You think I don’t know? You’re wrong.
I can sense you’ve taken advantage of my song.
It’s a gift. Not meant to create rifts.
Thank you for monitoring while my soul floats adrift, in this game of life.
It’s a sea.
Choose to believe, each other.
Here we go, time to take a huge leap of faith
I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be a disgrace
To this path of healing that I willingly jumped on
When suddenly in the dark I got a glimpse of the dawn
Family of origin, we’ll be spending some time
So fucking rare it inspired these rhymes
It’s been over a decade, maybe even two
Of being trapped in the memories of all the abuse
In the younger years when it seemed like everyone was fighting
Back when I still knew how to purge with my writing
But we’re all growing up in our own little ways
Maybe these are the new-found lighter kind of days
Of laughter, joy, and everything else
We don’t have to accept the hand we thought we’d been dealt
It’s uncomfortable as hell but it’s cool to sit back and see
What we’re all going through and who we’re turning out to be
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably similar to
Childhood for us, which we all quickly outgrew
So a regression of sorts to when our hearts were open
I can see the healing in what felt irreparably broken
The journey isn’t over, I think it goes on forever
At least in this life, maybe an infinite endeavor
But I chose them, and they chose me
So we might as well work together to help each other see
The beauty of living with our hearts open wide
It ain’t easy but we can take it all in stride
We’ll hold hands, breathe deep, and take a leap together
Because some of these souls I’ve chosen forever
My soul people they are, so I suppose I’ll do
Everything I can, I’ll keep following the clues
From my guides, my God, and all of those willing
To help us on this rocky path towards forgiving
Ourselves and the ones we feel we’ve been harmed by
It may not always look like it, but every day I try
To give all the energy that I can muster up
I must say some days it doesn’t feel like enough
But along the way, I’ve learned how to be kind
To myself and others, no more navigating blind
Those days are over, time to face the light
Even on the days when it seems too goddamn bright
It’s okay to accept the love into our hearts
It’s from somewhere that we all have to pick a place start
Thank you for this process, it sure hasn’t been easy
It’s turned me into all sorts of different kinds of cheesy
Towards the people I meet as I continue to move on
And as I learn to accept the darkness with the dawn
Thank you for this life, it’s so beautiful and messy
What a gift to receive all these magical blessings
I’ll keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other
In my world that no longer requires an armor to cover-
Up who I am and who I really want to be
Which is a choice, and I choose, I think I’d rather be free
I feel as if I’m floating in a womb
Before now, honestly, it felt like a tomb
And maybe it was, I can’t be sure
I think both are rebirth and equally as pure
I am ready to be born and done with all of that
Small thinking and the internal tit for tat
So much work, it seems all I do is grind
I wonder if I will ever really come to find
My purpose here in the work that I do
To my current state I feel stuck like glue
What am I waiting for and when will it come?
In the meantime maybe I’ll come undone
Perhaps that’s the purpose, a slow death of the old
Maybe you have to experience some kind of chokehold
Before you’ll give up and scream Uncle in this chapter
Right when it turns into an utter disaster
Because healing and change don’t always feel good
They challenge everything that’s under the hood
Of our Selves, our hearts, and all of our beliefs
Sometimes it takes years, other times it’s brief
What a strange feeling of death and birth
I can honestly say that it feels like a first
But I think it’s because I was focused on the end
The thought of new beginnings blew away with the wind
The darkness used to come and go much more quickly
But this year it turned into weeks and months of sick me
Maybe now it’s time that I get a small glimpse
Beyond the heavy muck and everything dense
I welcome the light when it’s ready to be
Something I deserve and am prepared to see
I get little sparks of hope, I find comfort in my people
I found I can pray on my knees without a steeple
It’s a constant thing that I try to do
Communicate with those who are willing to come through
With a message for me, from this plane or another
That give me signs of the things that are yet to be uncovered
Thank you for the gifts of my family’s healing
Sometimes it still feels like a dream and my mind’s reeling
I’m ready to be done with this old conditioned wiring
I need to break through and feel something inspiring
I can and I will, it’s a matter of time
For now I’ll keep giving the old clock a wind
Everyday Awakenings 