Month: September 2017

Rumble Jumble.

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

wakey wakey

eggs and bakey

it’s the morning of your life

 

aren’t you glad

you’ve come this far

after all the pain and strife

 

but are you really

isn’t it strange

it’s hard to understand

 

go ahead

lay it on me

don’t avoid the reprimand

 

it’s only time

that’s showed me that

things don’t always have to be

 

the way they’ve been

32 years

please open your eyes to see

 

they’ve been trapped shut

for so long

it’s hard to know what’s real

 

it doesn’t even

matter really

if I open my arms and heart to feel

 

the nonstop thoughts

the constant churn

of is it right or wrong

 

can’t even seem

to numb my mind

for one entire song

 

on the inside it seems

I guess I feel

tired and alone

 

it’s hard to stand

the quiet ache

it sinks so deeply into my bones

 

I don’t understand this chapter

what it means

and why I stand here now

 

chop off my legs

take my voice

when will I learn to bow

 

it feels like a constant battle

never-ending

of the inner kind

 

you think I’m kidding

when I say

I can’t escape my mind

 

I search and read

and plop down thinking

what I ought to do

 

can’t seem to get there

no matter what

so I just sit and stew

 

I was a student

people told me

you must go there and here

 

the kind of people

that at the time

I thought would always be near

 

they were there

I was sure of them

and then they went away

 

all these years

and isn’t it funny

that no one seems to stay

 

but is that the condition

of this life

to show you not to cling?

 

’cause once it stops

and spins away

you can’t keep anything

 

what shifted in me

that got me here

as stubborn as can be?

 

some days I wake up

to look in the mirror

and don’t even recognize me

 

I used to be so willing

so naive

so open to what they say

 

the older ones

I always thought

they must know the way

 

what is age

but a number

that says how long you’ve survived

 

but I don’t like that

I want much more

I’d really like to thrive

 

wake up from your dream

pull up your boots

put one foot in front of the other

 

it’s okay

you know they’re there

in a constant state of hover

 

you’re not alone

despite the feel

it may even be a dream

 

one fact I know

for sure in this life

there’s no constant in any thing

 

it’s just one chapter

in the book

you’ve really done great so far

 

but please be fair

to yourself

and stop raising the goddamn bar

Inside the Suffering

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Walk on towards the light 

It’s been a long and arduous fight 

A pointless one, it was hard to see 

The biggest lesson was just to be 

But that insight comes in the depth of pain

The moment you’ve found the thing to blame 

There’s a softness inside that breaks through 

Into an old and unfamiliar you 

The one you forgot from long ago 

Before your Self turned into foe 

The girl who embraced the here and now 

Whose mind didn’t churn over the when and how 

It’s curiosity and wonder that keep us here 

That hold the magic near and dear  

Where just to be is really key

Try it on for size, you’ll agree 

So please sit back and enjoy the ride 

Turn up your mouth and swallow your pride 

I’m just as me as you are you 

Whether on a curb or in a pew 

We’re all doing our best, day to day 

Pay no attention to what the outsiders say 

Love yourself that’s all that matters 

Let the rest blend into the mindless chatter

Lost Child

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I’m sorry I lost you along the way

Unknowingly I didn’t have the strength to stay

I stepped out when your head was down

Didn’t realize how tightly you’d be wound

A lost child is the saddest thing

There’s no visible spark or light beam

From the eyes, like nothing’s there

Too much for me to watch and bear

But what’s a lost child? Let us discuss

Ancient and ongoing for some of us?

What’s the lesson and when will it come?

I know I’m smart but I feel quite dumb

Can’t seem to find the love for self

Maybe it’s hidden along the shelf

Between the self help and psychology books

Perhaps I’ll take a closer look

At these false ideas of filling up

I can’t stand to peek inside my cup

It’s not even empty, like we say

Rather black and bottomless on most days

Will it ever stop? Will I find peace?

Or will I die in self defeat?

Just making it and surviving day to day

Can’t seem to control what my mind does say

I don’t see the end, maybe that’s alright

It’s more of a moment to moment fight

Some day ease will find its way

Maybe it’ll think this time to stay