Reading, writing and arithmetic

Throw me at a wall and watch me stick:

Done. I mean, just for the moment

Because part of me knows it’s mine and to own it

But I’ll tell you something about the weight of it all

You stand right up and without a doubt, fall

I know it’s my fault that I’m staying stuck

I know it’s not that I have bad luck

My mind feels broken, it always takes the wrong turn

Self-sabotage and shame start to swarm and churn

I always set it up so that one of us leaves

Which affirms the cemented and repeated belief

That I’m so defective and that they all go

And isn’t it fucked that I actually know

That I feed the cycle that I hate so much

That I’m conscious of the bullshit and the crutch

I also know that my mature adult’s here now

I always see her, there to help and show me how

But I brush her presence off, it’s easier to do

Because loving encouragement is not what I’m used to

And the pain feels too much to bear

To feel the hurt when I become aware