You think I don’t know? You’re wrong.
I can sense you’ve taken advantage of my song.
It’s a gift. Not meant to create rifts.
Thank you for monitoring while my soul floats adrift, in this game of life.
It’s a sea.
Choose to believe, each other.
Do the right thing, use your True intentions;
Be specific when deciding what kinds of things you’d like to mention.
Do you align, and do all of your parts seem to be in order?
Have you taken a look around in your personal, individual quarters-
Before you started dipping all of your hands in others’ arenas?
When you create, in your mind, do you also see hyenas?
Please reconsider, please take a look at your own dial,
Consider how you’ll act when and if presented in a court of trial.
Listen up my dear, it’s okay to be known
It’s actually a really big sign that you’ve truly grown
Accepting all the different parts of your wonder-ful self
Learning how to be responsible for your own personal health
It may not be very easy, but it sure beats the alternative
Your head will screw on straight and you’ll be able to see whose turn it is
Because it isn’t always yours, growing up means at times being self-less
It means it all comes together and finally life feels a little less reckless
You deserve to stand up tall, and give yourself a pat on the back
You went right on through it, you stayed on your right track
And now you’ll get to see some of the fruits of your difficult labor
You’ve learned that your rock hard place exists with your personal Savior
It’s such a beautiful walk, one we would never want to miss
Now this life will not pass you by without getting to experience bliss
How dreamy that someone might dream of me
And if you do, please tell me what it is that you see
Am I a princess, a teacher, or a big scary stranger
Do I make you feel safe or do I lead you to danger
Are we up in the mountains or floating in the ocean
Do we appear whole or irreparably broken
Do we stray far from home or stay very close
Do you find me appealing or am I quite gross
What part of your dream is real and what part is fake
Is it a fleeting thought or unquestionable fate
Do you wake up in a panic or maybe a sweat
Do you question the content, the players, or depth
Or do you dream of unicorns, your family, your pets
Do you dream of your future and your past regrets
Or are your dreams so very off from including me
By so much that I couldn’t quite possibly see
That you were never even really dreaming at all
And my thoughts got too big to see that they were small
The truth is that I’m the one dreaming awake
And I have to figure out what’s truly at stake
We need to spend some time talking about your healthy self
Pick up that version, take it down off the shelf
Crack it on open, please, and let’s take a closer look
Let’s peruse its substance like we’re reading a book
How did it start, with some outside motivation
Did you have to sit through an uncomfortable ablation
Is that what it took to kick some things into gear
Did someone start your engine, forcing you to steer
We need you to focus on your health for your Self
Without life, you won’t be able to accumulate any wealth
Focus on your needs, spirit, mind, and body
Be weary of showing up when you’re feeling extra haughty
Keep your poise and balance, don’t let others pull you away
You may need to find a place to stay ‘til you’re okay
And yes your demands may vary from others in your group
It’s okay if they don’t wanna sit around and hang out in your coop
The goal is to learn how to meet all of your own needs
To take care of the things on which your mind, body, and spirit feed
You’re getting there slowly, more things are making sense
You’re building something now with your hands, like a fence
One piece at a time, it won’t happen overnight
You’ll learn patience, and sitting, you might acquire real sight
Listen closely to me, my dear, you are a child of God
And no one on this earth should be able to convince you that you are not
And if they actually try to, please just turn your head
They may not be able to tell but their insides may be a bit dead
Not in the literal sense, it’s more about a lack of deep feeling
Where they can’t tell it’s God’s joy and love that they’re actually stealing
Because their light may be dim, and they can’t see all of the effects
Of their meddling behaviors and the things that get caught up in their nets
But those things they’ll have to deal with, it definitely is not your job
To tell folks when they’re on base or even when they truly are not
Remember that GOD gives out gifts, He is the ultimate decider
He decides when to make you turn from a lover into a “fighter”-
for all of the greater good, you don’t need to be understood
Let others do the work of cleaning underneath their own hoods
The rain came today
it asked if it could stay
Most would send it away
but I was curious what it would say
“I came to wash away
and to let the children play”
And much to my dismay
the rain would have its way
It’s God’s divine creation
from the master command station
Don’t fall for an abbreviation
He will notice your hesitation
Don’t play with divination
it’s not in the presentation
You’ll survive your indignation
pay attention to representation
Thank you for saying what’s real
it makes it harder for others to steal
The passion in your zeal
it can make you seem surreal
But that’s not all of the appeal
you keep two eyes on your rear
You shouldn’t have to watch for deer,
though with time you’ve learned to steer
Thank you for being you
but work on the need to subdue
There’s a lightness in your hue
and some old stuff to un-do
But if I really know you
I know that you’ll get through
There’s a strength in your truth
It started there in your youth
I need to tell you something, Love isn’t supposed to feel bad
I know it’s been confusing because of the types of the “Love” that you’ve had
Love is patient, Love is kind, it asks that you not be selfish
Love will still be there in the morning after you spent the night being hellish
Love is a paradox, it may throw you for a really big loop
Love might turn all your hardest of edges into the puddliest piles of goop
Just when you think Love doesn’t know you, you may be quite surprised
Love will wait patiently for you until you stop wanting to hide
Love is the answer, no matter the freaking question
Love will not get mad at you if (and when) you have to repeat the same lesson
Love can make you feel warm, but at times it could make you feel scared
Especially if you’ve associated pain or loss with the biggest of Loves that you’ve shared
So be patient with your Self, Love isn’t going any place soon
Love will sleep on the floor outside your door until you make some extra room
What a world we live in, it can seem a bit behind its own times
It’s something I’d like to talk normie about but it comes out better in rhymes
Mental health and substance use disorders are a very real thing
But it’s easy for us to get really scared when we haven’t had to fight in that ring
This is why it’s so very important that we have all the right representation
So that when we find ourselves in that space we can be sure to use the proper equation
Because without the proper equation, how can we arrive at the answer
We may be missing some pieces to our puzzle that help turn depressed to dancer
Just because you don’t understand it, and maybe never been in those shoes
Doesn’t mean you can’t try a bit harder to stop judging other people’s moves
Please let me see your abandonment wound
How far does it go, way back to the womb
Have you been tossed around like a Raggedy Ann
And have you ever found the the full strength to stand
Or does it always feel like you fall short at the line
When you go to seek, do you struggle to find
The next step in life, like its path is blank
Finding it hard to tell the difference between Adam and Frank
It all goes back to the opinions on-hand
Everyone seems to have devised their own plan
To my life’s next steps, it seems to be a lot
I love these people, so why do I feel distraught
Can I release this nagging and constant noise
Can I give the existing darkness its voice
And if I do, what will it say
Will it ask me to go or to stay
Can I let them be, the dark and the light
Or will I fall farther into feelings of contrite
Will I dig into my depths for the secret answer
Will I remember that darkness can also be a dancer
The shadow in life, its a part of the walk
But make sure that you watch your mouth when you talk
Especially when people show up to help
Just ignore when their heavy hands leave welts
It’s not personal, it’s just that they can see your pain
And they want you to experience all of life’s gains
Not all will speak your language, and that’s okay
Just watch for the ones who are CONSISTENT and STAY
Ignore ALL of the ones who make fun of you
The ones who think trauma-triggering is cute
Don’t be apologetic when your insides are screaming
Be extra careful when you start to think of teaming-
Up with folks who have “your” best interest at heart
Who draw the line down and point with certainty at Start
Only you can know, but please keep yourself open
The Light creeps in right where you think you are broken
Reach me down my Tycho Brahe,—I would know him when we meet,
When I share my later science, sitting humbly at his feet;
He may know the law of all things, yet be ignorant of how
We are working to completion, working on from then till now.
Pray, remember, that I leave you all my theory complete,
Lacking only certain data, for your adding as is meet;
And remember, men will scorn it, ’tis original and true,
And the obloquy of newness may fall bitterly on you.
But, my pupil, as my pupil you have learnt the worth of scorn;
You have laughed with me at pity, we have joyed to be forlorn;
What, for us, are all distractions of men’s fellowship and smiles?
What, for us, the goddess Pleasure, with her meretricious wiles?
You may tell that German college that their honour comes too late.
But they must not waste repentance on the grizzly savant’s fate;
Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.
What, my boy, you are not weeping? You should save your eyes for sight;
You will need them, mine observer, yet for many another night.
I leave none but you, my pupil, unto whom my plans are known.
You “have none but me,” you murmur, and I “leave you quite alone”?
Well then, kiss me,—since my mother left her blessing on my brow,
There has been a something wanting in my nature until now;
I can dimly comprehend it,—that I might have been more kind,
Might have cherished you more wisely, as the one I leave behind.
I “have never failed in kindness”? No, we lived too high for strife,—
Calmest coldness was the error which has crept into our life;
But your spirit is untainted, I can dedicate you still
To the service of our science: you will further it? you will!
There are certain calculations I should like to make with you,
To be sure that your deductions will be logical and true;
And remember, “Patience, Patience,” is the watchword of a sage,
Not to-day nor yet to-morrow can complete a perfect age.
I have sworn, like Tycho Brahe, that a greater man may reap;
But if none should do my reaping, ’twill disturb me in my sleep.
So be careful and be faithful, though, like me, you leave no name;
See, my boy, that nothing turn you to the mere pursuit of fame.
I must say Good-bye, my pupil, for I cannot longer speak;
Draw the curtain back for Venus, ere my vision grows too weak:
It is strange the pearly planet should look red as fiery Mars,—
God will mercifully guide me on my way amongst the stars.
I want to tell you a story about a quiet, precious, little girl
Who spent most of her time in her room where she liked to spin and twirl
In her room was her own place where the world made a lot of sense
But once she stepped outside that door she had to put on an armored defense
Because once outside those walls, she could never be quite sure
She didn’t know which way to go and so some of the time she got lured
The scary thing about this case is she couldn’t always tell up from down
At age 11 she fell in a frozen lake, almost sure that she was going to drown
So now that she’s grown up, it seems not much has changed
Those old patterns and feelings, they seem to be ingrained
Home is the place where she feels that she can be her safest self
The hardest part, it seems to be, is just taking care of her health
Her body, her emotions, and even things with others
Most days life feels much to bear, she’d rather stay under the covers
But the saying on the streets, is that God gave her a gift
But He made sure it didn’t work until she made some big things shift
He had to see if she could hold all the things that she really wanted
Or if she could even choose those things if life presented her with an audit
It has been such a heart-wrenching trip, but please remember your strength
God put you on this bumpy road so you could endure and go great lengths
Please use your life as your testimony to change the way people think
Have you seen my littlest spirit, I lost just a little piece
She didn’t even ask me before she decided to release
I think she got a little confused, or maybe just unsure
Or maybe she met more in life than she felt she could endure
But now I’m ready to find her, because I haven’t felt quite whole
I’ve acted in ways I’m not proud of, I almost even stole
I’ve tried to fill her empty space with every possible thing
With all the things in this life, and even with things in dreams
But none of it has felt quite right as when she was here with me
Since she left, I’ll tell you what, I haven’t felt as real as real can be
So I’m going to make a space, one special and just for her
So when she’s ready to return, she’ll know we can endure
She’ll know it because she’ll see the love that I’ve carefully applied
She’ll see I never let my memory of her willingly slip aside
I’ll wait as patiently as she needs and keep my door unlocked
I’ll welcome her with open arms, even if she opens it but doesn’t knock
I can’t rush her process, it’s really truly hers
‘Cause when I try to control it, it seems to make it worse
So patience is the real key here, and steady careful strides
When the coast feels clearer, she won’t feel like she needs to hide
It really is some tricky stuff, caring for our littlest parts
But when we make them feel real safe, they nuzzle softly into our hearts
I’m here on my knees, I’ve taken my last step
Will this be it…will I win that big bet
The one that I decided to place on my-self
To be responsible for my own well-being and health
To live in the light, and to walk in my truth
Have I lost what little I have left of my youth
It isn’t easy, or fun, and it won’t be a breeze
It won’t get easier, no matter how much you beg or you plead
Because when it got sewed it in, it was sewed very tight
You asked that it not be undone, even when you think, “but i’m right” !
This is the work, girl, it’s part of the deal
The work began when you decided you were going.to.heal!
You’re funny, and kind, and you’ve got a lot to give
You have a lot of your life left to act.u.ally live
Because you haven’t been living, no matter what you say
We’ve watched you hem and haw, you’ve rocked and you’ve swayed
But you’re getting there (slowly) more things are making sense
You’re more open to the world’s insights and beautiful hints
But you’ve gotta stop the hammering on your sensitive soul
There are some things – well most things – where you’re not in control
You will know what’s best for you, you precious little doll
Bet you didn’t see the way up when you took that big fall
Its view is getting clearer, you can almost see the next step
Encourage yourself, every single chance that you get
Listen up please, we need to talk about avoidance
And don’t even try t’give me that look, ‘cause I know it’s of annoyance
Looking directly at “the stuff” is how it loses its grip
PULL IT UP to your eye-level so that it won’t make you trip
You’ll want to free your pathway from any scattered junk
So when you walk and move around you don’t move with extra funk
Avoidance is a tricky one, ‘cause you know it’s just right there
But you’ll do absolutely whatever it takes to keep from having to share
Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve?
Perhaps we’re afraid to make the assessment we know is well-deserved
Yes, of course that’s it, it’s really very simple
We’re afraid if we get real honest about our pain that it might actually triple !
But we can’t, we must, we have to move along
This crap we’ve stuffed way deep down is drowning out our song
And our song is THE THING that we’re meant to share with the world
God took our voice and who we are and with both in-hand he twirled
Can you even imagine, God dancing just to make you?
Then imagine how He’d feel if you didn’t do what He made you to do…
Well don’t, we won’t, it’s really not an option
And if you wish to go that way I’d say err on the side of caution
Lean into your Self, lean into your Spirit, and please don’t be afraid
Keep moving along your chosen path and one day you’ll “have it made”
Have you ever been in that very strange place
Where someone asks you to please run at their pace
Where you were told how to act and how to behave
Told how to eat your food and which ones not to crave
It’s such a weird space that we occupy here
Where machines are built [this] way and for [so many] years
Some won’t want you original, a threat to their norm
When you say “this is it,” it may stir up a storm
All over another’s idea of how I should speak my truth
Well, you must not’ve heard about the history of ab.use
You see, its roots are responsible for tendering this fire
Fueled by grit, strength, and a depth of desire
To prepare myself enough to guide the ones who come
Like, what if they show up asking me, “what can be done?” !!!!
Because my answers won’t come from that lost inner kid
Who just said what they were told and did what others did
It’ll come from this adult who carefully constructed a foundation
With God, the right tools, and people-filled love stations
The things that charge and guide me when my light starts to dim
When the path turns dark and the window of sight becomes slim
Because when those storms come, I want my house to be ready
I don’t want to flood with fear and then question if it’s steady
I want to stand on tended ground with a confidence within
That will hold firm when the storms come bringing the winds
When the forecast is changing and its predictions are grim
It’ll be the place that we find ourselves after life fills with Him
If there’s one thing that I know, He weathers those storms
He’s got this super duper, invisible, magical platform
That underlies all that we do if we just follow His ways
You’ll be able to see the light even when the skies appear grey
And it won’t be perfect, don’t forget, that’s already been covered
He gave His own life so that we don’t have to suffer !!!
Can you even believe it!?? It actually really does take quite a while
But you’ve made it through in your own, individual, and unique kind of style 😝
Let me tell you some things about the ones who will and have raised you
They’re not always the ones who’ll constantly sit back and appraise you
They’ll notice when things aren’t quite feeling as if they’re all balanced out
They’ll pick up on your stirring feelings of confusion and doubt
And know that they may not always resc’you, that’s not evidence of true love
You can get that devotion from the Big Guy upstairs ‘n’ those above
Human love is sometimes soft, but it can also feel really hard
You’ll face challenges and ask yourself what you should keep or discard
But don’t forget that your God will never make any mistakes
He adds things to your life, but sometimes he takes
And taking may mean change, so don’t get so overwhelmed
Have Faith in the One who guides you and heads-up your helm
Some things have to die in order for new things to grow
Open your heart and your mind to the circus that’s God’s nature’s show
You can view it with gratitude, or let things pass you by
But your soul knows the way and how high it wants to fly
Your heart will tell you which ones to hold onto or release
But FYI, your Love’ll knock down walls until your body is deceased
Gently Dear, gently, be careful how and where you tread
Don’t go and mess it up after you just finished making your bed
Not unless there was an error made somewhere along the way
Unless you put on the sheets on wrong and they simply refused to stay
But if that’s not the case, please just try to get some rest
Know that gently in life is funnily, actually, how we become our best
And what I mean by gently, is really just taking it easy
Especially when your bed shakes and you start to feel real queasy
Lay still in your faith and remember that the lesson is just to be
You’ve done your dirty laundry and this path will further set you free
Let me tell you about my God, He’s the God of second chances
You thought He turned his back on you but you missed His steady glances
As soon as you walked in, you immediately caught His eye
He never would’ve let you just unnoticeably pass Him by
But it’s not always that easy, He has some expectations
So don’t go ‘round shouting yet with pure joy and elation
There may just be some things that he also wants from you
Did you think you could get by unscathed just by doing what you do
See the God of second chances, is also one of fairness
Right when you think you’re covered-up you’ll recognize your bareness
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake
A different type of Santa Claus who knows your special fate
But just because you’re given a map doesn’t depict which way you’ll trek
You may find yourself off the beaten-path and fearing for your neck
Because remember when He made you, it was in His very own image
So you’re not Him, you are your own, with your very own gifts and limits
Please keep these things in mind as you try to find your way
Be sure to use your gifts and discernment when confusion comes into play
But don’t get so overwhelmed that you forget about the start
The One who put you all together, including your big heart
It’s clear that it’s a tricky thing, so please work on being patient
We promise you’ll advance along before you become “ancient”
Just don’t get so caught up on being the one who’s always “right”
You’ll find yourself in one big pickle or in frequent fights
Humility and serenity will be found on your future journey
But it won’t be handed to you, you’re going to have to earn it
So open your eyes and pick your head up, put one foot in front of the other
Pay attention to yourself and when.you.can, your “brothers”
Have you ever heard of the schoolyard game, double dutch?
It’s a game of jumping ropes but it can get pretty clutch
Because instead of just one rope, they actually swing two (!)
So it’ll take concentration and practice to show what you can do
Once the ropes start turning, it’ll be close to your time
You’ll have to connect with its dual rhythm and its rhyme
Patience and focus will be imperative to your success
Instead of just one rope, you’ll jump two to prove your best
This could go a couple ways, you could worry about your balance
Or you could pump yourself up for a special kind of challenge! 💪🏼
And if you think there’s been a mistake, well, please check your name for “God”
His mystery’s far too complex for us, it’s simply far too broad
So when your turn comes, please make sure that you are ready
Breath deep, anticipate, and keeeep it real steady
Then explode 💥 into the thick blur of spinning cords
Use your gut instincts, even when your brain and your eyes seem unsure
Because once you get the hang of it, you’ll merge with them like one
With the cords and the ropes around your Being being spun
You’ll learn to question the great fear that preceded this fun
And when it’s all over, you’ll take rest ‘n’ the rest will come undone
You will think this task is over but your training’s just begun
Have you ever heard of a thing out there called keeping the status quo?
Making things appear to all those near that everything’s entire(ly) UNDER-control
Well I’ll tell you now, it’s a bag of dicks ‘n’ tricks, often of the worst kind
Just to stare at the turmoiled state of affairs while exclaiming! 🔥 oh, but I’m blind 😎
One may even consider sacrificing their integrity just to keep from “rocking the boat”
We may do anything it takes to keep everything nice, to keep things in-tact and afloat
We may have to ask, “please hold this wheel, or it might take a big-ass turn”
Driven by all of our fears and all the anxieties that started to swarm and churn
“Hold on tight. We might lose our balance, someone could fall over-board”
So most of the people began grabbing and clinging, a visceral, unique type of hoard
But did anyone pay any attention to the shy little girl that clearly seems to be
A quiet passenger on the boat, but that also appears lost at sea
She’s sitting on the edge, holding on tightly to the spotless and cold railing
She says to the others, weathered in covers, I’d rather have a boat that goes sailing
Because at least on that boat, it’s true to itself, and to the powers that BE
When Mother Nature takes hold, passengers get bold, and finally I experience “me”
Because she’s not just the girl that stands on the world to feel concrete under her feet
She’d rather set sail on an adventure that entails some experiences she defines neat
It may not be popular, it may not be pretty, but at least it won’t end in defeat
She’ll keep sailing along, singing her songs, focusing on her true needs
This is how it happens, Dear, just little by little
Because God knows you truly, deeply and all the places you’re still brittle
But He also knows your strengths, so don’t think that He doesn’t care
When around a certain issue He flings you up into the air
Maybe that’s the test you’re given, to see if you can fly
Or if on your way tumbling down you simply wave at passers by
This is the price we pay for being one of His beloved
Some days we rise ‘n’ shine and other days we may feel rugged
But no matter what happens, I beg you, please do not forget
To take your sense of humor along, to bring your love and wit
‘Cause these subjects are really heavy, and not only just for you
Think about all the others – you know, your family and your crew
We’re all fighting our battles inside in one way or another
And isn’t it cool that to ease our load we can (at times) lean on each other
You’re becoming aware of just how much others have pulled some of your weight
Don’t over-criticize yourself quite yet, it’s had to do with your lowly state
You’ve come to learn there are 3 different ways that the enemy can creep-in
Generational curses, harm done to you, and your own individual sin
The best news about all of this is that everything is getting clearer
You’ve unloaded a lot, you’ve done the work, you can finally look in the mirror !
You’re getting close to having the strength to help OTHERS carry THEIR loads
And on occasion you’ll be given the chance to listen and forebode
Pay attention to all of the messages that you’ve been gifted to receive
Keep your focus on your goals and continue to build strength in what you believe
How will you know if you’re being asked to level-up?
I’m not sure you can prepare for it, it’s gonna seem abrupt
You may feel lost and confused, abandoned and afraid
You’ll do anything to survive… you’ll do whatever it takes
But that is the old you, the one you’re starting to heal
And while it may look ugly at first, it’s a really big deal!!
Your awareness of your patterns is how they start to shift
Awareness will fall upon you, it may even cause some riffs
But now it won’t be the same as it’s been in the past
The lies that you told yourself, well, they just won’t last !!
Your ultimate truth is starting to come up for air
To help pull you out of your deep pit of despair
You can have all of your feelings, thoughts, and emotions
Just don’t create – when you can control it – unnecessary commotion
Especially not with others, you must stay in your lane
You know it’s not their fault when you’re “going in-sane”
And if they do in fact contribute to the pain that you feel
Create distance, don’t sweat it, just keep keeping it real
Find your center, use your sight, and be very clear
But be willing to examine all angles and how each one appears
Parts will remind you of the Big Book’s step four and step five-
Your gears will shift from reverse, to neutral, to drive
You understand now that virtue exists in your mind
Don’t look at what you’re doing then exclaim, “but, I’m blind” !
Now you have some knowledge, some tools, and some of your peeps
Don’t be afraid to join your crew, your people, the freaks!
Now this part’s really hard, you’ll have to be brutally honest
But these are the times — heavy times are upon us!
So you must purge, let it go, please lighten your load
Don’t let any-one push you to the point you explode
Learn to keep your cool and focus on the task at-hand
The ones labeled yours, that are YOURS to command
And let others have theirs, they have their journeys, too
It’s not always your work, it’s not always about you!!
Oh and here’s one thing you’ll really have to start to absorb
Put it on repeat: your actions speak louder than your words!!
You’re doing great, a little wobbly, but you are gaining ground
Don’t forget to enjoy, don’t forget to pause and look around
Baby steps is how you get there and you’re doing just fine
Keep your eye on the prize, next let’s focus on the mind
What do you say when you can’t find the words
When their selection might determine what ends up being heard
Sometimes I have thoughts, and other times I’m blank
And sometimes it gets jumbled all together if I’m frank
As I started coming into a deeper awareness
I started thinking about things, like duality and fairness…
Or what makes me me, and what makes you you…
When you’re not sure about life, what do you do
Do you stay where you are and ask lots of questions
When life drags you around, do you seek out the lessons
Do you pick yourself up at every which turn
From all of your experiences, do you try to learn
Because life will give you moments that were made just for you
Opportunities and trials for you to work through
Don’t see them all as just big bumps in the road
Get out your tools and start trying to de-code
You’ll know that you were meant to be where you are
Because God put you underneath that sky and those stars!
And if you get scared, just know that it will eventually get better
Pray, go easy, and don’t apply too much pressure
But also know when to give yourself timeout
Watch for any stirrings of confusion or doubt
Don’t hurt the people who are extra sensitive and sweet
The ones who you think are super real and pretty neat
The people who came into your life solely to enhance
Don’t abuse, confuse, or fall into a trance
Be honest with yourself and always wear your authenticity
If things get overwhelming shift to genuine simplicity
Keep your intentions pure and if you find there’s been an intrusion
Love yourself hard, purge the feelings, it might be in seclusion
See, energies will creep in so you have to pay close attention
It’s an art to work it down, it’s a WAR OF ATTRITION
Thank you for your part, it sure as shit hasn’t been easy
But with all of this practice, it’ll become easy-breezy
We call this, “conditioning,” you should be very familiar
But this time, darling, you’ve been given the chance to reconfigure
Your innards, your wiring, and what is written in your heart
What you didn’t know when it was being mauled and torn apart
Was that you would be the one who gets to put it back together
And with the team that you picked, life will just keep getting better and fucking better!!
I spent most of my life having faith in all of them
Most of them I considered trusted family or friends
Were their intentions good, did they have a firm grasp
Of the ideas they projected upon which I clasped
Or did I get confused when others tried to impress
Their ideas onto me if their minds were hard-set
Well now I’ve arrived at the part where I begin
I’ll no longer allow my head to fall or to spin
I can listen to their words but still make up my mind
About who I am, it’s not by them I’m defined
So as I keep going, I will do what I need
I’ll keep the ones close who’ll help me succeed
In understanding my Self, my morals and values
Please present your steady attention, shall you?
I believe that everything here happens for a reason
That people are there for a lifetime, a reason, or a season
That when we feel doubt, we need to amp up our faith
And remember that in His eyes we’re not a disgrace
There may be some heavy things that come up for air
They need lots of love, we can’t fall into despair
We trust that if we’re suffering we must’ve been gifted
With this task of healing, we’ve never really drifted
Far from the places that we must stand tall
Always ready for a serve, a spike, and a fall
For all of us here these paths have been chosen
And any pot in which we’re planted we must grow in
It could be weeks or years, maybe even decades
We can survive mental health, break-ups, and plagues
The trick is to believe that anything is possible
Yes we could focus instead on the probable
But life is guaranteed to throw you some curves
You’ll try to jump, to dodge and then swerve
But most of the big stuff, it was written in the stars
So no matter where you go be sure to stand for who You Are
You were flung up real high and then taken down low
A serious breakthrough occurred, don’t you know
You felt it in your body, it shot up and down your spine
Intense shaking and sweating, you started to unwind
The energy was overwhelming, as it can often be
But when you came out of it found that you could clearly see
There was no more uneasiness, no more masking heavy doubt
You suddenly knew what you needed and couldn’t live without
What you’ve come to see is that it’s all part of the plan
God had to take you up and down to teach you how to stand
I know it can be very scary, you saw an awful lot of things
But please reflect on how much clarity those sights and images bring
There was a little baby, wrapped quietly on a table
In front of a window with a cross, the sight appeared quite stable
But what you didn’t know is what the image helps portray
A symbol of the One who knows you and who always stays
So even when you think you’re alone and that no one really cares
Remember the love of the One who made you never can compare
So pick your head up, open your eyes, and continue seeing clearly
There’s a ways to go in this life, so tread light and hold it dearly
How do you look at things, from which angles
Do you hold them real close then up high so they can dangle
Do you look from far away, then turn them upside down
Do you stand on top and then spin them around
I’d like to share with you about something called perspective
It might require that you pause and get a bit reflective
It’s all about how you choose to look at every thing
How you perceive the good and the bad that things bring
For example, when you begin looking at a loss
You might be examining what you paid, as in cost
But what you might be missing is cost as in investment
Which can be hard to see, especially if you were an adolescent
You might’ve lost a lot, you might’ve really strained
But you’ve gained so much more that your vision must change
Practice framing your stories in a positive light
Don’t only focus on their elevation, your plight
Especially not the ones you try to kill yourself for
It takes them too, sometimes you can do nothing more
Adopt the understanding that you can’t win them all
Sometimes you’ll stand, other times you’ll fall
What’s so important is that you just keep on going
Even if it’s not clear, all of the “knowing”
What’s taken place, it was written in the stars
From your fated place, you’ve never strayed far
You get what is needed: people, places, and things
When it feels really good, and even when it stings
So don’t forget to reconsider when you start to reflect
Just when you think you know, double-check
‘Cause there’s a holiness in all things, even the pain
You might see a loss when there’s also a gain
So keep on practicing, it’s a very important lesson
Once you get going, we’ll move onto the next one
No one can save you, you have to save your self
You have to fix your life, your perspectives, your health
If you don’t, unfortunately, neither can “they”
No matter who comes, who goes, or who stays
See this is adulthood… it can really be hard
You’ll wade through your karma, your past, its shards
You’ll blame other people, then look in the mirror
Your sight, if you work at it, will keep getting clearer
You’ll see them and they, she and then he
Then one day you’ll wake up and be shocked to see “me”
Now this is the part where you’ll want to give up
Because some of your decisions, when examined, they’re rough
You’ve been selfish and self-centered, you’ve blamed and shamed
You’ve labeled others’ demons, you’ve called them names
This started in childhood, when the chaos was rampant
You didn’t know when it was coming ‘cause you didn’t plan it
When the big people flailed, you had to learn to tell
Will this end in glory, or will I wind up in hell
Do I need to play it soft, sweet, and kind
Or do I need to “put up my dukes” and defend from a bind
But I’ll tell you something sweet, much sweeter than this
Life will give you good stuff you won’t want to miss
You’ll find love and friends, adopted sibs and parents
You’ll go on trips, tours…fulfill God-given errands
And yours are for you, so please don’t compare
We’re all of God’s children, special and rare
Stay present for your life, its gifts and struggles
When a fight comes up, show ‘em your knuckles
But when it gives you beauty, try to just rest
You can be totally relaxed and still be your best
As a matter of fact, God wants you to know
You’ve gotta take a break from lugging baggage in-tow
Thank you for deciding to try to be responsible
Just wait until you see what it can all make possible
I’m sorry that I don’t know how to let go
It’s like the answers are in front of me, but I don’t want to know
It’s easier to pretend that something is when it isn’t
Wipe your eyes child, I thought you had 20/20 vision ?
….See, YOU(R) awareness is attached to YOU(R) experience…
And yes, about it, you tend to be very serious
But you have to remind yourself where YOU-ARE
And you can’t forget, others from afar
It takes consideration, and yes this is new
And you’ll have to work at lessening the amount you subdue
Your feelings and experiences, they’re all part of it
And we already know, “fine, [you’ll] face but not love it” 🙄
You see, life is all about walking the walk
If at any point, your mouth is going to open to talk
Don’t be about all of the smoke and mirrors
Step into your experiences and look a bit clearer
Every place you find yourself, that’s where you are
And you know your God, so don’t ever think you are far
From the intended location of your current presence
Think in symbols, and the the fear will start to lessen
Thank God for each day that you have on this earth
Even when it feels like you’re dying (often and) slowly by bursts 🔥
There’s a flow to life, the way that it goes
The way it moves, shakes, rattles and rolls
It’ll bring you to your best, and show you your worst
It’ll make you come in last, then put you in first
You’ll think that you know, and maybe you do
But let time pass, live life all the way through
There’s a cycle to existence that never really stops
It’s still moving, even when out bodies drop
But what you’ll come to find as the clock hands tick
Is that your team, they’re the ones that YOU and God picked
Sometimes that’ll be him, or her, or them
Other times, on your own self and God you’ll depend
But please don’t give up as folks enter your world
The next decades you’ll find your self being hurled
Into the lives for which you’ve got to fight tooth and nail
Sometimes you’ll feel weak and other times pale
But the body can withstand more than you know
Don’t let its deceptions cause delay on life’s show
Step into the light and claim your rightful stake
You know the path, the way, and your fate
Wade through the muck, please do what you need
This honest, hard work’s very necessary to succeed
If you don’t unravel your personal confliction
It’ll be hard to overcome your powerful addiction
See you went from repress, to suppress, to escape
Because you discovered it’s easier to manipulate the physical along the way
To wrestle the mind can really be draining
Especially if at work you spend a lot of time straining
Balance is a thing upon which the universe relies
Be friends with your mind, it’s nothing to despise
It works hard and fast, to take care of you
Looking for “reasons” so that it can subdue
These feelings in your body that want to come out
It’s yearning for you to allow it to scream and to shout
Don’t trap them inside, that game’s getting old
Opportunities are arising but your plate’s getting cold
Feed yourself from the deep pit of your stomach
Its outside’s not flat, but learn how to love it
Parent your child, who needs you to be
As honest as you never even thought you could be
Trust your guides, yourself, and your learned knowledge
Hurry up and get through the necessary college
Your calling is waiting for you to catch up
And please remind yourself daily, you’re enough
There’s a well of sadness residing deep within me
I buried it long ago so that no one else could see
The pain that I feel, it’s too much to bear
If the floodgates were opened you’d stop to stare
Where do you start when you feel you’re at the end
Of your wits, your strength, and your ability to tend
To your needs, the hurt, and the pit of despair
Take your hands off your throat and please come up for air
This life isn’t a race, all you really have is now
Let the tears fall from your eyes and the sweat from your brow
Don’t run from the pain, the secret’s in the depth
And you know what they say, even “Jesus wept.”
You’ll know when you’re ready to challenge your pain
It might be on the downslope of going insane
Or that’s what it feels like, a landslide of sorts
Your mind will scramble and your body will contort
The process is something like being reborn
You’ll be filled with elation, then flooded with scorn
The light will be so bright you’ll feel you’re floating around
Then day turns to night and someone stuffs you in the ground
And nothing can ever really be predicted
Because none of the days feel the same when conflicted
You’ll be ready for the end if you can just turn the corner
But with every single turn comes a new set of orders
Challenging your pain is somewhere at the top
It means you’ve arrived at the place where it stops
Where the fear of something new has shrunken enough
Where the idea of stretching yourself doesn’t feel quite as tough
Where you know you need to go if you want to really see
How beautiful your gift of life can ultimately be
Tell me when you feel the weight of your Spirit
Or the sound that it makes, lean in so you can hear it
It’s with your human self that you’ll have to assess
It’s in your body that you’ll ultimately have to acquiesce
You can’t gauge the infinite in a limited being
It’s not with your eyes that you do all your seeing
You’re both, can’t you see, it’s why you get confused
Your humanity gets in the way and senses get misused
You play roles in waking life and then doze off to sleep
Then you fall into your dreams equally as deep
You’re just as there as you are when you’re awake
You have equal amounts invested and at stake
In your conscious and subconscious, they both play a role
When you try to make sense of them you fall into a hole
Of your thoughts that never really seem to slow down
If each were a drop of water you’d surely have drowned
I know you get tired of the pulling confliction
It’s being stuck in the middle that feeds your addiction
To staying in the dark where it’s hard to clearly see
Where tears pour from your eyes and your heart bleeds
Stay soft, little girl, ‘cause the battle sure ain’t over
Lean in close and get to know your inner warrior
It feels like it must’ve been just yesterday
That I was running inside after a long day of play
Only to be met by a reality that hurt
I should’ve just stayed outside in the dirt
Because at least Mother Nature would hold me dearly
Her devotion and love I could always feel clearly
But home was riddled with chaos and confusion
Most of the time, reality was an illusion
It’s where my core wound began to set in
Where so many days the tie went to him
Where I stood outside her door that was locked
And with tears in my eyes, softly I knocked
The silence that followed would usually be met
With a desire, a hope, and a prayer to forget
The deafening sound of not being chosen
No wonder I became so numb and so frozen
But I know why it all had to happen that way
And why most of the people who come don’t stay
To teach me how to start choosing myself
To start to prioritize my heart’s value and health
To make sure that I’m ok no matter where I am
And when I’m weak to learn to take my own hand
It still isn’t easy, this lesson I’m learning
Opportunities arise and I feel all the churning
Of emotions that got trapped 20+ years ago
The ones that block any rationality I know
But I’ve learned over time to find a quiet space
Where I can go back to that dark and heavy place
To show my little girl she’s not trapped anymore
To pick up her devastation and show it to the door
The days are getting fewer and farther between
You’ve accomplished so much more than it seems
Keep on going, and please don’t ever question
When people show up to teach you life’s greatest lessons
Have you ever really wanted to change
To expand and shift your previous range
Of understanding, emotions, and relationships-
You’ll blow-up your perception, it’ll explode into bits
To face a dilemma that’s never really shifted
Please return from the place to which you unknowingly drifted
Be ready to open your mind to the truth
At first you may feel subjected to what they call “fake news”
Because realities feel firm, it can seem we’re defined
By the present situation presenting in our minds
But the truth is, you really have the will to choose
You don’t have to walk around wearing that artificial noose
If you jump into your skin, you’ll ultimately find
You aren’t really the sum of the workings of your mind
At least not thus far, but it’s getting stronger
Your consciousness is waking up, it can’t sleep any longer
So tell your animalistic, wired-wrong amygdala
It no longer has to feel ruled by the Emperor, Caligula
You’ll see when you get there, as you usually do
But we appreciate you paying close attention to the clues
Keep your hopes high, and your courage ever-steady
Everything comes to you in perfect timing: when you’re ready
I wish you would please tell me, what ever is the trick
To figure out the messages and to make them stick
I’m not talking about the black stuff that my feet get stuck in
And not the place I put my head every time it starts to spin
Where’s the assurance of what really is the Truth
And where’s the confirmation that there’s really any use
To always being the one who’s trying to figure it all out
Everyone else just seems to want to scream and shout
But don’t we all deserve it, to get to stand in our Light
And to lower our fists when it comes to the knock-down drag-out fights
What if we maybe tried using some of our words
And what if that way we actually ended up being heard
By just being honest about what’s truly on our hearts
And trust me, I get it, that’s the hardest fucking part
Because if you’re anything like me, you’re not always very clear
About which thoughts and feelings to share as they appear
Is this one old? Is this one True? Or is it the same old lie?
My mind tends to make things up which leads to my demise
Life is funny, and I’m not sure it’ll ever really be solved
What seems to happen is that we just continue to evolve
Watch what you say but don’t say what you watch
Not everything you think qualifies as thoughts
Sometimes they’re words swirling around in your head
Other times they’re daggers and then someone’s dead
Here we go, time to take a huge leap of faith
I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be a disgrace
To this path of healing that I willingly jumped on
When suddenly in the dark I got a glimpse of the dawn
Family of origin, we’ll be spending some time
So fucking rare it inspired these rhymes
It’s been over a decade, maybe even two
Of being trapped in the memories of all the abuse
In the younger years when it seemed like everyone was fighting
Back when I still knew how to purge with my writing
But we’re all growing up in our own little ways
Maybe these are the new-found lighter kind of days
Of laughter, joy, and everything else
We don’t have to accept the hand we thought we’d been dealt
It’s uncomfortable as hell but it’s cool to sit back and see
What we’re all going through and who we’re turning out to be
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably similar to
Childhood for us, which we all quickly outgrew
So a regression of sorts to when our hearts were open
I can see the healing in what felt irreparably broken
The journey isn’t over, I think it goes on forever
At least in this life, maybe an infinite endeavor
But I chose them, and they chose me
So we might as well work together to help each other see
The beauty of living with our hearts open wide
It ain’t easy but we can take it all in stride
We’ll hold hands, breathe deep, and take a leap together
Because some of these souls I’ve chosen forever
My soul people they are, so I suppose I’ll do
Everything I can, I’ll keep following the clues
From my guides, my God, and all of those willing
To help us on this rocky path towards forgiving
Ourselves and the ones we feel we’ve been harmed by
It may not always look like it, but every day I try
To give all the energy that I can muster up
I must say some days it doesn’t feel like enough
But along the way, I’ve learned how to be kind
To myself and others, no more navigating blind
Those days are over, time to face the light
Even on the days when it seems too goddamn bright
It’s okay to accept the love into our hearts
It’s from somewhere that we all have to pick a place start
Thank you for this process, it sure hasn’t been easy
It’s turned me into all sorts of different kinds of cheesy
Towards the people I meet as I continue to move on
And as I learn to accept the darkness with the dawn
Thank you for this life, it’s so beautiful and messy
What a gift to receive all these magical blessings
I’ll keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other
In my world that no longer requires an armor to cover-
Up who I am and who I really want to be
Which is a choice, and I choose, I think I’d rather be free
I feel as if I’m floating in a womb
Before now, honestly, it felt like a tomb
And maybe it was, I can’t be sure
I think both are rebirth and equally as pure
I am ready to be born and done with all of that
Small thinking and the internal tit for tat
So much work, it seems all I do is grind
I wonder if I will ever really come to find
My purpose here in the work that I do
To my current state I feel stuck like glue
What am I waiting for and when will it come?
In the meantime maybe I’ll come undone
Perhaps that’s the purpose, a slow death of the old
Maybe you have to experience some kind of chokehold
Before you’ll give up and scream Uncle in this chapter
Right when it turns into an utter disaster
Because healing and change don’t always feel good
They challenge everything that’s under the hood
Of our Selves, our hearts, and all of our beliefs
Sometimes it takes years, other times it’s brief
What a strange feeling of death and birth
I can honestly say that it feels like a first
But I think it’s because I was focused on the end
The thought of new beginnings blew away with the wind
The darkness used to come and go much more quickly
But this year it turned into weeks and months of sick me
Maybe now it’s time that I get a small glimpse
Beyond the heavy muck and everything dense
I welcome the light when it’s ready to be
Something I deserve and am prepared to see
I get little sparks of hope, I find comfort in my people
I found I can pray on my knees without a steeple
It’s a constant thing that I try to do
Communicate with those who are willing to come through
With a message for me, from this plane or another
That give me signs of the things that are yet to be uncovered
Thank you for the gifts of my family’s healing
Sometimes it still feels like a dream and my mind’s reeling
I’m ready to be done with this old conditioned wiring
I need to break through and feel something inspiring
I can and I will, it’s a matter of time
For now I’ll keep giving the old clock a wind
Everyday Awakenings 