Month: December 2020

Death Grip

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I’m sorry that I don’t know how to let go

It’s like the answers are in front of me, but I don’t want to know

It’s easier to pretend that something is when it isn’t

Wipe your eyes child, I thought you had 20/20 vision ?

….See, YOU(R) awareness is attached to YOU(R) experience…

And yes, about it, you tend to be very serious

But you have to remind yourself where YOU-ARE

And you can’t forget, others from afar

It takes consideration, and yes this is new

And you’ll have to work at lessening the amount you subdue

Your feelings and experiences, they’re all part of it

And we already know, “fine, [you’ll] face but not love it” 🙄

You see, life is all about walking the walk

If at any point, your mouth is going to open to talk

Don’t be about all of the smoke and mirrors

Step into your experiences and look a bit clearer

Every place you find yourself, that’s where you are

And you know your God, so don’t ever think you are far

From the intended location of your current presence

Think in symbols, and the the fear will start to lessen

Thank God for each day that you have on this earth

Even when it feels like you’re dying (often and) slowly by bursts 🔥

Hymns and Haws

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There’s a flow to life, the way that it goes

The way it moves, shakes, rattles and rolls

It’ll bring you to your best, and show you your worst

It’ll make you come in last, then put you in first

You’ll think that you know, and maybe you do

But let time pass, live life all the way through

There’s a cycle to existence that never really stops

It’s still moving, even when out bodies drop

But what you’ll come to find as the clock hands tick

Is that your team, they’re the ones that YOU and God picked

Sometimes that’ll be him, or her, or them

Other times, on your own self and God you’ll depend

But please don’t give up as folks enter your world

The next decades you’ll find your self being hurled

Into the lives for which you’ve got to fight tooth and nail

Sometimes you’ll feel weak and other times pale

But the body can withstand more than you know

Don’t let its deceptions cause delay on life’s show

Step into the light and claim your rightful stake

You know the path, the way, and your fate

Discardable

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I cannot believe that you’d throw me away

After all of the prayers prayed out loud that I’d stay

But tell me, if you pray to an invisible God

Is it the same as throwing your wishes into sod

Do you leave them for bugs and misfits to take

Did you charge them with energy but leave their labels blank

Did you walk through the doors with your consciousness off

At the curious mind, do you continue to scoff

This part of life will catch up to you soon

It’s early morning and the alarm rings at noon

I don’t have the answers, I’m not that kind of One

I’m just here to say that this path will be done

Change is the thing you’re always guaranteed

You won’t always get what you want but instead what you need

Go with the feelings you have when they’re there

But don’t forget to use your mind too, when it’s aware

Make friends with the people who stay by your side

The ones who are there when you say ride or die

Honest, Hard Work

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Wade through the muck, please do what you need

This honest, hard work’s very necessary to succeed

If you don’t unravel your personal confliction

It’ll be hard to overcome your powerful addiction

See you went from repress, to suppress, to escape

Because you discovered it’s easier to manipulate the physical along the way

To wrestle the mind can really be draining

Especially if at work you spend a lot of time straining

Balance is a thing upon which the universe relies

Be friends with your mind, it’s nothing to despise

It works hard and fast, to take care of you

Looking for “reasons” so that it can subdue

These feelings in your body that want to come out

It’s yearning for you to allow it to scream and to shout

Don’t trap them inside, that game’s getting old

Opportunities are arising but your plate’s getting cold

Feed yourself from the deep pit of your stomach

Its outside’s not flat, but learn how to love it

Parent your child, who needs you to be

As honest as you never even thought you could be

Trust your guides, yourself, and your learned knowledge

Hurry up and get through the necessary college

Your calling is waiting for you to catch up

And please remind yourself daily, you’re enough

Reassurance

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Use your Will to will

So you can stop feeling you’re being pushed down a hill

Step into your Light

Knowing that by nature you can’t always shine bright

Accept who You are

It might not’ve felt like it, but you’ve never been far

Stand in your Place

Keep creating, staking, and owning your space

Use your real Voice

For the ones near you who may not always have a choice

Remember your roots

So that you and your company will remain in cahoots

Practice humility

Don’t abuse the divine gift you’ve been given in your abilities

Stay in your lane

Remember, you’re not God, don’t act so in vain

Cherish your life

Despite all the loss, heartache, and strife

The truth is, you’re free

You’ve just struggled through healing your poor little me

Open your eyes

Life no longer has to remain cloaked in disguise

Lift your head up

And remember that I AM THE ONE who fills up your cup

Pat yourself on the back

For climbing the mountain to get back on track

Love yourself first

The Love that you emanate might quench someone’s thirst

Try to just be

That is always where you will find comfort in ME

Depth

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There’s a well of sadness residing deep within me

I buried it long ago so that no one else could see

The pain that I feel, it’s too much to bear

If the floodgates were opened you’d stop to stare

Where do you start when you feel you’re at the end

Of your wits, your strength, and your ability to tend

To your needs, the hurt, and the pit of despair

Take your hands off your throat and please come up for air

This life isn’t a race, all you really have is now

Let the tears fall from your eyes and the sweat from your brow

Don’t run from the pain, the secret’s in the depth

And you know what they say, even “Jesus wept.”

Maturity

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Reach with your mind and stretch with your heart

Don’t be afraid when you’re ready to embark

On a journey about learning how to let go

Of the wiring that says, “I must be in control.”

It sure served you well as a very young child

It took the severity of it all from extreme to mild

It gave you the power to set some boundaries

When everyone around you just kept on floundering

So inside you went, and you locked the door

The careless ones around you made you feel abhorred

At their inconsideration just flying around

No one would reach up to pull it back down

So away you went, leading your charge

You were armed and equipped with protective garb

You fought off the feelings of less-than-enough

You stayed walled-in and guarded, appearing tough

But the truth is your heart is big and it’s soft

This Who-You-Are’s starting to peel the layers off

It’s time to step into your Authentic expression

You’ve done loads of work and learned tons of lessons

One day at a time is truly all we have

But the memories are yours to cherish and amass

Challenge Your Pain

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You’ll know when you’re ready to challenge your pain

It might be on the downslope of going insane

Or that’s what it feels like, a landslide of sorts

Your mind will scramble and your body will contort

The process is something like being reborn

You’ll be filled with elation, then flooded with scorn

The light will be so bright you’ll feel you’re floating around

Then day turns to night and someone stuffs you in the ground

And nothing can ever really be predicted

Because none of the days feel the same when conflicted

You’ll be ready for the end if you can just turn the corner

But with every single turn comes a new set of orders

Challenging your pain is somewhere at the top

It means you’ve arrived at the place where it stops

Where the fear of something new has shrunken enough

Where the idea of stretching yourself doesn’t feel quite as tough

Where you know you need to go if you want to really see

How beautiful your gift of life can ultimately be

Confliction

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Tell me when you feel the weight of your Spirit

Or the sound that it makes, lean in so you can hear it

It’s with your human self that you’ll have to assess

It’s in your body that you’ll ultimately have to acquiesce

You can’t gauge the infinite in a limited being

It’s not with your eyes that you do all your seeing

You’re both, can’t you see, it’s why you get confused

Your humanity gets in the way and senses get misused

You play roles in waking life and then doze off to sleep

Then you fall into your dreams equally as deep

You’re just as there as you are when you’re awake

You have equal amounts invested and at stake

In your conscious and subconscious, they both play a role

When you try to make sense of them you fall into a hole

Of your thoughts that never really seem to slow down

If each were a drop of water you’d surely have drowned

I know you get tired of the pulling confliction

It’s being stuck in the middle that feeds your addiction

To staying in the dark where it’s hard to clearly see

Where tears pour from your eyes and your heart bleeds

Stay soft, little girl, ‘cause the battle sure ain’t over

Lean in close and get to know your inner warrior

Heartbreak

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What do you say when you’re going to leave

And the thought of it just takes you down to your knees

But you can’t seem to stop the path that you’re on

You think you’ve arrived at the dark’s newest dawn?

Well, my child, I hate to have to say

This is the plight, the path, and the way

It’s all part of this crazy life that you chose

And I know that sometimes it really does blow

But keep moving on and take that next step

Even if the path doesn’t appear direct

All of these losses, they’re part of the plan

Your only part is to make sure that you stand

Up from the falls and the spills that you take

I know it feels like you can’t catch a break

You’re strong and sensitive, that’s how it is

At some things you’re poor, at other things a whiz

Take what you’ve got and give it your best

Stop treating it like you’re taking a test

Whose grade defines your rank amongst the rest

Life is so much more than that

And if you keep your focus, you’ll always adapt

Please, Don’t Go.

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Please, don’t go.

I already love you, you don’t even know.

Please take my hand.

I want you there when my legs won’t stand.

Please love me, too.

You came to me just as fast as the wind blew.

Please hold me tight.

I’m afraid without you, nothing will feel right.

Please grow with me.

And be open to believing in what you may not see.

Please touch my face.

And trust I’ll always be a comforting place.

Please understand.

My life can be chaotic, and other times grand.

Please come along.

And help me to write and sing life’s truest song.

Please don’t give up.

Especially if and when the going gets tough.

Please, don’t go.

I always will love you, you don’t even know.

Broken Record

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Reading, writing and arithmetic

Throw me at a wall and watch me stick:

Done. I mean, just for the moment

Because part of me knows it’s mine and to own it

But I’ll tell you something about the weight of it all

You stand right up and without a doubt, fall

I know it’s my fault that I’m staying stuck

I know it’s not that I have bad luck

My mind feels broken, it always takes the wrong turn

Self-sabotage and shame start to swarm and churn

I always set it up so that one of us leaves

Which affirms the cemented and repeated belief

That I’m so defective and that they all go

And isn’t it fucked that I actually know

That I feed the cycle that I hate so much

That I’m conscious of the bullshit and the crutch

I also know that my mature adult’s here now

I always see her, there to help and show me how

But I brush her presence off, it’s easier to do

Because loving encouragement is not what I’m used to

And the pain feels too much to bear

To feel the hurt when I become aware

First Runner-Up

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It feels like it must’ve been just yesterday

That I was running inside after a long day of play

Only to be met by a reality that hurt

I should’ve just stayed outside in the dirt

Because at least Mother Nature would hold me dearly

Her devotion and love I could always feel clearly

But home was riddled with chaos and confusion

Most of the time, reality was an illusion

It’s where my core wound began to set in

Where so many days the tie went to him

Where I stood outside her door that was locked

And with tears in my eyes, softly I knocked

The silence that followed would usually be met

With a desire, a hope, and a prayer to forget

The deafening sound of not being chosen

No wonder I became so numb and so frozen

But I know why it all had to happen that way

And why most of the people who come don’t stay

To teach me how to start choosing myself

To start to prioritize my heart’s value and health

To make sure that I’m ok no matter where I am

And when I’m weak to learn to take my own hand

It still isn’t easy, this lesson I’m learning

Opportunities arise and I feel all the churning

Of emotions that got trapped 20+ years ago

The ones that block any rationality I know

But I’ve learned over time to find a quiet space

Where I can go back to that dark and heavy place

To show my little girl she’s not trapped anymore

To pick up her devastation and show it to the door

The days are getting fewer and farther between

You’ve accomplished so much more than it seems

Keep on going, and please don’t ever question

When people show up to teach you life’s greatest lessons

Chop Wood and Carry Water

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It’s the end of the decade, and look where you are

I bet you didn’t think you’d make it this far

In such a short time, I know it felt like ages

But rapid-speed is how quickly you moved through the stages:

Childhood re-lived, you had your rebirth

It was horrifically painful – it felt like the first

You learned to be dependent, a hard one for you

But you kept your faith and found peace in the clues

Next you learned to crawl, and that movement was slow

To prove you don’t always dictate the pace at which you go

Then you learned to walk and you were well on your way

And the choice became whether or not to go or to stay

But once you got the hang of it, you realized it’s all the same

You’re always right there, no matter the place’s name

By this time you’re running and you’ve found a nice pace

Despite the quick movement, you know that life’s not a race

There are things in control that are much greater than you

You’re part of it all but you’re just a bite of the stew

I know it’s strange, the happenings that go on

The symbolic shifts through the dark and the dawn

It’s hard to talk about them because not everyone sees

Even though they may say it, it’s still hard to believe

That the universe is magic by the definition we learned

It exists when life feels soft and when it’s firm

If we can open ours eyes to what’s right in front of us

Everything else that goes on well, we just have to trust

When the skies go gray and the temperature gets hotter

Just keep chopping wood and carrying water

Peacocks and Bridges

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Wouldn’t it be crazy if she were the one who stays

Who despite your deficits, accepts you in all ways

What if she allows you to let your heart break

And stands by your side when you can’t find the strength

Believing in your power and your will to make it through

She makes you believe there’s nothing that you cannot do

You feel it in your heart when she looks you in the eyes

It seems different than the past deceit and the lies

There’s a realness in her vibe that’ll soothe your shaky soul

Her warmth and presence will fill your heart’s gaping hole

And your body will sing when she touches your face

Next to her side will become your new favorite place

Don’t push her away, make sure you do what you need

With this lovely being, you won’t have to plead

Trust her when she says that she sees you for who you are

And that when you really need her she won’t be very far

Let go of the belief that you’ve been carrying around

You know, the one that weighs you the fuck down

You deserve the love she’s showing up to give

It’s time you take your life and truly start to live