consciousness

Goodbye

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I saw you say goodbye 

Didn’t even express a sigh 

Maybe you were thinking 

Of keeping on with drinking 

I know it’s been really big 

Hard not to take another swig 

I’ve sat long enough in that chair 

It’s taken a lot for me to share 

I used to get really sick 

Thinking about facing it 

But I’ve gotten tired of the story 

Its repetition has started to bore me 

I want to see in living color 

The feelings aren’t “above her” 

Gotta hunker down in the day 

Can’t worry about what you say 

I wish you all the very best 

I hope I passed your test 

Please take care of you 

Keep on saying what is True 

Fellowship

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Even if God had said, “just you wait and you will see,” 

There’s still no freaking way that I would have ever believed 

That despite all of the pain, I’d find myself in this place 

With these beautiful people, in this wonderful space 

God says, “I had to bend you, but see, you didn’t break, 

All the things you thought you wanted, I simply had to take 

To give you all the things that I knew your spirit craved 

It’s your spirit that concerned me, it’s your spirit that I saved 

You see you have to grow, you have to spread your wings 

Although you may not realize it, I give you what you need 

But please do not forget, you have to do your part 

I’ll get your engine running but Dear you must cruise past Start 

There may be a few exceptions when your energy is low

I’ll kick things into gear when it’s clear you need a tow

I’ll give you all the signals and the signs that will say, 

‘Don’t travel down that road, please go the other way’ 

It may not be a short cut, it may be a windy path 

You may go through arid deserts before you see the plushy grass 

Please listen to your heart and keep your nervous system steady 

Because with every stretch of road I really need you to be ready 

To take a sharp turn here, to avoid the potholes there 

And when the weather’s bad you really have to steer with care 

And oh you’ll have some fellow travelers on your journey up ahead 

You may want to go alone but I made other plans instead 

You’ll get a few who help, who may even lighten your load 

You’ll get others struggling, with them you’ll be bestowed- 

The gift of being of service, of helping another out 

And although it may be hard at times, please don’t ever doubt 

The journey that you’re on and the lessons that you’ll learn 

It’s all so that your soul can grow, even when it burns 

I’m so proud of what you’ve done, so proud of where you are 

Take a look in the rear view mirror to see you’ve journeyed far”  

HealThy Self

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We need to spend some time talking about your healthy self 

Pick up that version, take it down off the shelf 

Crack it on open, please, and let’s take a closer look 

Let’s peruse its substance like we’re reading a book 

How did it start, with some outside motivation 

Did you have to sit through an uncomfortable ablation 

Is that what it took to kick some things into gear 

Did someone start your engine, forcing you to steer 

We need you to focus on your health for your Self 

Without life, you won’t be able to accumulate any wealth

Focus on your needs, spirit, mind, and body 

Be weary of showing up when you’re feeling extra haughty 

Keep your poise and balance, don’t let others pull you away 

You may need to find a place to stay ‘til you’re okay 

And yes your demands may vary from others in your group 

It’s okay if they don’t wanna sit around and hang out in your coop 

The goal is to learn how to meet all of your own needs 

To take care of the things on which your mind, body, and spirit feed 

You’re getting there slowly, more things are making sense 

You’re building something now with your hands, like a fence

One piece at a time, it won’t happen overnight 

You’ll learn patience, and sitting, you might acquire real sight 

Child of God

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Listen closely to me, my dear, you are a child of God 

And no one on this earth should be able to convince you that you are not 

And if they actually try to, please just turn your head 

They may not be able to tell but their insides may be a bit dead 

Not in the literal sense, it’s more about a lack of deep feeling 

Where they can’t tell it’s God’s joy and love that they’re actually stealing 

Because their light may be dim, and they can’t see all of the effects 

Of their meddling behaviors and the things that get caught up in their nets 

But those things they’ll have to deal with, it definitely is not your job 

To tell folks when they’re on base or even when they truly are not 

Remember that GOD gives out gifts, He is the ultimate decider 

He decides when to make you turn from a lover into a “fighter”-

for all of the greater good, you don’t need to be understood 

Let others do the work of cleaning underneath their own hoods 

Dancing in the Rain

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The rain came today

it asked if it could stay 

Most would send it away

but I was curious what it would say 

“I came to wash away

and to let the children play” 

And much to my dismay

the rain would have its way 

It’s God’s divine creation

from the master command station 

Don’t fall for an abbreviation

He will notice your hesitation 

Don’t play with divination

it’s not in the presentation 

You’ll survive your indignation

pay attention to representation 

Thank you for saying what’s real

it makes it harder for others to steal 

The passion in your zeal 

it can make you seem surreal 

But that’s not all of the appeal 

you keep two eyes on your rear 

You shouldn’t have to watch for deer, 

though with time you’ve learned to steer 

Thank you for being you 

but work on the need to subdue 

There’s a lightness in your hue 

and some old stuff to un-do 

But if I really know you 

I know that you’ll get through 

There’s a strength in your truth 

It started there in your youth 

Love

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I need to tell you something, Love isn’t supposed to feel bad 

I know it’s been confusing because of the types of the “Love” that you’ve had 

Love is patient, Love is kind, it asks that you not be selfish 

Love will still be there in the morning after you spent the night being hellish 

Love is a paradox, it may throw you for a really big loop 

Love might turn all your hardest of edges into the puddliest piles of goop 

Just when you think Love doesn’t know you, you may be quite surprised 

Love will wait patiently for you until you stop wanting to hide 

Love is the answer, no matter the freaking question 

Love will not get mad at you if (and when) you have to repeat the same lesson 

Love can make you feel warm, but at times it could make you feel scared 

Especially if you’ve associated pain or loss with the biggest of Loves that you’ve shared 

So be patient with your Self, Love isn’t going any place soon 

Love will sleep on the floor outside your door until you make some extra room 

Overdrive

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We can see you running around 

And it’s clear to us that you can’t 

There’s this giant thing hovering over us 

Watching us like we’re ants 

Is it is him, is it her, or is it them 

Please tell me who pays attention 

And to whom do we give all the credit 

When we think of a brand new invention 

You see there are many parts 

Things both inside and out 

All things involved are affected 

Causing other things to come about 

So when your gear is in drive 

Please try to pay close attention 

Not just to the direction you’re going 

But also to the things that you mention 

Rage

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This is gonna be a new one, so please pull up a seat 

Pay close attention to this, you won’t want to miss a beat 

We need to discuss a little-big thing, I’ll go ahead and call it “rage” 

It’s the kind of feeling that may come-up if someone tried stuffing you into a cage 

And I don’t mean in the figurative sense like being “put into a box” 

I mean feelings in a human body that make you feel stronger than an ox 

Don’t jump to any conclusions, this feeling isn’t quite “good” 

It will make you do things in your life that I’m not sure you typically would 

Your face gets hot and things get blurry, you may even feel quite faint 

You’ll want to take the brightest red and with it the town you’ll want to paint 

But be careful with these feelings, they can become in.tense 

You may even get to a place where you’re not making a whole lot of sense 

So when you get to that place, be sure to go inside 

Find that little girl in you, she’s scared and she wants to hide 

She needs your reassurance and your everlasting love 

And if you can’t muster it up, well then get it from up Up Above 

But the last thing you want is for her to feel like you don’t really care 

You’ll have to make some space in your life, a little space for her to share 

Once she knows her value, everything will calm down 

She’s standing up on both feet now and no longer thinks she’ll drown

The next part of this story, will be learning how to swim 

It won’t come naturally at all, it won’t happen on a whim 

It will take a lot practice, and maybe some uncomfortable growth 

But trust when you look at your track record that there are lots of things that you know 

Not all, come on now, humanity is a real big hurdle 

Don’t try to play the freaking hare, be satisfied with being a goddam turtle 

Duality

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Duality

Triviality

How significant is our nationality?

Do we use it to compare?

Do we sit down and stare?

Do we see it as a means to determine who’s aware?

I’m a writer

A reader

A frequent and constant day-dreamer

It’s a complicated story

One that never seems to bore me

Looking down this path that others tried to pave for me

Is it mine?

Is it yours?

Are there lots of sights to see, or are there many detours?

Will we walk it together?

Can we predict the weather?

Do we all get scared when we use the word “forever”?

I know I do

It’s absolutely true

It’s a concept I try on the daily to subdue

This idea of lasting

An internal kind of thrashing

Will I be able to handle all of the potential bashing?

Only time will tell

No consideration to rebel

I’ll sit and hope for Heaven but’ll readily anticipate hell

Abandonment Wound

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Please let me see your abandonment wound

How far does it go, way back to the womb

Have you been tossed around like a Raggedy Ann

And have you ever found the the full strength to stand

Or does it always feel like you fall short at the line

When you go to seek, do you struggle to find

The next step in life, like its path is blank

Finding it hard to tell the difference between Adam and Frank

It all goes back to the opinions on-hand

Everyone seems to have devised their own plan

To my life’s next steps, it seems to be a lot

I love these people, so why do I feel distraught

Can I release this nagging and constant noise

Can I give the existing darkness its voice

And if I do, what will it say

Will it ask me to go or to stay

Can I let them be, the dark and the light

Or will I fall farther into feelings of contrite

Will I dig into my depths for the secret answer

Will I remember that darkness can also be a dancer

The shadow in life, its a part of the walk

But make sure that you watch your mouth when you talk

Especially when people show up to help

Just ignore when their heavy hands leave welts

It’s not personal, it’s just that they can see your pain

And they want you to experience all of life’s gains

Not all will speak your language, and that’s okay

Just watch for the ones who are CONSISTENT and STAY

Ignore ALL of the ones who make fun of you

The ones who think trauma-triggering is cute

Don’t be apologetic when your insides are screaming

Be extra careful when you start to think of teaming-

Up with folks who have “your” best interest at heart

Who draw the line down and point with certainty at Start

Only you can know, but please keep yourself open

The Light creeps in right where you think you are broken

Memory

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What is your memory? And how does it work?

Does its path have twists, and turns, and quirks?

Does it seem really sharp, then get really dull?

Does it matter how much of your storage tank is full?

Stay keen on all of these things and what they mean

Remember, things aren’t always as they first seem

Stay true to your Self, you know who you are

You DID A LOT OF WORK to make it this far

Others didn’t see it because, well, they weren’t there

So lots of people may poke, and prod, and stare

They’ll wear on your soul to make you feel not enough

They’ll torture you all whilst saying, “GET TOUGH!”

When I think about care, I have to get really aware

I have to put myself in the position to bear

The brunt of the hard when others want to discard

Our nature which is full of paint, fun, and art

The hard is destruction, it takes things away

It takes things a long time after that to be okay

So this is why we have to try hard to listen on the front

Others do it, so don’t be afraid to be blunt

Use your voice, speak your Truth, it remains the way

You can chill, run, go, or stay

The Choice is up to you, but please don’t forget

If you hit a bump, a crack, or make a dent

Please find a way to make it okay

You know deep down that this is the Way

Imag(e)-i-Nation

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Imagination station, do you ever get caught up in contemplation

How deeply do you feel all your suppressed indignation

Does it sit right there on the surface, so that all can clearly see

Or does it hide deep in your depths, do you run when you think about “Me”

When you use your imagination, please, tell me what comes up

Does it happen very slowly, or does it seem fast and abrupt

Do you see the things as inside, or do they seem without

Do they leave you feeling confident or unsure and chock-full of doubt

Do the images remind you of the way things used to be

Or do they come from the future, are you using your mind to See?

And besides any images that arise, what about associated feelings

Do you just sit and observe the damn things or do you get on to reeling

And while we’re talking about feelings, well, what in the heck are those

Are they like the things we put on every day, kind of like we wear our clothes

To me they’re kind of like energy, like a stirring of something inside

The strange thing about these feelings is they can make us want to run ’n’ hide

But the cool thing about energy and feelings, remember, to me they’re kind of the same

Is that sometimes we can really help ourselves out just by giving that shit a name

Now this can be really hard, especially if we’re feeling overwhelmed

It might seem like the sea of life is rocking, forcing us to abandon our helm

But just because it gets really rocky doesn’t mean we don’t have what it takes

It just means that we’ll have to do the damn thing while it all wiggles and shakes

So use your head wisely, take your time, don’t do anything before you’re ready

Just keep in mind that you don’t have to wait until everything becomes extra steady

The Old Astronomer to His Pupil by Sarah Williams

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Reach me down my Tycho Brahe,—I would know him when we meet,
When I share my later science, sitting humbly at his feet;
He may know the law of all things, yet be ignorant of how
We are working to completion, working on from then till now.

Pray, remember, that I leave you all my theory complete,
Lacking only certain data, for your adding as is meet;
And remember, men will scorn it, ’tis original and true,
And the obloquy of newness may fall bitterly on you.

But, my pupil, as my pupil you have learnt the worth of scorn;
You have laughed with me at pity, we have joyed to be forlorn;
What, for us, are all distractions of men’s fellowship and smiles?
What, for us, the goddess Pleasure, with her meretricious wiles?

You may tell that German college that their honour comes too late.
But they must not waste repentance on the grizzly savant’s fate;
Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.

What, my boy, you are not weeping? You should save your eyes for sight;
You will need them, mine observer, yet for many another night.
I leave none but you, my pupil, unto whom my plans are known.
You “have none but me,” you murmur, and I “leave you quite alone”?

Well then, kiss me,—since my mother left her blessing on my brow,
There has been a something wanting in my nature until now;
I can dimly comprehend it,—that I might have been more kind,
Might have cherished you more wisely, as the one I leave behind.

I “have never failed in kindness”? No, we lived too high for strife,—
Calmest coldness was the error which has crept into our life;
But your spirit is untainted, I can dedicate you still
To the service of our science: you will further it? you will!

There are certain calculations I should like to make with you,
To be sure that your deductions will be logical and true;
And remember, “Patience, Patience,” is the watchword of a sage,
Not to-day nor yet to-morrow can complete a perfect age.

I have sworn, like Tycho Brahe, that a greater man may reap;
But if none should do my reaping, ’twill disturb me in my sleep.
So be careful and be faithful, though, like me, you leave no name;
See, my boy, that nothing turn you to the mere pursuit of fame.

I must say Good-bye, my pupil, for I cannot longer speak;
Draw the curtain back for Venus, ere my vision grows too weak:
It is strange the pearly planet should look red as fiery Mars,—
God will mercifully guide me on my way amongst the stars.

Re-member That Time

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Please tell me, where did the time go, and did you see it slip away?

Did you ask why it was leaving, or perhaps if it preferred to stay?

Maybe it got caught up somehow or the clock that tracked it broke

Maybe it needs a brand new wheel or maybe it just needs a Spoke

Please remember when dealing with time it can be such a tricky thing

Images will hit and feelings will stir, it’s hard to predict what’ll bring

But that doesn’t mean we should toss it away, ‘cause it has its very own place

It shares its room with us regularly but occasionally it makes its own Space

It keeps track of all of our memories, and each of the cherished years

It reminds us of the places we’ve been and of moments with all of our Peers

Time can have such a funny way of playing tricks on our minds

Just when you think you’ve caught up to it, you might notice you’re running behind

So don’t let <- time <- “get to you,” don’t all.ways fall prey to its petty little games

Keep the present in front of you, try to look through presence’s frames

Because although we can love our time, it is a very human condition

It puts in place this silly little thing, I’ll go ahead and call it a partition

You know you can’t be in 2 places at once while you are in your physical’s form

But the mind can travel lickety split, it doesn’t play into our physical’s-aim norms

So please use this knowledge wisely, please make sure that you consider time

Try to line up your present and physical experiences with your pretty little mind

LAN-g(a<->u)ge

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How do you choose your words, do you think about ‘em long?

Do you consider whether they’ll feel soft, or if they may feel strong?

And once released where will they seek to find a place to belong?

And were they sung from the deepest pit when you bellowed out your song?

Language is a funny thing, it’s such a weird i-Dea

We tend to prune it like a plant, like an absolute freaking chia

This can be quite hard, especially when words come from our mind

And usually if we’re carrying stuff it makes ‘em that much harder t’find

So what we need to do, is find a space that’s safe

One that’s special just for you, a sacred quiet place

Where things are still enough that you can hear the language of your heart

And it won’t come immediately, it won’t happen from the start

Our goal here is to shift away from using just words or speech

Actions and truth are necessary if we want to get real deep

Because although it seems contradictory, depth is truly the goal

You might think that it is height, but check the source of the things that you know

Be intentional with the words you choose, and with the things that you sew

Breathe

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You took me apart, but not right from the start

You began at my head, then you went for my heart

How can I breathe when you’re pushing but pulling

Is passive aggressiveness still considered bullying

Do the ends justify the means, or is it th’other way around ?

When you look at your thoughts, does your behavior confound…

the folks who are watching you and taking your pulse

Are they happy with the beat, or do they seem repulsed

And is it you, or is it them, or is it maybe just both

We’re all human, imperfect, and in some ways we’s gross

But don’t be afraid, please, to look your self in the mirror

Is what you see reflecting back on the better side of clearer?

Who fills you up? This world or your God?

Or have you finally learned that you need both, you sod

We love you but you’re strange, it’s been a really weird ride

But we’ve pushed all of that crap off and to the side

We’ve shown you the way, the truth, and the light

But you’ve learned your humanity can’t even fathom His bright

You will see the dark, it’ll become very apparent

And others may find that you’re now extremely declarant

Trust yourself, keep going, you’ve come very far

But be aware of your limits as you keep raising that bar

Broken Spirit

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Have you seen my littlest spirit, I lost just a little piece

She didn’t even ask me before she decided to release

I think she got a little confused, or maybe just unsure

Or maybe she met more in life than she felt she could endure

But now I’m ready to find her, because I haven’t felt quite whole

I’ve acted in ways I’m not proud of, I almost even stole

I’ve tried to fill her empty space with every possible thing

With all the things in this life, and even with things in dreams

But none of it has felt quite right as when she was here with me

Since she left, I’ll tell you what, I haven’t felt as real as real can be

So I’m going to make a space, one special and just for her

So when she’s ready to return, she’ll know we can endure

She’ll know it because she’ll see the love that I’ve carefully applied

She’ll see I never let my memory of her willingly slip aside

I’ll wait as patiently as she needs and keep my door unlocked

I’ll welcome her with open arms, even if she opens it but doesn’t knock

I can’t rush her process, it’s really truly hers

‘Cause when I try to control it, it seems to make it worse

So patience is the real key here, and steady careful strides

When the coast feels clearer, she won’t feel like she needs to hide

It really is some tricky stuff, caring for our littlest parts

But when we make them feel real safe, they nuzzle softly into our hearts

Sickness/Health

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I’m here on my knees, I’ve taken my last step

Will this be it…will I win that big bet

The one that I decided to place on my-self

To be responsible for my own well-being and health

To live in the light, and to walk in my truth

Have I lost what little I have left of my youth

It isn’t easy, or fun, and it won’t be a breeze

It won’t get easier, no matter how much you beg or you plead

Because when it got sewed it in, it was sewed very tight

You asked that it not be undone, even when you think, “but i’m right” !

This is the work, girl, it’s part of the deal

The work began when you decided you were going.to.heal!

You’re funny, and kind, and you’ve got a lot to give

You have a lot of your life left to act.u.ally live

Because you haven’t been living, no matter what you say

We’ve watched you hem and haw, you’ve rocked and you’ve swayed

But you’re getting there (slowly) more things are making sense

You’re more open to the world’s insights and beautiful hints

But you’ve gotta stop the hammering on your sensitive soul

There are some things – well most things – where you’re not in control

You will know what’s best for you, you precious little doll

Bet you didn’t see the way up when you took that big fall

Its view is getting clearer, you can almost see the next step

Encourage yourself, every single chance that you get

A-voi(D)ance

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Listen up please, we need to talk about avoidance

And don’t even try t’give me that look, ‘cause I know it’s of annoyance

Looking directly at “the stuff” is how it loses its grip

PULL IT UP to your eye-level so that it won’t make you trip

You’ll want to free your pathway from any scattered junk

So when you walk and move around you don’t move with extra funk

Avoidance is a tricky one, ‘cause you know it’s just right there

But you’ll do absolutely whatever it takes to keep from having to share

Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve?

Perhaps we’re afraid to make the assessment we know is well-deserved

Yes, of course that’s it, it’s really very simple

We’re afraid if we get real honest about our pain that it might actually triple !

But we can’t, we must, we have to move along

This crap we’ve stuffed way deep down is drowning out our song

And our song is THE THING that we’re meant to share with the world

God took our voice and who we are and with both in-hand he twirled

Can you even imagine, God dancing just to make you?

Then imagine how He’d feel if you didn’t do what He made you to do…

Well don’t, we won’t, it’s really not an option

And if you wish to go that way I’d say err on the side of caution

Lean into your Self, lean into your Spirit, and please don’t be afraid

Keep moving along your chosen path and one day you’ll “have it made”

Say what you mean.

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Have you ever been in that very strange place

Where someone asks you to please run at their pace

Where you were told how to act and how to behave

Told how to eat your food and which ones not to crave

It’s such a weird space that we occupy here

Where machines are built [this] way and for [so many] years

Some won’t want you original, a threat to their norm

When you say “this is it,” it may stir up a storm

All over another’s idea of how I should speak my truth

Well, you must not’ve heard about the history of ab.use

You see, its roots are responsible for tendering this fire

Fueled by grit, strength, and a depth of desire

To prepare myself enough to guide the ones who come

Like, what if they show up asking me, “what can be done?” !!!!

Because my answers won’t come from that lost inner kid

Who just said what they were told and did what others did

It’ll come from this adult who carefully constructed a foundation

With God, the right tools, and people-filled love stations

The things that charge and guide me when my light starts to dim

When the path turns dark and the window of sight becomes slim

Because when those storms come, I want my house to be ready

I don’t want to flood with fear and then question if it’s steady

I want to stand on tended ground with a confidence within

That will hold firm when the storms come bringing the winds

When the forecast is changing and its predictions are grim

It’ll be the place that we find ourselves after life fills with Him

If there’s one thing that I know, He weathers those storms

He’s got this super duper, invisible, magical platform

That underlies all that we do if we just follow His ways

You’ll be able to see the light even when the skies appear grey

And it won’t be perfect, don’t forget, that’s already been covered

He gave His own life so that we don’t have to suffer !!!

Can you even believe it!?? It actually really does take quite a while

But you’ve made it through in your own, individual, and unique kind of style 😝

Stinky Poop

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I need to tell you something about your poop: it stinks

And waaayyy worse at times than you may even actually think

And yes you have to do it, it’s a natural biological fact

Just don’t forget to have some awareness during these inevitable acts

Because even though we know you have to doo what you have to doo

Nooo one out here actually really wants to smell your poo !

So when it’s really stinky, please take the proper precautions

And if its scent will drift toward others just ensure it’s not too often

Protect your loved ones’ nostrils from the smelly and foul truth

Most know this issue is fact too, we’re no longer in our youth

You’ve been so brave to learn these lessons, even if they’re late

Don’t forget about the part of life that enacts your inevitable fate

Dismissive

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How do you get when it hits you in the face

When someone decides they’re gonna try t’put you in your place

With words, a firm look, or by creating some space

Is it hard not to feel like you’ve suddenly been replaced

With an idea, a phrase, or a fresh set of eyes

Is it a view that you will accept or go on to despise

Will you take it in to settle and weigh its future lesson

Or will you let it push you to a state of surprise-yourself aggression

Well don’t dismiss it when you get a really hard shot to your gut

When a blow hits you hard and there’s nothing in it to rebut

Because it may knock you loose from the stand that you’re on

You may get to see, as an adult, the natural instinct to fawn

But challenge yourself and be okay with things moving around

Even if that movement is in the direction of down

From being too high where you can’t see all of the views

A perspective that might actually make you feel lighter and new

So use judgment, take time, think through every step

Because that approach hasn’t failed you, not quite, not yet

It’s important that you learn to sit at every level

Where you’ll feel torn and tattered, confused and disheveled

Because then you’ll get to see, there are different points of view

You can sit with these and those, all are parts of your crew

It’s humanity, you nut, but you’ve known all along

Don’t dismiss the tune, when sung, of someone else’s song

Gently

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Gently Dear, gently, be careful how and where you tread

Don’t go and mess it up after you just finished making your bed

Not unless there was an error made somewhere along the way

Unless you put on the sheets on wrong and they simply refused to stay

But if that’s not the case, please just try to get some rest

Know that gently in life is funnily, actually, how we become our best

And what I mean by gently, is really just taking it easy

Especially when your bed shakes and you start to feel real queasy

Lay still in your faith and remember that the lesson is just to be

You’ve done your dirty laundry and this path will further set you free

Directionless

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When life brings you to a giant fork in the road

How do you determine which way you should go

Is it the appeal of the aesthetic on the path to the right

Or the coziness on the left, where the windings are tight

Is it the feeling you get thinking of one way or the other

Do you consider the weather and how often you’ll take cover

When you find yourself there does your chest get real tight

Do you panic when you worry about which direction is “right”

And when you get on the other side of the turn that you took

Will you get a little ways and want to stop and take a look

Back at the point where your decision was made

Will you ask if this is just a game in this life that gets played

Where there’s a winner and a loser, a number one and number two

Might people stop to stare at a defeated, lost you

Who couldn’t tell which way to go and what things to do

Was your clarity masked by an inner drive to subdue

Will slowing down make you fall over, despite your selection

Will you lose all of your securities and learned protections

Well, please don’t question your choices when the pull told you when

It’s the pull that will tell you, sometimes on a whim

But what you may end up seeing is the pain of being stuck

You’re not supposed to let the choices presented keep you in a rut

This is where self-confidence becomes so very critical

In case in one of your paths appears steeply uphill

A decision will be needed when you get to that space

You’ll have to make a hard choice to get to the next place

And the fork doesn’t mean that you’ll never circle back around

There’s a bigger map of this course that depicts where you get found

So please keep your faith and try to keep moving along

When the path gets real dark don’t just assume something’s wrong

Keep your strength and focus, know that you’re still very safe

So proud of the work you’ve done to get yourself to this place

You can do this. You’ve got it. You’ve always been enough

Don’t lose your hope when and just because the going gets tough

Transmission

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The phone rings, I pick it up, and what do you say?

“Hi dear. Hi little. How was your day?”

But before I can open my mouth to give you an answer

Your mouth opens, and out comes the cancer

The darkness our family has been carrying around

The stuff we take with us into the ground

I don’t want to be trapped in this sticky, black mess

I want it to be enough that I confessed, there’s nothing left

This is the way that we transform our pain

And if you decide ultimately that you’d like to refrain

The saying out there, it becomes very true

You will not be able to mask or subdue

You must transform your pain or you can be guaranteed

It’ll be passed to the littles with lightning speed

As a promise we made and it’s written in the stars

If you don’t do it, they won’t get far

So pull up your boots and lift up your spirits

Lean in closer, make sure you can hear it

Your pain will tell a story about your old self

The one who’s willing to sacrifice their health

Filled with rage and compulsions, confusion and hurt

You’ll feel as if you’ve been tossed around in the dirt

Unworthy of love, you’ll curl right up

It’ll fall on you like bricks, it’ll feel abrupt

But hold on tight and loosen your grip

Trust that you’ll be safe but prepare to be flipped

You’ll gain new vision and need to locate the ground

You’ll have to open your ears and your heart to new sounds

Because once the heavy stuff comes up for air

You’ll be thrown into this deep pit of despair

And besides what you’ll gain, you’ll lose a whole lot

You’ll let go of things before which you sought

It’ll all become clear, and you’ll start to feel steady

You’ll have to pause and reflect before you’re ready

To go the next length, to write the next chapter

To pursue all of the things that you truly long after

So spend some time here, don’t rush along

And don’t forget to remind yourself daily: you belong

Double Dutch

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Have you ever heard of the schoolyard game, double dutch?

It’s a game of jumping ropes but it can get pretty clutch

Because instead of just one rope, they actually swing two (!)

So it’ll take concentration and practice to show what you can do

Once the ropes start turning, it’ll be close to your time

You’ll have to connect with its dual rhythm and its rhyme

Patience and focus will be imperative to your success

Instead of just one rope, you’ll jump two to prove your best

This could go a couple ways, you could worry about your balance

Or you could pump yourself up for a special kind of challenge! 💪🏼

And if you think there’s been a mistake, well, please check your name for “God”

His mystery’s far too complex for us, it’s simply far too broad

So when your turn comes, please make sure that you are ready

Breath deep, anticipate, and keeeep it real steady

Then explode 💥 into the thick blur of spinning cords

Use your gut instincts, even when your brain and your eyes seem unsure

Because once you get the hang of it, you’ll merge with them like one

With the cords and the ropes around your Being being spun

You’ll learn to question the great fear that preceded this fun

And when it’s all over, you’ll take rest ‘n’ the rest will come undone

You will think this task is over but your training’s just begun

Pre-serving the Status Quo

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Have you ever heard of a thing out there called keeping the status quo?

Making things appear to all those near that everything’s entire(ly) UNDER-control

Well I’ll tell you now, it’s a bag of dicks ‘n’ tricks, often of the worst kind

Just to stare at the turmoiled state of affairs while exclaiming! 🔥 oh, but I’m blind 😎

One may even consider sacrificing their integrity just to keep from “rocking the boat”

We may do anything it takes to keep everything nice, to keep things in-tact and afloat

We may have to ask, “please hold this wheel, or it might take a big-ass turn”

Driven by all of our fears and all the anxieties that started to swarm and churn

“Hold on tight. We might lose our balance, someone could fall over-board”

So most of the people began grabbing and clinging, a visceral, unique type of hoard

But did anyone pay any attention to the shy little girl that clearly seems to be

A quiet passenger on the boat, but that also appears lost at sea

She’s sitting on the edge, holding on tightly to the spotless and cold railing

She says to the others, weathered in covers, I’d rather have a boat that goes sailing

Because at least on that boat, it’s true to itself, and to the powers that BE

When Mother Nature takes hold, passengers get bold, and finally I experience “me”

Because she’s not just the girl that stands on the world to feel concrete under her feet

She’d rather set sail on an adventure that entails some experiences she defines neat

It may not be popular, it may not be pretty, but at least it won’t end in defeat

She’ll keep sailing along, singing her songs, focusing on her true needs

Little by Little

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This is how it happens, Dear, just little by little

Because God knows you truly, deeply and all the places you’re still brittle

But He also knows your strengths, so don’t think that He doesn’t care

When around a certain issue He flings you up into the air

Maybe that’s the test you’re given, to see if you can fly

Or if on your way tumbling down you simply wave at passers by

This is the price we pay for being one of His beloved

Some days we rise ‘n’ shine and other days we may feel rugged

But no matter what happens, I beg you, please do not forget

To take your sense of humor along, to bring your love and wit

‘Cause these subjects are really heavy, and not only just for you

Think about all the others – you know, your family and your crew

We’re all fighting our battles inside in one way or another

And isn’t it cool that to ease our load we can (at times) lean on each other

You’re becoming aware of just how much others have pulled some of your weight

Don’t over-criticize yourself quite yet, it’s had to do with your lowly state

You’ve come to learn there are 3 different ways that the enemy can creep-in

Generational curses, harm done to you, and your own individual sin

The best news about all of this is that everything is getting clearer

You’ve unloaded a lot, you’ve done the work, you can finally look in the mirror !

You’re getting close to having the strength to help OTHERS carry THEIR loads

And on occasion you’ll be given the chance to listen and forebode

Pay attention to all of the messages that you’ve been gifted to receive

Keep your focus on your goals and continue to build strength in what you believe

Success

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

You’re doing it kid, stop and take a look around

After a long game of hide-and-seek, look who’s getting found !

YourSELF. It’s YOU. Finding YOUR place in this world

Hasn’t it been batshit just how many times you’ve been hurled

Into some spaces with which others may not relate

You don’t need their affirmation, its absence won’t negate

Your truth of your experiences, they’ve been pretty wild

Overcoming trauma, neglect, and abandonment! 😯 My child!!

It’s been super awesome to get to be a part of

I freaking told you (!!!) that you’re made of sunshine and stardust

Please don’t forget to pause and give yourself some credit

It will help you to feel a sense of healthy pride, if you’ll let it

Because not many would trudge down the path that you’ve cleared

Many have questioned you, mocked you, some even sneered !

But you’ve trusted your gut, and the God that gave you life

You pushed through when He doled out the pain and the strife

You prayed on your knees for the strength and the will

You asked Him to guide you when you could not sit still !

And now you’re starting to see just some of the gifts

Of allowing yourself to dive into your personal abyss

How brave and courageous, and a little crazy, too

But don’t be scared, those who love you will do so for YOU

You’ve learned that time exists as a humanity constraint

But when Spirit steps in, it can do what humans cain’t

Stay on this path, now you’ve found where you’re going

It’s just a matter of time before your healing really starts showing

Level-Up

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How will you know if you’re being asked to level-up?

I’m not sure you can prepare for it, it’s gonna seem abrupt

You may feel lost and confused, abandoned and afraid

You’ll do anything to survive… you’ll do whatever it takes

But that is the old you, the one you’re starting to heal

And while it may look ugly at first, it’s a really big deal!!

Your awareness of your patterns is how they start to shift

Awareness will fall upon you, it may even cause some riffs

But now it won’t be the same as it’s been in the past

The lies that you told yourself, well, they just won’t last !!

Your ultimate truth is starting to come up for air

To help pull you out of your deep pit of despair

You can have all of your feelings, thoughts, and emotions

Just don’t create – when you can control it – unnecessary commotion

Especially not with others, you must stay in your lane

You know it’s not their fault when you’re “going in-sane”

And if they do in fact contribute to the pain that you feel

Create distance, don’t sweat it, just keep keeping it real

Find your center, use your sight, and be very clear

But be willing to examine all angles and how each one appears

Parts will remind you of the Big Book’s step four and step five-

Your gears will shift from reverse, to neutral, to drive

You understand now that virtue exists in your mind

Don’t look at what you’re doing then exclaim, “but, I’m blind” !

Now you have some knowledge, some tools, and some of your peeps

Don’t be afraid to join your crew, your people, the freaks!

Now this part’s really hard, you’ll have to be brutally honest

But these are the times — heavy times are upon us!

So you must purge, let it go, please lighten your load

Don’t let any-one push you to the point you explode

Learn to keep your cool and focus on the task at-hand

The ones labeled yours, that are YOURS to command

And let others have theirs, they have their journeys, too

It’s not always your work, it’s not always about you!!

Oh and here’s one thing you’ll really have to start to absorb

Put it on repeat: your actions speak louder than your words!!

You’re doing great, a little wobbly, but you are gaining ground

Don’t forget to enjoy, don’t forget to pause and look around

Baby steps is how you get there and you’re doing just fine

Keep your eye on the prize, next let’s focus on the mind

Silence

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

What do you say when you can’t find the words

When their selection might determine what ends up being heard

Sometimes I have thoughts, and other times I’m blank

And sometimes it gets jumbled all together if I’m frank

As I started coming into a deeper awareness

I started thinking about things, like duality and fairness…

Or what makes me me, and what makes you you…

When you’re not sure about life, what do you do

Do you stay where you are and ask lots of questions

When life drags you around, do you seek out the lessons

Do you pick yourself up at every which turn

From all of your experiences, do you try to learn

Because life will give you moments that were made just for you

Opportunities and trials for you to work through

Don’t see them all as just big bumps in the road

Get out your tools and start trying to de-code

You’ll know that you were meant to be where you are

Because God put you underneath that sky and those stars!

And if you get scared, just know that it will eventually get better

Pray, go easy, and don’t apply too much pressure

But also know when to give yourself timeout

Watch for any stirrings of confusion or doubt

Don’t hurt the people who are extra sensitive and sweet

The ones who you think are super real and pretty neat

The people who came into your life solely to enhance

Don’t abuse, confuse, or fall into a trance

Be honest with yourself and always wear your authenticity

If things get overwhelming shift to genuine simplicity

Keep your intentions pure and if you find there’s been an intrusion

Love yourself hard, purge the feelings, it might be in seclusion

See, energies will creep in so you have to pay close attention

It’s an art to work it down, it’s a WAR OF ATTRITION

Thank you for your part, it sure as shit hasn’t been easy

But with all of this practice, it’ll become easy-breezy

We call this, “conditioning,” you should be very familiar

But this time, darling, you’ve been given the chance to reconfigure

Your innards, your wiring, and what is written in your heart

What you didn’t know when it was being mauled and torn apart

Was that you would be the one who gets to put it back together

And with the team that you picked, life will just keep getting better and fucking better!!

Who am I? / Who I am.

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I spent most of my life having faith in all of them

Most of them I considered trusted family or friends

Were their intentions good, did they have a firm grasp

Of the ideas they projected upon which I clasped

Or did I get confused when others tried to impress

Their ideas onto me if their minds were hard-set

Well now I’ve arrived at the part where I begin

I’ll no longer allow my head to fall or to spin

I can listen to their words but still make up my mind

About who I am, it’s not by them I’m defined

So as I keep going, I will do what I need

I’ll keep the ones close who’ll help me succeed

In understanding my Self, my morals and values

Please present your steady attention, shall you?

I believe that everything here happens for a reason

That people are there for a lifetime, a reason, or a season

That when we feel doubt, we need to amp up our faith

And remember that in His eyes we’re not a disgrace

There may be some heavy things that come up for air

They need lots of love, we can’t fall into despair

We trust that if we’re suffering we must’ve been gifted

With this task of healing, we’ve never really drifted

Far from the places that we must stand tall

Always ready for a serve, a spike, and a fall

For all of us here these paths have been chosen

And any pot in which we’re planted we must grow in

It could be weeks or years, maybe even decades

We can survive mental health, break-ups, and plagues

The trick is to believe that anything is possible

Yes we could focus instead on the probable

But life is guaranteed to throw you some curves

You’ll try to jump, to dodge and then swerve

But most of the big stuff, it was written in the stars

So no matter where you go be sure to stand for who You Are

Big Heave

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You were flung up real high and then taken down low

A serious breakthrough occurred, don’t you know

You felt it in your body, it shot up and down your spine

Intense shaking and sweating, you started to unwind

The energy was overwhelming, as it can often be

But when you came out of it found that you could clearly see

There was no more uneasiness, no more masking heavy doubt

You suddenly knew what you needed and couldn’t live without

What you’ve come to see is that it’s all part of the plan

God had to take you up and down to teach you how to stand

I know it can be very scary, you saw an awful lot of things

But please reflect on how much clarity those sights and images bring

There was a little baby, wrapped quietly on a table

In front of a window with a cross, the sight appeared quite stable

But what you didn’t know is what the image helps portray

A symbol of the One who knows you and who always stays

So even when you think you’re alone and that no one really cares

Remember the love of the One who made you never can compare

So pick your head up, open your eyes, and continue seeing clearly

There’s a ways to go in this life, so tread light and hold it dearly

Perspective

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How do you look at things, from which angles

Do you hold them real close then up high so they can dangle

Do you look from far away, then turn them upside down

Do you stand on top and then spin them around

I’d like to share with you about something called perspective

It might require that you pause and get a bit reflective

It’s all about how you choose to look at every thing

How you perceive the good and the bad that things bring

For example, when you begin looking at a loss

You might be examining what you paid, as in cost

But what you might be missing is cost as in investment

Which can be hard to see, especially if you were an adolescent

You might’ve lost a lot, you might’ve really strained

But you’ve gained so much more that your vision must change

Practice framing your stories in a positive light

Don’t only focus on their elevation, your plight

Especially not the ones you try to kill yourself for

It takes them too, sometimes you can do nothing more

Adopt the understanding that you can’t win them all

Sometimes you’ll stand, other times you’ll fall

What’s so important is that you just keep on going

Even if it’s not clear, all of the “knowing”

What’s taken place, it was written in the stars

From your fated place, you’ve never strayed far

You get what is needed: people, places, and things

When it feels really good, and even when it stings

So don’t forget to reconsider when you start to reflect

Just when you think you know, double-check

‘Cause there’s a holiness in all things, even the pain

You might see a loss when there’s also a gain

So keep on practicing, it’s a very important lesson

Once you get going, we’ll move onto the next one

Save Your Self

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No one can save you, you have to save your self

You have to fix your life, your perspectives, your health

If you don’t, unfortunately, neither can “they”

No matter who comes, who goes, or who stays

See this is adulthood… it can really be hard

You’ll wade through your karma, your past, its shards

You’ll blame other people, then look in the mirror

Your sight, if you work at it, will keep getting clearer

You’ll see them and they, she and then he

Then one day you’ll wake up and be shocked to see “me”

Now this is the part where you’ll want to give up

Because some of your decisions, when examined, they’re rough

You’ve been selfish and self-centered, you’ve blamed and shamed

You’ve labeled others’ demons, you’ve called them names

This started in childhood, when the chaos was rampant

You didn’t know when it was coming ‘cause you didn’t plan it

When the big people flailed, you had to learn to tell

Will this end in glory, or will I wind up in hell

Do I need to play it soft, sweet, and kind

Or do I need to “put up my dukes” and defend from a bind

But I’ll tell you something sweet, much sweeter than this

Life will give you good stuff you won’t want to miss

You’ll find love and friends, adopted sibs and parents

You’ll go on trips, tours…fulfill God-given errands

And yours are for you, so please don’t compare

We’re all of God’s children, special and rare

Stay present for your life, its gifts and struggles

When a fight comes up, show ‘em your knuckles

But when it gives you beauty, try to just rest

You can be totally relaxed and still be your best

As a matter of fact, God wants you to know

You’ve gotta take a break from lugging baggage in-tow

Thank you for deciding to try to be responsible

Just wait until you see what it can all make possible

Death Grip

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I’m sorry that I don’t know how to let go

It’s like the answers are in front of me, but I don’t want to know

It’s easier to pretend that something is when it isn’t

Wipe your eyes child, I thought you had 20/20 vision ?

….See, YOU(R) awareness is attached to YOU(R) experience…

And yes, about it, you tend to be very serious

But you have to remind yourself where YOU-ARE

And you can’t forget, others from afar

It takes consideration, and yes this is new

And you’ll have to work at lessening the amount you subdue

Your feelings and experiences, they’re all part of it

And we already know, “fine, [you’ll] face but not love it” 🙄

You see, life is all about walking the walk

If at any point, your mouth is going to open to talk

Don’t be about all of the smoke and mirrors

Step into your experiences and look a bit clearer

Every place you find yourself, that’s where you are

And you know your God, so don’t ever think you are far

From the intended location of your current presence

Think in symbols, and the the fear will start to lessen

Thank God for each day that you have on this earth

Even when it feels like you’re dying (often and) slowly by bursts 🔥

Hymns and Haws

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

There’s a flow to life, the way that it goes

The way it moves, shakes, rattles and rolls

It’ll bring you to your best, and show you your worst

It’ll make you come in last, then put you in first

You’ll think that you know, and maybe you do

But let time pass, live life all the way through

There’s a cycle to existence that never really stops

It’s still moving, even when out bodies drop

But what you’ll come to find as the clock hands tick

Is that your team, they’re the ones that YOU and God picked

Sometimes that’ll be him, or her, or them

Other times, on your own self and God you’ll depend

But please don’t give up as folks enter your world

The next decades you’ll find your self being hurled

Into the lives for which you’ve got to fight tooth and nail

Sometimes you’ll feel weak and other times pale

But the body can withstand more than you know

Don’t let its deceptions cause delay on life’s show

Step into the light and claim your rightful stake

You know the path, the way, and your fate

Honest, Hard Work

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Wade through the muck, please do what you need

This honest, hard work’s very necessary to succeed

If you don’t unravel your personal confliction

It’ll be hard to overcome your powerful addiction

See you went from repress, to suppress, to escape

Because you discovered it’s easier to manipulate the physical along the way

To wrestle the mind can really be draining

Especially if at work you spend a lot of time straining

Balance is a thing upon which the universe relies

Be friends with your mind, it’s nothing to despise

It works hard and fast, to take care of you

Looking for “reasons” so that it can subdue

These feelings in your body that want to come out

It’s yearning for you to allow it to scream and to shout

Don’t trap them inside, that game’s getting old

Opportunities are arising but your plate’s getting cold

Feed yourself from the deep pit of your stomach

Its outside’s not flat, but learn how to love it

Parent your child, who needs you to be

As honest as you never even thought you could be

Trust your guides, yourself, and your learned knowledge

Hurry up and get through the necessary college

Your calling is waiting for you to catch up

And please remind yourself daily, you’re enough

Reassurance

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Use your Will to will

So you can stop feeling you’re being pushed down a hill

Step into your Light

Knowing that by nature you can’t always shine bright

Accept who You are

It might not’ve felt like it, but you’ve never been far

Stand in your Place

Keep creating, staking, and owning your space

Use your real Voice

For the ones near you who may not always have a choice

Remember your roots

So that you and your company will remain in cahoots

Practice humility

Don’t abuse the divine gift you’ve been given in your abilities

Stay in your lane

Remember, you’re not God, don’t act so in vain

Cherish your life

Despite all the loss, heartache, and strife

The truth is, you’re free

You’ve just struggled through healing your poor little me

Open your eyes

Life no longer has to remain cloaked in disguise

Lift your head up

And remember that I AM THE ONE who fills up your cup

Pat yourself on the back

For climbing the mountain to get back on track

Love yourself first

The Love that you emanate might quench someone’s thirst

Try to just be

That is always where you will find comfort in ME

Depth

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There’s a well of sadness residing deep within me

I buried it long ago so that no one else could see

The pain that I feel, it’s too much to bear

If the floodgates were opened you’d stop to stare

Where do you start when you feel you’re at the end

Of your wits, your strength, and your ability to tend

To your needs, the hurt, and the pit of despair

Take your hands off your throat and please come up for air

This life isn’t a race, all you really have is now

Let the tears fall from your eyes and the sweat from your brow

Don’t run from the pain, the secret’s in the depth

And you know what they say, even “Jesus wept.”

Confliction

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Tell me when you feel the weight of your Spirit

Or the sound that it makes, lean in so you can hear it

It’s with your human self that you’ll have to assess

It’s in your body that you’ll ultimately have to acquiesce

You can’t gauge the infinite in a limited being

It’s not with your eyes that you do all your seeing

You’re both, can’t you see, it’s why you get confused

Your humanity gets in the way and senses get misused

You play roles in waking life and then doze off to sleep

Then you fall into your dreams equally as deep

You’re just as there as you are when you’re awake

You have equal amounts invested and at stake

In your conscious and subconscious, they both play a role

When you try to make sense of them you fall into a hole

Of your thoughts that never really seem to slow down

If each were a drop of water you’d surely have drowned

I know you get tired of the pulling confliction

It’s being stuck in the middle that feeds your addiction

To staying in the dark where it’s hard to clearly see

Where tears pour from your eyes and your heart bleeds

Stay soft, little girl, ‘cause the battle sure ain’t over

Lean in close and get to know your inner warrior

Chop Wood and Carry Water

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

It’s the end of the decade, and look where you are

I bet you didn’t think you’d make it this far

In such a short time, I know it felt like ages

But rapid-speed is how quickly you moved through the stages:

Childhood re-lived, you had your rebirth

It was horrifically painful – it felt like the first

You learned to be dependent, a hard one for you

But you kept your faith and found peace in the clues

Next you learned to crawl, and that movement was slow

To prove you don’t always dictate the pace at which you go

Then you learned to walk and you were well on your way

And the choice became whether or not to go or to stay

But once you got the hang of it, you realized it’s all the same

You’re always right there, no matter the place’s name

By this time you’re running and you’ve found a nice pace

Despite the quick movement, you know that life’s not a race

There are things in control that are much greater than you

You’re part of it all but you’re just a bite of the stew

I know it’s strange, the happenings that go on

The symbolic shifts through the dark and the dawn

It’s hard to talk about them because not everyone sees

Even though they may say it, it’s still hard to believe

That the universe is magic by the definition we learned

It exists when life feels soft and when it’s firm

If we can open ours eyes to what’s right in front of us

Everything else that goes on well, we just have to trust

When the skies go gray and the temperature gets hotter

Just keep chopping wood and carrying water

Change

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever really wanted to change

To expand and shift your previous range

Of understanding, emotions, and relationships-

You’ll blow-up your perception, it’ll explode into bits

To face a dilemma that’s never really shifted

Please return from the place to which you unknowingly drifted

Be ready to open your mind to the truth

At first you may feel subjected to what they call “fake news”

Because realities feel firm, it can seem we’re defined

By the present situation presenting in our minds

But the truth is, you really have the will to choose

You don’t have to walk around wearing that artificial noose

If you jump into your skin, you’ll ultimately find

You aren’t really the sum of the workings of your mind

At least not thus far, but it’s getting stronger

Your consciousness is waking up, it can’t sleep any longer

So tell your animalistic, wired-wrong amygdala

It no longer has to feel ruled by the Emperor, Caligula

You’ll see when you get there, as you usually do

But we appreciate you paying close attention to the clues

Keep your hopes high, and your courage ever-steady

Everything comes to you in perfect timing: when you’re ready

Evolution

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I wish you would please tell me, what ever is the trick

To figure out the messages and to make them stick

I’m not talking about the black stuff that my feet get stuck in

And not the place I put my head every time it starts to spin

Where’s the assurance of what really is the Truth

And where’s the confirmation that there’s really any use

To always being the one who’s trying to figure it all out

Everyone else just seems to want to scream and shout

But don’t we all deserve it, to get to stand in our Light

And to lower our fists when it comes to the knock-down drag-out fights

What if we maybe tried using some of our words

And what if that way we actually ended up being heard

By just being honest about what’s truly on our hearts

And trust me, I get it, that’s the hardest fucking part

Because if you’re anything like me, you’re not always very clear

About which thoughts and feelings to share as they appear

Is this one old? Is this one True? Or is it the same old lie?

My mind tends to make things up which leads to my demise

Life is funny, and I’m not sure it’ll ever really be solved

What seems to happen is that we just continue to evolve

Book of Resolution (DRAFT)

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

It’s the middle of the night and I’m writing again

Living life as if just around the corner there’s an end

To this struggle that I’ve had since I was a wee little tot

The problem is I didn’t have to give it any thought

My feeling body shut down so I was completely numb

And I convinced myself along the way that I must’ve been dumb

But the opposite was true and I just couldn’t see

All of the gifts that I had if I could only be me

Well isn’t it funny that now I’m back in that place

In that safe, familiar, and seemingly rotten space

Of trying to numb because now my feelers are on

And for two+ years the wall of protection’s been gone

So now I’m just hurting but also unwilling to listen

And I’m sure that the lesson is to love myself without condition

But my patience is wearing and my desire to arrive

At a place that my ego keeps trying to contrive

Is blowing up bigger than I feel I can stand

My ego is taking over and has become something grand

It’s laughing in my face while it continues to resist

I get the ball rolling and its clinging just persists

I fall flat on my face and when I look up I see

People laughing and staring at this oblivious me

Who doesn’t know which way to go or how to overcome

I’m afraid if I don’t get it someone will call this game done

So I spin my wheels everyday wondering how can I “win”

But I can’t even fucking find the willingness to begin

It’s like the answers are staring me right in the face

Still I brush them aside and on my forehead write, “disgrace”

Because everyone around me knows it’s a matter of choice

When I open my mouth to tell ego it cuts off my voice

I’m tired of the fact that I keep myself here

In pain, suffering, waiting for willingness to appear

I’m equally as tired of hearing myself bitch

As I victimize myself when to the poor I seem rich

I wish I could just sit without the feud inside

That’s what the drugs and the food are trying to provide

But shit doesn’t work so you’d think I’d just stop

‘Cause when the voices start back up again the place-marker drops

Help me, I’ve Fallen

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I feel like some kind of a fallen angel

Who lives in a state of defend-from-constant-danger

And it doesn’t seem like a break is comin’ anytime soon

So hunker down and get ready for a life-altering boom

It’s not a punishment kid, it’s just part of the walk

The kind that you reference during all of those spiritual talks

Healing is ugly, it’s raw and it’s in your face

Not everyone will find themselves in a similar space

So don’t worry if it’s not easy for everyone to understand

Don’t think it means you deserve some kind of internal reprimand

And don’t be afraid of this place that you’re in

It’s not the result of some kind of immortal sin

You’re not defective, there’s really nothing wrong

With you my dear, so don’t think that you don’t belong

As a matter of fact, you have a very specific destination

And although strange, there’s a reason for your stubborn indignation

You see, it drives you to the place beneath the surface

And it’s part of your very important and divinely-assigned purpose

But remember that the path is long and it’s hard

You knew that when you flipped them over and revealed your hand of cards-

When you woke up, and became aware of what’s real-

When you decided that for yourself and for your family you’d heal

So the clouds broke apart and God lit up your world

Right before you packed up, left, and were hurled

Into this place where you’ll learn to sit in the dark

So that with these same people, someday you’ll embark

On a journey to help the world lick their wounds

Because we all have to crawl out from under our tombs

To do the work that’s necessary for our growth

And it won’t be what we want, but what we need the most

So don’t worry, although I know it seems tough

And please don’t forget to remind yourself daily: you’re enough

The B̶r̶o̶k̶e̶n̶ Healing Place

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

You are needed where your heart feels the most broken

Where your lips quiver at even the thought of all the words left unspoken

Where your pain wraps you up and swallows you whole

Where you planned, you plotted, and clearly outlined your goal:

To get out, to escape, to run far and never return

This is the land where your bones rattle and your soul’s fire burns

You are needed where your heart feels the most broken

‘Cause life’s like a game at the circus, and your pain is your token

It will disappoint you most of the time, and you’ll feel you’re coming up short

But I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask you, please don’t abort

Your efforts in this game of life that you’ll play

Where you’ll learn some real and tough lessons along the way

The ones that you chose, before whence you came

You even hand-picked all of the people you could blame

But blame is a humanity thing, if you didn’t already know

You love them and you asked them to come here to show

You how to get the things that you want for your Highest Self

It may not look like fame, a sea of friends, or even excessive wealth

But it will be what you need to help you evolve along the way

Trust your instincts when you want to leave but they tell you to stay

Despite the fire in your soul and the pain that rattles your bones

Because it’s the trauma that will surface and you’ll come due on your loans

Find your space, find your people, it’s all going to be okay

Don’t forget, it was all pre-planned any-fucking-way

Growing Up

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

What’s this icky, mucky, yucky mess? 

Sorry to say, but I must confess 

There’s a little girl, she’s trapped inside 

And all she’s known is run-and-hide 

Protect that heart, it’s the number one 

Priority following the devastating shun 

That shut her down and turned her in 

When it becomes too much, her head does spin 

Around and around, if it builds up speed 

Get out quick, my warning please heed 

The sight will make you feel an ache 

And in hearing about the crushing heart-break 

You’ll learn that she was left, all alone 

And that it seems as if she’ll always be prone 

To those old ways and how it’s been 

At the sight I’ll admit I sometimes cringe 

It’s such a slow go, this growing thing 

With the aches and pains it seems to bring 

But that’s life and how it’ll always be 

Don’t expect that you’ll ever truly be free 

From the highs and the lows, it’s a kind of game 

So pick your head up and try to sustain  

Because balance exists, it’s all around 

First you’ll feel lost, then you’ll feel found 

There’s night and day, birth and death 

And don’t try to say that God made a mess 

Of this beautiful place, where joy and pain 

Exist together with loss and gain 

Because if you didn’t have both, how would you know? 

The value when it actually starts to show 

That you’ve grown up, and finally begun 

To lessen the moments when you come undone

So you move and you bend, and sometimes you break 

But you try not to forget what’s really at stake 

It’s a chance to hold a Loving space 

For those when they cry out, “Holy Grace!” 

And someday you’ll get to stand in your light 

After the years of a seemingly never-ending fight 

With who you think you are, or maybe should be 

The time will come when you will see 

There’s a little girl in most of us 

And we all need someone that we can trust 

So when you come out on the other side 

You’ll be the lucky one that gets to provide 

A space where someone can bravely say, 

“I’m scared… do you think, maybe you could stay?”

You’ll hold her hand and you’ll quickly feel 

The familiar feeling of being stuck in that wheel 

You’ll say, “it’s okay, I’ll stay right here 

And I’ll listen to you, sweet little dear 

Because you matter, and I want you to know 

This is simply a chance for you to grow” 🌳 

So she keeps going, and she’ll always remember 

To love that little girl, and to never forget her

Family

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Here we go, time to take a huge leap of faith 

I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be a disgrace 

To this path of healing that I willingly jumped on 

When suddenly in the dark I got a glimpse of the dawn 

Family of origin, we’ll be spending some time 

So fucking rare it inspired these rhymes 

It’s been over a decade, maybe even two 

Of being trapped in the memories of all the abuse 

In the younger years when it seemed like everyone was fighting 

Back when I still knew how to purge with my writing 

But we’re all growing up in our own little ways 

Maybe these are the new-found lighter kind of days 

Of laughter, joy, and everything else 

We don’t have to accept the hand we thought we’d been dealt 

It’s uncomfortable as hell but it’s cool to sit back and see

What we’re all going through and who we’re turning out to be 

If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably similar to 

Childhood for us, which we all quickly outgrew 

So a regression of sorts to when our hearts were open 

I can see the healing in what felt irreparably broken 

The journey isn’t over, I think it goes on forever 

At least in this life, maybe an infinite endeavor 

But I chose them, and they chose me 

So we might as well work together to help each other see

The beauty of living with our hearts open wide

It ain’t easy but we can take it all in stride

We’ll hold hands, breathe deep, and take a leap together 

Because some of these souls I’ve chosen forever 

My soul people they are, so I suppose I’ll do 

Everything I can, I’ll keep following the clues 

From my guides, my God, and all of those willing 

To help us on this rocky path towards forgiving 

Ourselves and the ones we feel we’ve been harmed by 

It may not always look like it, but every day I try 

To give all the energy that I can muster up 

I must say some days it doesn’t feel like enough 

But along the way, I’ve learned how to be kind 

To myself and others, no more navigating blind 

Those days are over, time to face the light 

Even on the days when it seems too goddamn bright 

It’s okay to accept the love into our hearts 

It’s from somewhere that we all have to pick a place start 

Thank you for this process, it sure hasn’t been easy 

It’s turned me into all sorts of different kinds of cheesy 

Towards the people I meet as I continue to move on 

And as I learn to accept the darkness with the dawn 

Thank you for this life, it’s so beautiful and messy 

What a gift to receive all these magical blessings 

I’ll keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other 

In my world that no longer requires an armor to cover- 

Up who I am and who I really want to be 

Which is a choice, and I choose, I think I’d rather be free