this course that depicts where you get found
So please keep your faith and try to keep moving along
When the path gets real dark don’t just assume something’s wrong
Keep your strength and focus, know that you’re still very safe
So proud of the work you’ve done to get yourself to this place
You can do this. You’ve got it. You’ve always been enough
Don’t lose your hope when and just because the going gets tough
The phone rings, I pick it up, and what do you say?
“Hi dear. Hi little. How was your day?”
But before I can open my mouth to give you an answer
Your mouth opens, and out comes the cancer
The darkness our family has been carrying around
The stuff we take with us into the ground
I don’t want to be trapped in this sticky, black mess
I want it to be enough that I confessed, there’s nothing left
This is the way that we transform our pain
And if you decide ultimately that you’d like to refrain
The saying out there, it becomes very true
You will not be able to mask or subdue
You must transform your pain or you can be guaranteed
It’ll be passed to the littles with lightning speed
As a promise we made and it’s written in the stars
If you don’t do it, they won’t get far
So pull up your boots and lift up your spirits
Lean in closer, make sure you can hear it
Your pain will tell a story about your old self
The one who’s willing to sacrifice their health
Filled with rage and compulsions, confusion and hurt
You’ll feel as if you’ve been tossed around in the dirt
Unworthy of love, you’ll curl right up
It’ll fall on you like bricks, it’ll feel abrupt
But hold on tight and loosen your grip
Trust that you’ll be safe but prepare to be flipped
You’ll gain new vision and need to locate the ground
You’ll have to open your ears and your heart to new sounds
Because once the heavy stuff comes up for air
You’ll be thrown into this deep pit of despair
And besides what you’ll gain, you’ll lose a whole lot
You’ll let go of things before which you sought
It’ll all become clear, and you’ll start to feel steady
You’ll have to pause and reflect before you’re ready
To go the next length, to write the next chapter
To pursue all of the things that you truly long after
So spend some time here, don’t rush along
And don’t forget to remind yourself daily: you belong
Have you ever heard of the schoolyard game, double dutch?
It’s a game of jumping ropes but it can get pretty clutch
Because instead of just one rope, they actually swing two (!)
So it’ll take concentration and practice to show what you can do
Once the ropes start turning, it’ll be close to your time
You’ll have to connect with its dual rhythm and its rhyme
Patience and focus will be imperative to your success
Instead of just one rope, you’ll jump two to prove your best
This could go a couple ways, you could worry about your balance
Or you could pump yourself up for a special kind of challenge! 💪🏼
And if you think there’s been a mistake, well, please check your name for “God”
His mystery’s far too complex for us, it’s simply far too broad
So when your turn comes, please make sure that you are ready
Breath deep, anticipate, and keeeep it real steady
Then explode 💥 into the thick blur of spinning cords
Use your gut instincts, even when your brain and your eyes seem unsure
Because once you get the hang of it, you’ll merge with them like one
With the cords and the ropes around your Being being spun
You’ll learn to question the great fear that preceded this fun
And when it’s all over, you’ll take rest ‘n’ the rest will come undone
You will think this task is over but your training’s just begun
Have you ever heard of a thing out there called keeping the status quo?
Making things appear to all those near that everything’s entire(ly) UNDER-control
Well I’ll tell you now, it’s a bag of dicks ‘n’ tricks, often of the worst kind
Just to stare at the turmoiled state of affairs while exclaiming! 🔥 oh, but I’m blind 😎
One may even consider sacrificing their integrity just to keep from “rocking the boat”
We may do anything it takes to keep everything nice, to keep things in-tact and afloat
We may have to ask, “please hold this wheel, or it might take a big-ass turn”
Driven by all of our fears and all the anxieties that started to swarm and churn
“Hold on tight. We might lose our balance, someone could fall over-board”
So most of the people began grabbing and clinging, a visceral, unique type of hoard
But did anyone pay any attention to the shy little girl that clearly seems to be
A quiet passenger on the boat, but that also appears lost at sea
She’s sitting on the edge, holding on tightly to the spotless and cold railing
She says to the others, weathered in covers, I’d rather have a boat that goes sailing
Because at least on that boat, it’s true to itself, and to the powers that BE
When Mother Nature takes hold, passengers get bold, and finally I experience “me”
Because she’s not just the girl that stands on the world to feel concrete under her feet
She’d rather set sail on an adventure that entails some experiences she defines neat
It may not be popular, it may not be pretty, but at least it won’t end in defeat
She’ll keep sailing along, singing her songs, focusing on her true needs
It really is crazy, how we grow and evolve as time flies
Days turn into months, and then years pass us by
See, we won’t always be the same as we’ve been
And the same goes for others, ‘cause the world it does spin
We’ll expand then contract, regenerate but age
You’ll feel you’d passed through it then recognize “this” stage 🤔
But all that you’re doing is peeling the layers of the onion
And no, I’m not talkin’ about our modern-day Funyuns
The layers of your life, the layers of YOU
The phases of living you’ve been given to “peel” through
Some folks’ may be small, and others’ very large
Some may put down their own to (ex)claim, “I’m in-charge!”
A point I want to make is that onions are very complex
Bitter when raw, but cooked they’re THE best
But the getting there is hard, I personally hate the cutting
‘Cause no matter how you dice it, the tears ! they just start running
Now you may hate onions and say I’m just in my own world
But isn’t that the point? (*Another sliver of onion just curled!*)
Ok let’s not judge our love for onions, but focus on our symbolic own
The one God gave individuals to work with and sow
What we do with what we’re given is up to each of us
How aggressive we peel it, or whether we leave it to dust
But please focus on yours, don’t get all confused
When your onion needs attention, please be sure to prune
You can help others with theirs when the timing is right
Just don’t get too close or take too big of a bite
Thank you for the humor about onions and all of that 😂
Sometimes lessons + stories = teach + distract!
BOTH, what a concept, now you’re getting the gist
All this talk about onions but not one big thing you missed ☺️
This is how it happens, Dear, just little by little
Because God knows you truly, deeply and all the places you’re still brittle
But He also knows your strengths, so don’t think that He doesn’t care
When around a certain issue He flings you up into the air
Maybe that’s the test you’re given, to see if you can fly
Or if on your way tumbling down you simply wave at passers by
This is the price we pay for being one of His beloved
Some days we rise ‘n’ shine and other days we may feel rugged
But no matter what happens, I beg you, please do not forget
To take your sense of humor along, to bring your love and wit
‘Cause these subjects are really heavy, and not only just for you
Think about all the others – you know, your family and your crew
We’re all fighting our battles inside in one way or another
And isn’t it cool that to ease our load we can (at times) lean on each other
You’re becoming aware of just how much others have pulled some of your weight
Don’t over-criticize yourself quite yet, it’s had to do with your lowly state
You’ve come to learn there are 3 different ways that the enemy can creep-in
Generational curses, harm done to you, and your own individual sin
The best news about all of this is that everything is getting clearer
You’ve unloaded a lot, you’ve done the work, you can finally look in the mirror !
You’re getting close to having the strength to help OTHERS carry THEIR loads
And on occasion you’ll be given the chance to listen and forebode
Pay attention to all of the messages that you’ve been gifted to receive
Keep your focus on your goals and continue to build strength in what you believe
You’re doing it kid, stop and take a look around
After a long game of hide-and-seek, look who’s getting found !
YourSELF. It’s YOU. Finding YOUR place in this world
Hasn’t it been batshit just how many times you’ve been hurled
Into some spaces with which others may not relate
You don’t need their affirmation, its absence won’t negate
Your truth of your experiences, they’ve been pretty wild
Overcoming trauma, neglect, and abandonment! 😯 My child!!
It’s been super awesome to get to be a part of
I freaking told you (!!!) that you’re made of sunshine and stardust
Please don’t forget to pause and give yourself some credit
It will help you to feel a sense of healthy pride, if you’ll let it
Because not many would trudge down the path that you’ve cleared
Many have questioned you, mocked you, some even sneered !
But you’ve trusted your gut, and the God that gave you life
You pushed through when He doled out the pain and the strife
You prayed on your knees for the strength and the will
You asked Him to guide you when you could not sit still !
And now you’re starting to see just some of the gifts
Of allowing yourself to dive into your personal abyss
How brave and courageous, and a little crazy, too
But don’t be scared, those who love you will do so for YOU
You’ve learned that time exists as a humanity constraint
But when Spirit steps in, it can do what humans cain’t
Stay on this path, now you’ve found where you’re going
It’s just a matter of time before your healing really starts showing
How will you know if you’re being asked to level-up?
I’m not sure you can prepare for it, it’s gonna seem abrupt
You may feel lost and confused, abandoned and afraid
You’ll do anything to survive… you’ll do whatever it takes
But that is the old you, the one you’re starting to heal
And while it may look ugly at first, it’s a really big deal!!
Your awareness of your patterns is how they start to shift
Awareness will fall upon you, it may even cause some riffs
But now it won’t be the same as it’s been in the past
The lies that you told yourself, well, they just won’t last !!
Your ultimate truth is starting to come up for air
To help pull you out of your deep pit of despair
You can have all of your feelings, thoughts, and emotions
Just don’t create – when you can control it – unnecessary commotion
Especially not with others, you must stay in your lane
You know it’s not their fault when you’re “going in-sane”
And if they do in fact contribute to the pain that you feel
Create distance, don’t sweat it, just keep keeping it real
Find your center, use your sight, and be very clear
But be willing to examine all angles and how each one appears
Parts will remind you of the Big Book’s step four and step five-
Your gears will shift from reverse, to neutral, to drive
You understand now that virtue exists in your mind
Don’t look at what you’re doing then exclaim, “but, I’m blind” !
Now you have some knowledge, some tools, and some of your peeps
Don’t be afraid to join your crew, your people, the freaks!
Now this part’s really hard, you’ll have to be brutally honest
But these are the times — heavy times are upon us!
So you must purge, let it go, please lighten your load
Don’t let any-one push you to the point you explode
Learn to keep your cool and focus on the task at-hand
The ones labeled yours, that are YOURS to command
And let others have theirs, they have their journeys, too
It’s not always your work, it’s not always about you!!
Oh and here’s one thing you’ll really have to start to absorb
Put it on repeat: your actions speak louder than your words!!
You’re doing great, a little wobbly, but you are gaining ground
Don’t forget to enjoy, don’t forget to pause and look around
Baby steps is how you get there and you’re doing just fine
Keep your eye on the prize, next let’s focus on the mind
What do you say when you can’t find the words
When their selection might determine what ends up being heard
Sometimes I have thoughts, and other times I’m blank
And sometimes it gets jumbled all together if I’m frank
As I started coming into a deeper awareness
I started thinking about things, like duality and fairness…
Or what makes me me, and what makes you you…
When you’re not sure about life, what do you do
Do you stay where you are and ask lots of questions
When life drags you around, do you seek out the lessons
Do you pick yourself up at every which turn
From all of your experiences, do you try to learn
Because life will give you moments that were made just for you
Opportunities and trials for you to work through
Don’t see them all as just big bumps in the road
Get out your tools and start trying to de-code
You’ll know that you were meant to be where you are
Because God put you underneath that sky and those stars!
And if you get scared, just know that it will eventually get better
Pray, go easy, and don’t apply too much pressure
But also know when to give yourself timeout
Watch for any stirrings of confusion or doubt
Don’t hurt the people who are extra sensitive and sweet
The ones who you think are super real and pretty neat
The people who came into your life solely to enhance
Don’t abuse, confuse, or fall into a trance
Be honest with yourself and always wear your authenticity
If things get overwhelming shift to genuine simplicity
Keep your intentions pure and if you find there’s been an intrusion
Love yourself hard, purge the feelings, it might be in seclusion
See, energies will creep in so you have to pay close attention
It’s an art to work it down, it’s a WAR OF ATTRITION
Thank you for your part, it sure as shit hasn’t been easy
But with all of this practice, it’ll become easy-breezy
We call this, “conditioning,” you should be very familiar
But this time, darling, you’ve been given the chance to reconfigure
Your innards, your wiring, and what is written in your heart
What you didn’t know when it was being mauled and torn apart
Was that you would be the one who gets to put it back together
And with the team that you picked, life will just keep getting better and fucking better!!
I spent most of my life having faith in all of them
Most of them I considered trusted family or friends
Were their intentions good, did they have a firm grasp
Of the ideas they projected upon which I clasped
Or did I get confused when others tried to impress
Their ideas onto me if their minds were hard-set
Well now I’ve arrived at the part where I begin
I’ll no longer allow my head to fall or to spin
I can listen to their words but still make up my mind
About who I am, it’s not by them I’m defined
So as I keep going, I will do what I need
I’ll keep the ones close who’ll help me succeed
In understanding my Self, my morals and values
Please present your steady attention, shall you?
I believe that everything here happens for a reason
That people are there for a lifetime, a reason, or a season
That when we feel doubt, we need to amp up our faith
And remember that in His eyes we’re not a disgrace
There may be some heavy things that come up for air
They need lots of love, we can’t fall into despair
We trust that if we’re suffering we must’ve been gifted
With this task of healing, we’ve never really drifted
Far from the places that we must stand tall
Always ready for a serve, a spike, and a fall
For all of us here these paths have been chosen
And any pot in which we’re planted we must grow in
It could be weeks or years, maybe even decades
We can survive mental health, break-ups, and plagues
The trick is to believe that anything is possible
Yes we could focus instead on the probable
But life is guaranteed to throw you some curves
You’ll try to jump, to dodge and then swerve
But most of the big stuff, it was written in the stars
So no matter where you go be sure to stand for who You Are
You were flung up real high and then taken down low
A serious breakthrough occurred, don’t you know
You felt it in your body, it shot up and down your spine
Intense shaking and sweating, you started to unwind
The energy was overwhelming, as it can often be
But when you came out of it found that you could clearly see
There was no more uneasiness, no more masking heavy doubt
You suddenly knew what you needed and couldn’t live without
What you’ve come to see is that it’s all part of the plan
God had to take you up and down to teach you how to stand
I know it can be very scary, you saw an awful lot of things
But please reflect on how much clarity those sights and images bring
There was a little baby, wrapped quietly on a table
In front of a window with a cross, the sight appeared quite stable
But what you didn’t know is what the image helps portray
A symbol of the One who knows you and who always stays
So even when you think you’re alone and that no one really cares
Remember the love of the One who made you never can compare
So pick your head up, open your eyes, and continue seeing clearly
There’s a ways to go in this life, so tread light and hold it dearly
How do you look at things, from which angles
Do you hold them real close then up high so they can dangle
Do you look from far away, then turn them upside down
Do you stand on top and then spin them around
I’d like to share with you about something called perspective
It might require that you pause and get a bit reflective
It’s all about how you choose to look at every thing
How you perceive the good and the bad that things bring
For example, when you begin looking at a loss
You might be examining what you paid, as in cost
But what you might be missing is cost as in investment
Which can be hard to see, especially if you were an adolescent
You might’ve lost a lot, you might’ve really strained
But you’ve gained so much more that your vision must change
Practice framing your stories in a positive light
Don’t only focus on their elevation, your plight
Especially not the ones you try to kill yourself for
It takes them too, sometimes you can do nothing more
Adopt the understanding that you can’t win them all
Sometimes you’ll stand, other times you’ll fall
What’s so important is that you just keep on going
Even if it’s not clear, all of the “knowing”
What’s taken place, it was written in the stars
From your fated place, you’ve never strayed far
You get what is needed: people, places, and things
When it feels really good, and even when it stings
So don’t forget to reconsider when you start to reflect
Just when you think you know, double-check
‘Cause there’s a holiness in all things, even the pain
You might see a loss when there’s also a gain
So keep on practicing, it’s a very important lesson
Once you get going, we’ll move onto the next one
No one can save you, you have to save your self
You have to fix your life, your perspectives, your health
If you don’t, unfortunately, neither can “they”
No matter who comes, who goes, or who stays
See this is adulthood… it can really be hard
You’ll wade through your karma, your past, its shards
You’ll blame other people, then look in the mirror
Your sight, if you work at it, will keep getting clearer
You’ll see them and they, she and then he
Then one day you’ll wake up and be shocked to see “me”
Now this is the part where you’ll want to give up
Because some of your decisions, when examined, they’re rough
You’ve been selfish and self-centered, you’ve blamed and shamed
You’ve labeled others’ demons, you’ve called them names
This started in childhood, when the chaos was rampant
You didn’t know when it was coming ‘cause you didn’t plan it
When the big people flailed, you had to learn to tell
Will this end in glory, or will I wind up in hell
Do I need to play it soft, sweet, and kind
Or do I need to “put up my dukes” and defend from a bind
But I’ll tell you something sweet, much sweeter than this
Life will give you good stuff you won’t want to miss
You’ll find love and friends, adopted sibs and parents
You’ll go on trips, tours…fulfill God-given errands
And yours are for you, so please don’t compare
We’re all of God’s children, special and rare
Stay present for your life, its gifts and struggles
When a fight comes up, show ‘em your knuckles
But when it gives you beauty, try to just rest
You can be totally relaxed and still be your best
As a matter of fact, God wants you to know
You’ve gotta take a break from lugging baggage in-tow
Thank you for deciding to try to be responsible
Just wait until you see what it can all make possible
Sit still, with your hands in your fucking pockets
Even if your body ‘n’ mind feel like fucking rockets
Look in the mirror, tell me what do you see…
In the reflection: is it you, or is it me?
At times I get confused about whose burden I’m carrying
But sadly, not in whose backyards I keep on burying
This weight and these feelings that are hard to slough off
Have to watch who you share with, or prepare to be scoffed
See when you’ve lived for so long outside of your reality
Other topics become enticing, like spirituality and mortality
But be careful where you’re swept, to help you forget
Don’t tune your mind solely to a channel that’s pre-set
Use your wit, your instincts, your knowledge, and guides
Don’t get stuck in the confusion that swirls in your mind(s)
Stay in your body and learn how to breath
Pray like you mean it, on your goddamn knees
This life isn’t over, there’s so much more to do
Focus on the ones who are there and part of your crew
Not the ones who ever made you feel … at all … like there’s something wrong with you
I’m sorry that I don’t know how to let go
It’s like the answers are in front of me, but I don’t want to know
It’s easier to pretend that something is when it isn’t
Wipe your eyes child, I thought you had 20/20 vision ?
….See, YOU(R) awareness is attached to YOU(R) experience…
And yes, about it, you tend to be very serious
But you have to remind yourself where YOU-ARE
And you can’t forget, others from afar
It takes consideration, and yes this is new
And you’ll have to work at lessening the amount you subdue
Your feelings and experiences, they’re all part of it
And we already know, “fine, [you’ll] face but not love it” 🙄
You see, life is all about walking the walk
If at any point, your mouth is going to open to talk
Don’t be about all of the smoke and mirrors
Step into your experiences and look a bit clearer
Every place you find yourself, that’s where you are
And you know your God, so don’t ever think you are far
From the intended location of your current presence
Think in symbols, and the the fear will start to lessen
Thank God for each day that you have on this earth
Even when it feels like you’re dying (often and) slowly by bursts 🔥
There’s a flow to life, the way that it goes
The way it moves, shakes, rattles and rolls
It’ll bring you to your best, and show you your worst
It’ll make you come in last, then put you in first
You’ll think that you know, and maybe you do
But let time pass, live life all the way through
There’s a cycle to existence that never really stops
It’s still moving, even when out bodies drop
But what you’ll come to find as the clock hands tick
Is that your team, they’re the ones that YOU and God picked
Sometimes that’ll be him, or her, or them
Other times, on your own self and God you’ll depend
But please don’t give up as folks enter your world
The next decades you’ll find your self being hurled
Into the lives for which you’ve got to fight tooth and nail
Sometimes you’ll feel weak and other times pale
But the body can withstand more than you know
Don’t let its deceptions cause delay on life’s show
Step into the light and claim your rightful stake
You know the path, the way, and your fate
I cannot believe that you’d throw me away
After all of the prayers prayed out loud that I’d stay
But tell me, if you pray to an invisible God
Is it the same as throwing your wishes into sod
Do you leave them for bugs and misfits to take
Did you charge them with energy but leave their labels blank
Did you walk through the doors with your consciousness off
At the curious mind, do you continue to scoff
This part of life will catch up to you soon
It’s early morning and the alarm rings at noon
I don’t have the answers, I’m not that kind of One
I’m just here to say that this path will be done
Change is the thing you’re always guaranteed
You won’t always get what you want but instead what you need
Go with the feelings you have when they’re there
But don’t forget to use your mind too, when it’s aware
Make friends with the people who stay by your side
The ones who are there when you say ride or die
Wade through the muck, please do what you need
This honest, hard work’s very necessary to succeed
If you don’t unravel your personal confliction
It’ll be hard to overcome your powerful addiction
See you went from repress, to suppress, to escape
Because you discovered it’s easier to manipulate the physical along the way
To wrestle the mind can really be draining
Especially if at work you spend a lot of time straining
Balance is a thing upon which the universe relies
Be friends with your mind, it’s nothing to despise
It works hard and fast, to take care of you
Looking for “reasons” so that it can subdue
These feelings in your body that want to come out
It’s yearning for you to allow it to scream and to shout
Don’t trap them inside, that game’s getting old
Opportunities are arising but your plate’s getting cold
Feed yourself from the deep pit of your stomach
Its outside’s not flat, but learn how to love it
Parent your child, who needs you to be
As honest as you never even thought you could be
Trust your guides, yourself, and your learned knowledge
Hurry up and get through the necessary college
Your calling is waiting for you to catch up
And please remind yourself daily, you’re enough
Use your Will to will
So you can stop feeling you’re being pushed down a hill
Step into your Light
Knowing that by nature you can’t always shine bright
Accept who You are
It might not’ve felt like it, but you’ve never been far
Stand in your Place
Keep creating, staking, and owning your space
Use your real Voice
For the ones near you who may not always have a choice
Remember your roots
So that you and your company will remain in cahoots
Practice humility
Don’t abuse the divine gift you’ve been given in your abilities
Stay in your lane
Remember, you’re not God, don’t act so in vain
Cherish your life
Despite all the loss, heartache, and strife
The truth is, you’re free
You’ve just struggled through healing your poor little me
Open your eyes
Life no longer has to remain cloaked in disguise
Lift your head up
And remember that I AM THE ONE who fills up your cup
Pat yourself on the back
For climbing the mountain to get back on track
Love yourself first
The Love that you emanate might quench someone’s thirst
Try to just be
That is always where you will find comfort in ME
There’s a well of sadness residing deep within me
I buried it long ago so that no one else could see
The pain that I feel, it’s too much to bear
If the floodgates were opened you’d stop to stare
Where do you start when you feel you’re at the end
Of your wits, your strength, and your ability to tend
To your needs, the hurt, and the pit of despair
Take your hands off your throat and please come up for air
This life isn’t a race, all you really have is now
Let the tears fall from your eyes and the sweat from your brow
Don’t run from the pain, the secret’s in the depth
And you know what they say, even “Jesus wept.”
Reach with your mind and stretch with your heart
Don’t be afraid when you’re ready to embark
On a journey about learning how to let go
Of the wiring that says, “I must be in control.”
It sure served you well as a very young child
It took the severity of it all from extreme to mild
It gave you the power to set some boundaries
When everyone around you just kept on floundering
So inside you went, and you locked the door
The careless ones around you made you feel abhorred
At their inconsideration just flying around
No one would reach up to pull it back down
So away you went, leading your charge
You were armed and equipped with protective garb
You fought off the feelings of less-than-enough
You stayed walled-in and guarded, appearing tough
But the truth is your heart is big and it’s soft
This Who-You-Are’s starting to peel the layers off
It’s time to step into your Authentic expression
You’ve done loads of work and learned tons of lessons
One day at a time is truly all we have
But the memories are yours to cherish and amass
You’ll know when you’re ready to challenge your pain
It might be on the downslope of going insane
Or that’s what it feels like, a landslide of sorts
Your mind will scramble and your body will contort
The process is something like being reborn
You’ll be filled with elation, then flooded with scorn
The light will be so bright you’ll feel you’re floating around
Then day turns to night and someone stuffs you in the ground
And nothing can ever really be predicted
Because none of the days feel the same when conflicted
You’ll be ready for the end if you can just turn the corner
But with every single turn comes a new set of orders
Challenging your pain is somewhere at the top
It means you’ve arrived at the place where it stops
Where the fear of something new has shrunken enough
Where the idea of stretching yourself doesn’t feel quite as tough
Where you know you need to go if you want to really see
How beautiful your gift of life can ultimately be
Tell me when you feel the weight of your Spirit
Or the sound that it makes, lean in so you can hear it
It’s with your human self that you’ll have to assess
It’s in your body that you’ll ultimately have to acquiesce
You can’t gauge the infinite in a limited being
It’s not with your eyes that you do all your seeing
You’re both, can’t you see, it’s why you get confused
Your humanity gets in the way and senses get misused
You play roles in waking life and then doze off to sleep
Then you fall into your dreams equally as deep
You’re just as there as you are when you’re awake
You have equal amounts invested and at stake
In your conscious and subconscious, they both play a role
When you try to make sense of them you fall into a hole
Of your thoughts that never really seem to slow down
If each were a drop of water you’d surely have drowned
I know you get tired of the pulling confliction
It’s being stuck in the middle that feeds your addiction
To staying in the dark where it’s hard to clearly see
Where tears pour from your eyes and your heart bleeds
Stay soft, little girl, ‘cause the battle sure ain’t over
Lean in close and get to know your inner warrior
What do you say when you’re going to leave
And the thought of it just takes you down to your knees
But you can’t seem to stop the path that you’re on
You think you’ve arrived at the dark’s newest dawn?
Well, my child, I hate to have to say
This is the plight, the path, and the way
It’s all part of this crazy life that you chose
And I know that sometimes it really does blow
But keep moving on and take that next step
Even if the path doesn’t appear direct
All of these losses, they’re part of the plan
Your only part is to make sure that you stand
Up from the falls and the spills that you take
I know it feels like you can’t catch a break
You’re strong and sensitive, that’s how it is
At some things you’re poor, at other things a whiz
Take what you’ve got and give it your best
Stop treating it like you’re taking a test
Whose grade defines your rank amongst the rest
Life is so much more than that
And if you keep your focus, you’ll always adapt
Please, don’t go.
I already love you, you don’t even know.
Please take my hand.
I want you there when my legs won’t stand.
Please love me, too.
You came to me just as fast as the wind blew.
Please hold me tight.
I’m afraid without you, nothing will feel right.
Please grow with me.
And be open to believing in what you may not see.
Please touch my face.
And trust I’ll always be a comforting place.
Please understand.
My life can be chaotic, and other times grand.
Please come along.
And help me to write and sing life’s truest song.
Please don’t give up.
Especially if and when the going gets tough.
Please, don’t go.
I always will love you, you don’t even know.
Reading, writing and arithmetic
Throw me at a wall and watch me stick:
Done. I mean, just for the moment
Because part of me knows it’s mine and to own it
But I’ll tell you something about the weight of it all
You stand right up and without a doubt, fall
I know it’s my fault that I’m staying stuck
I know it’s not that I have bad luck
My mind feels broken, it always takes the wrong turn
Self-sabotage and shame start to swarm and churn
I always set it up so that one of us leaves
Which affirms the cemented and repeated belief
That I’m so defective and that they all go
And isn’t it fucked that I actually know
That I feed the cycle that I hate so much
That I’m conscious of the bullshit and the crutch
I also know that my mature adult’s here now
I always see her, there to help and show me how
But I brush her presence off, it’s easier to do
Because loving encouragement is not what I’m used to
And the pain feels too much to bear
To feel the hurt when I become aware
It feels like it must’ve been just yesterday
That I was running inside after a long day of play
Only to be met by a reality that hurt
I should’ve just stayed outside in the dirt
Because at least Mother Nature would hold me dearly
Her devotion and love I could always feel clearly
But home was riddled with chaos and confusion
Most of the time, reality was an illusion
It’s where my core wound began to set in
Where so many days the tie went to him
Where I stood outside her door that was locked
And with tears in my eyes, softly I knocked
The silence that followed would usually be met
With a desire, a hope, and a prayer to forget
The deafening sound of not being chosen
No wonder I became so numb and so frozen
But I know why it all had to happen that way
And why most of the people who come don’t stay
To teach me how to start choosing myself
To start to prioritize my heart’s value and health
To make sure that I’m ok no matter where I am
And when I’m weak to learn to take my own hand
It still isn’t easy, this lesson I’m learning
Opportunities arise and I feel all the churning
Of emotions that got trapped 20+ years ago
The ones that block any rationality I know
But I’ve learned over time to find a quiet space
Where I can go back to that dark and heavy place
To show my little girl she’s not trapped anymore
To pick up her devastation and show it to the door
The days are getting fewer and farther between
You’ve accomplished so much more than it seems
Keep on going, and please don’t ever question
When people show up to teach you life’s greatest lessons
It’s the end of the decade, and look where you are
I bet you didn’t think you’d make it this far
In such a short time, I know it felt like ages
But rapid-speed is how quickly you moved through the stages:
Childhood re-lived, you had your rebirth
It was horrifically painful – it felt like the first
You learned to be dependent, a hard one for you
But you kept your faith and found peace in the clues
Next you learned to crawl, and that movement was slow
To prove you don’t always dictate the pace at which you go
Then you learned to walk and you were well on your way
And the choice became whether or not to go or to stay
But once you got the hang of it, you realized it’s all the same
You’re always right there, no matter the place’s name
By this time you’re running and you’ve found a nice pace
Despite the quick movement, you know that life’s not a race
There are things in control that are much greater than you
You’re part of it all but you’re just a bite of the stew
I know it’s strange, the happenings that go on
The symbolic shifts through the dark and the dawn
It’s hard to talk about them because not everyone sees
Even though they may say it, it’s still hard to believe
That the universe is magic by the definition we learned
It exists when life feels soft and when it’s firm
If we can open ours eyes to what’s right in front of us
Everything else that goes on well, we just have to trust
When the skies go gray and the temperature gets hotter
Just keep chopping wood and carrying water
Wouldn’t it be crazy if she were the one who stays
Who despite your deficits, accepts you in all ways
What if she allows you to let your heart break
And stands by your side when you can’t find the strength
Believing in your power and your will to make it through
She makes you believe there’s nothing that you cannot do
You feel it in your heart when she looks you in the eyes
It seems different than the past deceit and the lies
There’s a realness in her vibe that’ll soothe your shaky soul
Her warmth and presence will fill your heart’s gaping hole
And your body will sing when she touches your face
Next to her side will become your new favorite place
Don’t push her away, make sure you do what you need
With this lovely being, you won’t have to plead
Trust her when she says that she sees you for who you are
And that when you really need her she won’t be very far
Let go of the belief that you’ve been carrying around
You know, the one that weighs you the fuck down
You deserve the love she’s showing up to give
It’s time you take your life and truly start to live
Do you know how I can tell that you are incredibly smart?
Because you have the wits to protect yourself, and that sweet and wild heart.
Have you ever really wanted to change
To expand and shift your previous range
Of understanding, emotions, and relationships-
You’ll blow-up your perception, it’ll explode into bits
To face a dilemma that’s never really shifted
Please return from the place to which you unknowingly drifted
Be ready to open your mind to the truth
At first you may feel subjected to what they call “fake news”
Because realities feel firm, it can seem we’re defined
By the present situation presenting in our minds
But the truth is, you really have the will to choose
You don’t have to walk around wearing that artificial noose
If you jump into your skin, you’ll ultimately find
You aren’t really the sum of the workings of your mind
At least not thus far, but it’s getting stronger
Your consciousness is waking up, it can’t sleep any longer
So tell your animalistic, wired-wrong amygdala
It no longer has to feel ruled by the Emperor, Caligula
You’ll see when you get there, as you usually do
But we appreciate you paying close attention to the clues
Keep your hopes high, and your courage ever-steady
Everything comes to you in perfect timing: when you’re ready
Life’s a funny thing I’d like to talk to you about
It’s this thing that even with Faith you can doubt
You might often swing from the left to the right
You’ll feel safe at times and others full of fright
It’ll take you up high and then sink you down low
Sometimes it’ll feel fast and other days slow
Relationships will feel easy and then they’ll feel hard
You’ll want to hold onto things you’ll later discard
Confidence will show up and then it’ll leave
God will give you challenges then send a reprieve
People will be there one day and the next day gone
You’ll doubt yourself then become someone whom you can rely on
It’s a tale that will be told until the end of time
You can discuss it directly or with a rhyme
But one thing’s for sure, it’ll keep you on your toes
Don’t feel discouraged by the highs and the lows
There’s an energy at work that always has your back
Whether you’re holding space for the advocate or you’re on the attack
So take it slow and try to stay in the moment
And when you fuck up, try to just own it
Stay in your Truth and give into the flow
Accept the compliments and brace for the blows
Because it’s a beautiful dance with which you can sway
Just be sure to show gratitude and to pray along the way
I wish you would please tell me, what ever is the trick
To figure out the messages and to make them stick
I’m not talking about the black stuff that my feet get stuck in
And not the place I put my head every time it starts to spin
Where’s the assurance of what really is the Truth
And where’s the confirmation that there’s really any use
To always being the one who’s trying to figure it all out
Everyone else just seems to want to scream and shout
But don’t we all deserve it, to get to stand in our Light
And to lower our fists when it comes to the knock-down drag-out fights
What if we maybe tried using some of our words
And what if that way we actually ended up being heard
By just being honest about what’s truly on our hearts
And trust me, I get it, that’s the hardest fucking part
Because if you’re anything like me, you’re not always very clear
About which thoughts and feelings to share as they appear
Is this one old? Is this one True? Or is it the same old lie?
My mind tends to make things up which leads to my demise
Life is funny, and I’m not sure it’ll ever really be solved
What seems to happen is that we just continue to evolve
Watch what you say but don’t say what you watch
Not everything you think qualifies as thoughts
Sometimes they’re words swirling around in your head
Other times they’re daggers and then someone’s dead
Isn’t it funny, how much you’ve spun all your wheels
How you’ve gritted your teeth and dug in with those nails and those heels
You haven’t made it easy along the path that you chose
With that said, despite it all, you continue to grow
It doesn’t always look like it at very first glimpse
It’s been heavy and dark and overwhelmingly dense
But isn’t it magic that you found all of your people?
And together above your head they’ve constructed a steeple
So that no matter where you are, that’s where you’re met
On this spiritual path created to help you forget
Who you thought you were via what happened to you
In this life, the pain and the abandonment you’ve been through
So these ideas will fall away as you keep moving along
You’ll start dancing to the beat of your soul’s truest song
The trick is to do what feels right for your being
Not everyone around you will be able to see what you’re seeing
They haven’t walked your path with your sensitive heart
It’s never been their journey to finish or to start
They can help you along and love you all the way through
But at the end of the day, please do what you have to do
As long as it resonates with your soul and your walk
You’ve never been one who liked just talking the talk
Thank you for your honesty, it’s been a huge help
In playing the hand in this life you’ve been dealt
One day at a time, it’s such a beautiful gift
And even though it feels like it, there’s not one beat you’ve missed
It’s the middle of the night and I’m writing again
Living life as if just around the corner there’s an end
To this struggle that I’ve had since I was a wee little tot
The problem is I didn’t have to give it any thought
My feeling body shut down so I was completely numb
And I convinced myself along the way that I must’ve been dumb
But the opposite was true and I just couldn’t see
All of the gifts that I had if I could only be me
Well isn’t it funny that now I’m back in that place
In that safe, familiar, and seemingly rotten space
Of trying to numb because now my feelers are on
And for two+ years the wall of protection’s been gone
So now I’m just hurting but also unwilling to listen
And I’m sure that the lesson is to love myself without condition
But my patience is wearing and my desire to arrive
At a place that my ego keeps trying to contrive
Is blowing up bigger than I feel I can stand
My ego is taking over and has become something grand
It’s laughing in my face while it continues to resist
I get the ball rolling and its clinging just persists
I fall flat on my face and when I look up I see
People laughing and staring at this oblivious me
Who doesn’t know which way to go or how to overcome
I’m afraid if I don’t get it someone will call this game done
So I spin my wheels everyday wondering how can I “win”
But I can’t even fucking find the willingness to begin
It’s like the answers are staring me right in the face
Still I brush them aside and on my forehead write, “disgrace”
Because everyone around me knows it’s a matter of choice
When I open my mouth to tell ego it cuts off my voice
I’m tired of the fact that I keep myself here
In pain, suffering, waiting for willingness to appear
I’m equally as tired of hearing myself bitch
As I victimize myself when to the poor I seem rich
I wish I could just sit without the feud inside
That’s what the drugs and the food are trying to provide
But shit doesn’t work so you’d think I’d just stop
‘Cause when the voices start back up again the place-marker drops
I don’t know what to say lately when I write
It’s not even like there’s some kind of fight
Going on inside like there usually is
But I’ve been tangled and mangled and caught up in biz
I can feel all the tightness as I go about my days
And I can’t even believe all of the different ways
I try to detach from what’s inside, the way that I feel
Even though I’m on this path to help myself heal
Isn’t that funny, the way that it works?
The path has twists and turns and quirks
It’s a journey of the spiritual and humanity kind
Some days even with your spirit lens you’re blind
So you whirl and swirl, you spin and you turn
For weeks and months you lay around and yearn
For the day when all of a sudden the fog starts to lift
And your awareness and your perspective start to shift
It’ll be clear to you why it’s happened this way
And why all of these dues you simply had to pay
There are no mistakes and you know the drill
Yet you seem so tortured so many days still
But that’s ok, you’re still doing great
And it’s hard to interrupt your inevitable fate
So keep your head up, try not to sink low
And trust if you’re meant to be there you’ll go
It’s a bitch I tell you, this humanity thing
But think of all of the gifts that you’ll bring
To your family who has been your main focus
And you’ve experienced a lot of crazy “hocus pocus”
But you’ve learned not to judge and that’s really key
For becoming who you’ve always really wanted to be
Someone who can hold space for those when they struggle
And when they feel they’ve been given the world to juggle
So keep trudging on and trust your path
And when it gets hard remember, “this too shall pass”
This awakening shit ain’t for the faint of heart
One day it’s light and the next day it’s dark
It reads on your face that you’re going insane
And you try to find a list of the things you can blame
You focus on the logical because of your intelligence
But my dear you can see that it has no relevance
To the journey you’re on to connect both of the parts
You didn’t get a say in where you would start
So spirituality came first and made the world glow
It was the beauty and the magic that stole the show
Remember that day when you went to the store?
Oh my goodness, it was the furthest thing from a bore
You wandered the aisles wearing a huge grin
And everything had meaning except the word sin
It was like you could see the whole dance of the universe
You wanted to hug strangers and make the move first
Because it was a genuine love that flowed through your veins
Honestly, I laugh, they probably thought you were strange!
But your friends seemed intrigued and they leaned in closer
They might’ve been thinking, take her out back and hose her!
Then you got the calling to return to your home
And you struggled because look at what had been made known
You received this precious gift and never wanted to leave
It was like God saw you suffering and sent a reprieve
But you knew it was time, there was something inside
Saying please go and don’t wear too much pride
So away you went, trusting the call
Little did you know you were about to take a fall
From this plane you were on, you came crashing down
And every day you paused and took a look around
Wondering how could it be, that this was the plan?
Weeks came and went when you could barely stand
You know the days well, when you try to get out of bed
But it feels like your body has been pumped full of lead
It feels like trying to move mountains by yourself
You question the state of your mental and physical health
But the good news is that your angels found you
And they’re there when you need them to help you subdue
The overwhelming places that you find yourself in
When your world and your head suddenly start to spin
Most notable are Christie, Amy, Leslie, and Luke…
And don’t think for one second that it was some kind of fluke
You gave up the idea of needing so many
So it was quality you focused on, you didn’t choose just any
And now look at just how far you’ve come
Shorter are the days when you come undone
But you have a ways to go, please don’t give up
And even though it’s scary try not to be so abrupt
It’s a process and it has a timeline of its own
But be proud of yourself because lifetimes you’ve grown
And one day you’ll have the knowledge of both
Spirituality and humanity through all of this growth
And don’t forget that someday you’ll light the way
For those when they find their lives in complete disarray
And you’ll know what they mean when they tell you their story
Even if it’s devastating and sad and gory
You’ll quickly notice the sense of confusion in their tone
And you’ll know that that’s a state of mind that you’ve owned
So keep up the good work, we’re all very proud
We’re watching you my dear, from up in the clouds
I want to talk to you about the Art of Compassion
You can practice it with passive or forward action
You can begin today, right where you are
And you don’t have to go incredibly far
As a matter of fact, you can start with yourself-
Think about all of the things that you’ve felt:
The loss, the pain, loneliness and rejection…
Your greatest gift is your commitment to reflection
You know the way, it’s in what feels right
And you know you don’t get there via mental fight
It comes from your gut, deep and within
And over time with your thoughts it will blend
Fluidity and confidence are your very next step
You’ve been in the dark and you’ve seen the depth
So now when it comes, you won’t be as shaky
It’ll consume you and you’ll still feel really achy
But now my child, you have a foundation
So as you continue to move through God’s creation
You’ll build upon that, and your roots will take hold
And someday you’ll feel more warmth than cold
I know it’s been tough, but you kept your faith
Even when it felt like you were bound to break
You’ve earned your wings in this life that you’re living
Because you gave the time and the love to forgiving
Yourself and your family, no doubt it was hard
To consider letting down that protective guard
But here we are, and you’re still alive
Another day down with your eye on the prize:
To help others because you know where they’ve been
Maybe not outside but definitely within
To feel lost and rejected, shamed and unloved
You’ll bring the love and compassion from above
It wasn’t in vain, but you’ve always known
And now look at just how much you’ve grown
You deserve to be proud, a big pat on the back
Never forget, you’re on the right track
There’s this path you will go down and it’s all about healing
You’ll make your way there after decades of reeling
An angel will find you in the darkest of spaces
And you’ll be guided into the most precious of places
You won’t feel that when you’re there, but don’t be discouraged
Dig deep, stand tall, and know that you have the courage
To walk down this path that won’t be SEEN by all
And it might look to those around you as some kind of fall
They may even think that you don’t care for their help
You’ll get discouraged, depleted, and start losing your health
It’ll feel so confusing, and you’ll want to give up
Because the shift from “good-days” to “bad-days” is abrupt
And you’ll find yourself begging for some kind of light
Anything to keep you from the ongoing plight
But your angel will know and she’ll hold a sacred space
Even if she’s hundreds of miles from your chosen place
Because there was a pact that was made before it all began
She chose to find those suffering and next to them she’d stand
She’ll lean in to you when you’re shaking and just want to crumble
Her Voice will reassure you, it’s so kind and so humble
What a gift you’ve been given, to make your way here
Where your Worth will go from black, to muddy, to clear
It won’t happen overnight, be patient along the way
And trust that those meant to be there will stay
You’re doing great so please continue to believe
That soon are the days when you’ll feel childish and free
You’ve longed for these things for longer than you know
Now your pain is dispersing and it’s starting to show
In your smile, your joy, and even your laughter
You’re seeing that you are loved and that healing matters
I feel like some kind of a fallen angel
Who lives in a state of defend-from-constant-danger
And it doesn’t seem like a break is comin’ anytime soon
So hunker down and get ready for a life-altering boom
It’s not a punishment kid, it’s just part of the walk
The kind that you reference during all of those spiritual talks
Healing is ugly, it’s raw and it’s in your face
Not everyone will find themselves in a similar space
So don’t worry if it’s not easy for everyone to understand
Don’t think it means you deserve some kind of internal reprimand
And don’t be afraid of this place that you’re in
It’s not the result of some kind of immortal sin
You’re not defective, there’s really nothing wrong
With you my dear, so don’t think that you don’t belong
As a matter of fact, you have a very specific destination
And although strange, there’s a reason for your stubborn indignation
You see, it drives you to the place beneath the surface
And it’s part of your very important and divinely-assigned purpose
But remember that the path is long and it’s hard
You knew that when you flipped them over and revealed your hand of cards-
When you woke up, and became aware of what’s real-
When you decided that for yourself and for your family you’d heal
So the clouds broke apart and God lit up your world
Right before you packed up, left, and were hurled
Into this place where you’ll learn to sit in the dark
So that with these same people, someday you’ll embark
On a journey to help the world lick their wounds
Because we all have to crawl out from under our tombs
To do the work that’s necessary for our growth
And it won’t be what we want, but what we need the most
So don’t worry, although I know it seems tough
And please don’t forget to remind yourself daily: you’re enough
You are needed where your heart feels the most broken
Where your lips quiver at even the thought of all the words left unspoken
Where your pain wraps you up and swallows you whole
Where you planned, you plotted, and clearly outlined your goal:
To get out, to escape, to run far and never return
This is the land where your bones rattle and your soul’s fire burns
You are needed where your heart feels the most broken
‘Cause life’s like a game at the circus, and your pain is your token
It will disappoint you most of the time, and you’ll feel you’re coming up short
But I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask you, please don’t abort
Your efforts in this game of life that you’ll play
Where you’ll learn some real and tough lessons along the way
The ones that you chose, before whence you came
You even hand-picked all of the people you could blame
But blame is a humanity thing, if you didn’t already know
You love them and you asked them to come here to show
You how to get the things that you want for your Highest Self
It may not look like fame, a sea of friends, or even excessive wealth
But it will be what you need to help you evolve along the way
Trust your instincts when you want to leave but they tell you to stay
Despite the fire in your soul and the pain that rattles your bones
Because it’s the trauma that will surface and you’ll come due on your loans
Find your space, find your people, it’s all going to be okay
Don’t forget, it was all pre-planned any-fucking-way
What’s this icky, mucky, yucky mess?
Sorry to say, but I must confess
There’s a little girl, she’s trapped inside
And all she’s known is run-and-hide
Protect that heart, it’s the number one
Priority following the devastating shun
That shut her down and turned her in
When it becomes too much, her head does spin
Around and around, if it builds up speed
Get out quick, my warning please heed
The sight will make you feel an ache
And in hearing about the crushing heart-break
You’ll learn that she was left, all alone
And that it seems as if she’ll always be prone
To those old ways and how it’s been
At the sight I’ll admit I sometimes cringe
It’s such a slow go, this growing thing
With the aches and pains it seems to bring
But that’s life and how it’ll always be
Don’t expect that you’ll ever truly be free
From the highs and the lows, it’s a kind of game
So pick your head up and try to sustain
Because balance exists, it’s all around
First you’ll feel lost, then you’ll feel found
There’s night and day, birth and death
And don’t try to say that God made a mess
Of this beautiful place, where joy and pain
Exist together with loss and gain
Because if you didn’t have both, how would you know?
The value when it actually starts to show
That you’ve grown up, and finally begun
To lessen the moments when you come undone
So you move and you bend, and sometimes you break
But you try not to forget what’s really at stake
It’s a chance to hold a Loving space
For those when they cry out, “Holy Grace!”
And someday you’ll get to stand in your light
After the years of a seemingly never-ending fight
With who you think you are, or maybe should be
The time will come when you will see
There’s a little girl in most of us
And we all need someone that we can trust
So when you come out on the other side
You’ll be the lucky one that gets to provide
A space where someone can bravely say,
“I’m scared… do you think, maybe you could stay?”
You’ll hold her hand and you’ll quickly feel
The familiar feeling of being stuck in that wheel
You’ll say, “it’s okay, I’ll stay right here
And I’ll listen to you, sweet little dear
Because you matter, and I want you to know
This is simply a chance for you to grow” 🌳
So she keeps going, and she’ll always remember
To love that little girl, and to never forget her
Today I woke up and I had a kid to look after
I didn’t notice all the warning signs of starting a new chapter
The child seems lost, she’s quiet and meek
One could assume she was left out in the streets
To fend for herself and to try to find her way
She hasn’t had time for childish games or play
She grew up fast and learned how to survive
She has an expansive vocabulary but it lacks the word “thrive”
It’s very apparent that there’s some kind of guard
Around her Being and her heart, it seems incredibly hard
To get close, to share affection, love, and hope
There’s something very deep with which she never learned to cope
But this is her time, so I won’t try to interfere
I’ll stay ready and as close as she’ll let me be near
I won’t force her, I’ll let her feel her way through
This part of her life that seems terrifying and new
Where she can stop worrying about surviving in this place
She can try to relax, enjoy, and create her own space
I watch with wondering eyes at this incredible journey
I’ll keep my heart open but my mouth shut, despite the yearning
To see her break-out into this vast, expansive world
Instead of feeling like she has to stay shut in and curled-
Up in a ball, all alone and in the dark
But no one can force you until you’re ready to embark
On a journey to discover, who you truly are
Will you find out right here or will you travel very far
To the ends of the world, to feel and maybe see
You can become who you’ve always really wanted to be
By making a choice, in the here and now
It’s by choosing that you take an internal kind of vow
To stay awake for what’s here, what’s right in front of you
It’s all about learning, you don’t have to subdue
These feelings, this pain, it’s all part of the plan
Even if it feels like you’re sinking fast in quicksand
So I have hope for this child, that seems so sad and so lost
Someday she’ll realize that this was all just the cost
Of everything her Highest Self ever dreamed of
And that it was all orchestrated by those who love her Up Above
Be patient little angel, you will find your way
I’m absolutely sure of it, some how, some day
Here we go, time to take a huge leap of faith
I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be a disgrace
To this path of healing that I willingly jumped on
When suddenly in the dark I got a glimpse of the dawn
Family of origin, we’ll be spending some time
So fucking rare it inspired these rhymes
It’s been over a decade, maybe even two
Of being trapped in the memories of all the abuse
In the younger years when it seemed like everyone was fighting
Back when I still knew how to purge with my writing
But we’re all growing up in our own little ways
Maybe these are the new-found lighter kind of days
Of laughter, joy, and everything else
We don’t have to accept the hand we thought we’d been dealt
It’s uncomfortable as hell but it’s cool to sit back and see
What we’re all going through and who we’re turning out to be
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably similar to
Childhood for us, which we all quickly outgrew
So a regression of sorts to when our hearts were open
I can see the healing in what felt irreparably broken
The journey isn’t over, I think it goes on forever
At least in this life, maybe an infinite endeavor
But I chose them, and they chose me
So we might as well work together to help each other see
The beauty of living with our hearts open wide
It ain’t easy but we can take it all in stride
We’ll hold hands, breathe deep, and take a leap together
Because some of these souls I’ve chosen forever
My soul people they are, so I suppose I’ll do
Everything I can, I’ll keep following the clues
From my guides, my God, and all of those willing
To help us on this rocky path towards forgiving
Ourselves and the ones we feel we’ve been harmed by
It may not always look like it, but every day I try
To give all the energy that I can muster up
I must say some days it doesn’t feel like enough
But along the way, I’ve learned how to be kind
To myself and others, no more navigating blind
Those days are over, time to face the light
Even on the days when it seems too goddamn bright
It’s okay to accept the love into our hearts
It’s from somewhere that we all have to pick a place start
Thank you for this process, it sure hasn’t been easy
It’s turned me into all sorts of different kinds of cheesy
Towards the people I meet as I continue to move on
And as I learn to accept the darkness with the dawn
Thank you for this life, it’s so beautiful and messy
What a gift to receive all these magical blessings
I’ll keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other
In my world that no longer requires an armor to cover-
Up who I am and who I really want to be
Which is a choice, and I choose, I think I’d rather be free
I feel as if I’m floating in a womb
Before now, honestly, it felt like a tomb
And maybe it was, I can’t be sure
I think both are rebirth and equally as pure
I am ready to be born and done with all of that
Small thinking and the internal tit for tat
So much work, it seems all I do is grind
I wonder if I will ever really come to find
My purpose here in the work that I do
To my current state I feel stuck like glue
What am I waiting for and when will it come?
In the meantime maybe I’ll come undone
Perhaps that’s the purpose, a slow death of the old
Maybe you have to experience some kind of chokehold
Before you’ll give up and scream Uncle in this chapter
Right when it turns into an utter disaster
Because healing and change don’t always feel good
They challenge everything that’s under the hood
Of our Selves, our hearts, and all of our beliefs
Sometimes it takes years, other times it’s brief
What a strange feeling of death and birth
I can honestly say that it feels like a first
But I think it’s because I was focused on the end
The thought of new beginnings blew away with the wind
The darkness used to come and go much more quickly
But this year it turned into weeks and months of sick me
Maybe now it’s time that I get a small glimpse
Beyond the heavy muck and everything dense
I welcome the light when it’s ready to be
Something I deserve and am prepared to see
I get little sparks of hope, I find comfort in my people
I found I can pray on my knees without a steeple
It’s a constant thing that I try to do
Communicate with those who are willing to come through
With a message for me, from this plane or another
That give me signs of the things that are yet to be uncovered
Thank you for the gifts of my family’s healing
Sometimes it still feels like a dream and my mind’s reeling
I’m ready to be done with this old conditioned wiring
I need to break through and feel something inspiring
I can and I will, it’s a matter of time
For now I’ll keep giving the old clock a wind
wakey wakey
eggs and bakey
it’s the morning of your life
aren’t you glad
you’ve come this far
after all the pain and strife
but are you really
isn’t it strange
it’s hard to understand
go ahead
lay it on me
don’t avoid the reprimand
it’s only time
that’s showed me that
things don’t always have to be
the way they’ve been
32 years
please open your eyes to see
they’ve been trapped shut
for so long
it’s hard to know what’s real
it doesn’t even
matter really
if I open my arms and heart to feel
the nonstop thoughts
the constant churn
of is it right or wrong
can’t even seem
to numb my mind
for one entire song
on the inside it seems
I guess I feel
tired and alone
it’s hard to stand
the quiet ache
it sinks so deeply into my bones
I don’t understand this chapter
what it means
and why I stand here now
chop off my legs
take my voice
when will I learn to bow
it feels like a constant battle
never-ending
of the inner kind
you think I’m kidding
when I say
I can’t escape my mind
I search and read
and plop down thinking
what I ought to do
can’t seem to get there
no matter what
so I just sit and stew
I was a student
people told me
you must go there and here
the kind of people
that at the time
I thought would always be near
they were there
I was sure of them
and then they went away
all these years
and isn’t it funny
that no one seems to stay
but is that the condition
of this life
to show you not to cling?
’cause once it stops
and spins away
you can’t keep anything
what shifted in me
that got me here
as stubborn as can be?
some days I wake up
to look in the mirror
and don’t even recognize me
I used to be so willing
so naive
so open to what they say
the older ones
I always thought
they must know the way
what is age
but a number
that says how long you’ve survived
but I don’t like that
I want much more
I’d really like to thrive
wake up from your dream
pull up your boots
put one foot in front of the other
it’s okay
you know they’re there
in a constant state of hover
you’re not alone
despite the feel
it may even be a dream
one fact I know
for sure in this life
there’s no constant in any thing
it’s just one chapter
in the book
you’ve really done great so far
but please be fair
to yourself
and stop raising the goddamn bar
Walk on towards the light
It’s been a long and arduous fight
A pointless one, it was hard to see
The biggest lesson was just to be
But that insight comes in the depth of pain
The moment you’ve found the thing to blame
There’s a softness inside that breaks through
Into an old and unfamiliar you
The one you forgot from long ago
Before your Self turned into foe
The girl who embraced the here and now
Whose mind didn’t churn over the when and how
It’s curiosity and wonder that keep us here
That hold the magic near and dear
Where just to be is really key
Try it on for size, you’ll agree
So please sit back and enjoy the ride
Turn up your mouth and swallow your pride
I’m just as me as you are you
Whether on a curb or in a pew
We’re all doing our best, day to day
Pay no attention to what the outsiders say
Love yourself that’s all that matters
Let the rest blend into the mindless chatter
Oh “United” State, you are not one
Show me your colors, leading to shun
You say and you say and you say what you are
Words around here won’t get you too far
See I was brought up in chaos and where two worlds divide
My super power is deciphering the shit in stride
So OOMPA LOOMPA you did it again
Hired enough people to finagle a win
The win you don’t know is the awakening of the people
Who blew open your goddamn peep hole
To see what’s underneath your slithering being
So hard to believe what we’re actually seeing
But the message is, we are all one
We all bleed red, cry tears, and burn in the sun
So as much as I want to hate you and yell
It’s a karmic lesson or some shit insofar as I can tell
It’s hard to see the end of the race at the starting line
Until then, ongoing humanity crime
(And we’re all guilty)
Everyday Awakenings 