prayer

My Story

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

If you never asked for my side or my story 

Your opinion will inevitably and ultimately bore me 

‘Cause it’s really all based on your biased conclusions 

Your small, little world is full of you-delusions, 

Preconceived notions and conditioned beliefs;

Skewed, traditional, and Southern motifs 

If you really wanted to know me you would’ve made the time

You would’ve put fort the effort to know what is mine 

You would’ve asked and listened, getting out of yourself 

But you never did try to learn what I felt 

So while I love you and care, this seems to be the end 

The only way to me is if you make yourself bend 

In a direction that you don’t tend to typically go-  

It’s a different path than the only one that you’ve known 

It takes a cracking open, especially of the mind 

It’s scary and unknown, you’re unsure what you’ll find 

But the paradox is that this brings a lot of freedom 

When you break free from the confinement of your everyday “me-dom” 

I hope you will decide to take that daring step 

To recognize you’re stuck, your soul craves new depth 

I’ll be right here praying, hoping you will

Take a step towards me, I’ll forever wait until

Do the Right Thing

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Do the right thing, use your True intentions; 

Be specific when deciding what kinds of things you’d like to mention.

Do you align, and do all of your parts seem to be in order?

Have you taken a look around in your personal, individual quarters-

Before you started dipping all of your hands in others’ arenas?

When you create, in your mind, do you also see hyenas?

Please reconsider, please take a look at your own dial,

Consider how you’ll act when and if presented in a court of trial.

Being Known

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Listen up my dear, it’s okay to be known 

It’s actually a really big sign that you’ve truly grown 

Accepting all the different parts of your wonder-ful self 

Learning how to be responsible for your own personal health 

It may not be very easy, but it sure beats the alternative 

Your head will screw on straight and you’ll be able to see whose turn it is 

Because it isn’t always yours, growing up means at times being self-less 

It means it all comes together and finally life feels a little less reckless 

You deserve to stand up tall, and give yourself a pat on the back 

You went right on through it, you stayed on your right track 

And now you’ll get to see some of the fruits of your difficult labor 

You’ve learned that your rock hard place exists with your personal Savior 

It’s such a beautiful walk, one we would never want to miss 

Now this life will not pass you by without getting to experience bliss 

Dreamy

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How dreamy that someone might dream of me 

And if you do, please tell me what it is that you see 

Am I a princess, a teacher, or a big scary stranger 

Do I make you feel safe or do I lead you to danger 

Are we up in the mountains or floating in the ocean 

Do we appear whole or irreparably broken 

Do we stray far from home or stay very close 

Do you find me appealing or am I quite gross 

What part of your dream is real and what part is fake 

Is it a fleeting thought or unquestionable fate 

Do you wake up in a panic or maybe a sweat 

Do you question the content, the players, or depth 

Or do you dream of unicorns, your family, your pets 

Do you dream of your future and your past regrets 

Or are your dreams so very off from including me 

By so much that I couldn’t quite possibly see 

That you were never even really dreaming at all 

And my thoughts got too big to see that they were small 

The truth is that I’m the one dreaming awake 

And I have to figure out what’s truly at stake 

Addict

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I’m finding it hard to get up off the ground 

You’d wonder why I stay lost to get found 

Too many things going on in my mind 

Covering my eyes to declare that I’m blind 

What will make you want to take that crucial turn 

To put out the icicles that continue to burn 

No sense is made in this place where you are 

You’ll look very close but appear very far 

It’s an endless glass from which you drink all your thoughts 

Don’t be deduced by it being labeled store-bought 

Let go of your pride, it’s a thorn in your side 

Until then it’s by It that you will have to abide 

Get cozy in your sludge and the icky-yucky mess 

Why do we keep on having to digress 

What is this anger that won’t move on through 

I want to slough on spirituality, smoke a joint and subdue 

Even when my mind’s off, I don’t feel very good 

Wishing that I won’t all whilst wishing that I could 

I’ll do myself a favor and admit it’s understood 

That there’s powerlessness underneath this old and painted hood 

Fellowship

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Even if God had said, “just you wait and you will see,” 

There’s still no freaking way that I would have ever believed 

That despite all of the pain, I’d find myself in this place 

With these beautiful people, in this wonderful space 

God says, “I had to bend you, but see, you didn’t break, 

All the things you thought you wanted, I simply had to take 

To give you all the things that I knew your spirit craved 

It’s your spirit that concerned me, it’s your spirit that I saved 

You see you have to grow, you have to spread your wings 

Although you may not realize it, I give you what you need 

But please do not forget, you have to do your part 

I’ll get your engine running but Dear you must cruise past Start 

There may be a few exceptions when your energy is low

I’ll kick things into gear when it’s clear you need a tow

I’ll give you all the signals and the signs that will say, 

‘Don’t travel down that road, please go the other way’ 

It may not be a short cut, it may be a windy path 

You may go through arid deserts before you see the plushy grass 

Please listen to your heart and keep your nervous system steady 

Because with every stretch of road I really need you to be ready 

To take a sharp turn here, to avoid the potholes there 

And when the weather’s bad you really have to steer with care 

And oh you’ll have some fellow travelers on your journey up ahead 

You may want to go alone but I made other plans instead 

You’ll get a few who help, who may even lighten your load 

You’ll get others struggling, with them you’ll be bestowed- 

The gift of being of service, of helping another out 

And although it may be hard at times, please don’t ever doubt 

The journey that you’re on and the lessons that you’ll learn 

It’s all so that your soul can grow, even when it burns 

I’m so proud of what you’ve done, so proud of where you are 

Take a look in the rear view mirror to see you’ve journeyed far”  

Abandonment Wound

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Please let me see your abandonment wound

How far does it go, way back to the womb

Have you been tossed around like a Raggedy Ann

And have you ever found the the full strength to stand

Or does it always feel like you fall short at the line

When you go to seek, do you struggle to find

The next step in life, like its path is blank

Finding it hard to tell the difference between Adam and Frank

It all goes back to the opinions on-hand

Everyone seems to have devised their own plan

To my life’s next steps, it seems to be a lot

I love these people, so why do I feel distraught

Can I release this nagging and constant noise

Can I give the existing darkness its voice

And if I do, what will it say

Will it ask me to go or to stay

Can I let them be, the dark and the light

Or will I fall farther into feelings of contrite

Will I dig into my depths for the secret answer

Will I remember that darkness can also be a dancer

The shadow in life, its a part of the walk

But make sure that you watch your mouth when you talk

Especially when people show up to help

Just ignore when their heavy hands leave welts

It’s not personal, it’s just that they can see your pain

And they want you to experience all of life’s gains

Not all will speak your language, and that’s okay

Just watch for the ones who are CONSISTENT and STAY

Ignore ALL of the ones who make fun of you

The ones who think trauma-triggering is cute

Don’t be apologetic when your insides are screaming

Be extra careful when you start to think of teaming-

Up with folks who have “your” best interest at heart

Who draw the line down and point with certainty at Start

Only you can know, but please keep yourself open

The Light creeps in right where you think you are broken

Breathe

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

You took me apart, but not right from the start

You began at my head, then you went for my heart

How can I breathe when you’re pushing but pulling

Is passive aggressiveness still considered bullying

Do the ends justify the means, or is it th’other way around ?

When you look at your thoughts, does your behavior confound…

the folks who are watching you and taking your pulse

Are they happy with the beat, or do they seem repulsed

And is it you, or is it them, or is it maybe just both

We’re all human, imperfect, and in some ways we’s gross

But don’t be afraid, please, to look your self in the mirror

Is what you see reflecting back on the better side of clearer?

Who fills you up? This world or your God?

Or have you finally learned that you need both, you sod

We love you but you’re strange, it’s been a really weird ride

But we’ve pushed all of that crap off and to the side

We’ve shown you the way, the truth, and the light

But you’ve learned your humanity can’t even fathom His bright

You will see the dark, it’ll become very apparent

And others may find that you’re now extremely declarant

Trust yourself, keep going, you’ve come very far

But be aware of your limits as you keep raising that bar

Make(s) Sens.ei ?

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I want to tell you a story about a quiet, precious, little girl

Who spent most of her time in her room where she liked to spin and twirl

In her room was her own place where the world made a lot of sense

But once she stepped outside that door she had to put on an armored defense

Because once outside those walls, she could never be quite sure

She didn’t know which way to go and so some of the time she got lured

The scary thing about this case is she couldn’t always tell up from down

At age 11 she fell in a frozen lake, almost sure that she was going to drown

So now that she’s grown up, it seems not much has changed

Those old patterns and feelings, they seem to be ingrained

Home is the place where she feels that she can be her safest self

The hardest part, it seems to be, is just taking care of her health

Her body, her emotions, and even things with others

Most days life feels much to bear, she’d rather stay under the covers

But the saying on the streets, is that God gave her a gift

But He made sure it didn’t work until she made some big things shift

He had to see if she could hold all the things that she really wanted

Or if she could even choose those things if life presented her with an audit

It has been such a heart-wrenching trip, but please remember your strength

God put you on this bumpy road so you could endure and go great lengths

Please use your life as your testimony to change the way people think

Broken Spirit

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Have you seen my littlest spirit, I lost just a little piece

She didn’t even ask me before she decided to release

I think she got a little confused, or maybe just unsure

Or maybe she met more in life than she felt she could endure

But now I’m ready to find her, because I haven’t felt quite whole

I’ve acted in ways I’m not proud of, I almost even stole

I’ve tried to fill her empty space with every possible thing

With all the things in this life, and even with things in dreams

But none of it has felt quite right as when she was here with me

Since she left, I’ll tell you what, I haven’t felt as real as real can be

So I’m going to make a space, one special and just for her

So when she’s ready to return, she’ll know we can endure

She’ll know it because she’ll see the love that I’ve carefully applied

She’ll see I never let my memory of her willingly slip aside

I’ll wait as patiently as she needs and keep my door unlocked

I’ll welcome her with open arms, even if she opens it but doesn’t knock

I can’t rush her process, it’s really truly hers

‘Cause when I try to control it, it seems to make it worse

So patience is the real key here, and steady careful strides

When the coast feels clearer, she won’t feel like she needs to hide

It really is some tricky stuff, caring for our littlest parts

But when we make them feel real safe, they nuzzle softly into our hearts

Sickness/Health

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I’m here on my knees, I’ve taken my last step

Will this be it…will I win that big bet

The one that I decided to place on my-self

To be responsible for my own well-being and health

To live in the light, and to walk in my truth

Have I lost what little I have left of my youth

It isn’t easy, or fun, and it won’t be a breeze

It won’t get easier, no matter how much you beg or you plead

Because when it got sewed it in, it was sewed very tight

You asked that it not be undone, even when you think, “but i’m right” !

This is the work, girl, it’s part of the deal

The work began when you decided you were going.to.heal!

You’re funny, and kind, and you’ve got a lot to give

You have a lot of your life left to act.u.ally live

Because you haven’t been living, no matter what you say

We’ve watched you hem and haw, you’ve rocked and you’ve swayed

But you’re getting there (slowly) more things are making sense

You’re more open to the world’s insights and beautiful hints

But you’ve gotta stop the hammering on your sensitive soul

There are some things – well most things – where you’re not in control

You will know what’s best for you, you precious little doll

Bet you didn’t see the way up when you took that big fall

Its view is getting clearer, you can almost see the next step

Encourage yourself, every single chance that you get

A-voi(D)ance

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Listen up please, we need to talk about avoidance

And don’t even try t’give me that look, ‘cause I know it’s of annoyance

Looking directly at “the stuff” is how it loses its grip

PULL IT UP to your eye-level so that it won’t make you trip

You’ll want to free your pathway from any scattered junk

So when you walk and move around you don’t move with extra funk

Avoidance is a tricky one, ‘cause you know it’s just right there

But you’ll do absolutely whatever it takes to keep from having to share

Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve?

Perhaps we’re afraid to make the assessment we know is well-deserved

Yes, of course that’s it, it’s really very simple

We’re afraid if we get real honest about our pain that it might actually triple !

But we can’t, we must, we have to move along

This crap we’ve stuffed way deep down is drowning out our song

And our song is THE THING that we’re meant to share with the world

God took our voice and who we are and with both in-hand he twirled

Can you even imagine, God dancing just to make you?

Then imagine how He’d feel if you didn’t do what He made you to do…

Well don’t, we won’t, it’s really not an option

And if you wish to go that way I’d say err on the side of caution

Lean into your Self, lean into your Spirit, and please don’t be afraid

Keep moving along your chosen path and one day you’ll “have it made”

Say what you mean.

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever been in that very strange place

Where someone asks you to please run at their pace

Where you were told how to act and how to behave

Told how to eat your food and which ones not to crave

It’s such a weird space that we occupy here

Where machines are built [this] way and for [so many] years

Some won’t want you original, a threat to their norm

When you say “this is it,” it may stir up a storm

All over another’s idea of how I should speak my truth

Well, you must not’ve heard about the history of ab.use

You see, its roots are responsible for tendering this fire

Fueled by grit, strength, and a depth of desire

To prepare myself enough to guide the ones who come

Like, what if they show up asking me, “what can be done?” !!!!

Because my answers won’t come from that lost inner kid

Who just said what they were told and did what others did

It’ll come from this adult who carefully constructed a foundation

With God, the right tools, and people-filled love stations

The things that charge and guide me when my light starts to dim

When the path turns dark and the window of sight becomes slim

Because when those storms come, I want my house to be ready

I don’t want to flood with fear and then question if it’s steady

I want to stand on tended ground with a confidence within

That will hold firm when the storms come bringing the winds

When the forecast is changing and its predictions are grim

It’ll be the place that we find ourselves after life fills with Him

If there’s one thing that I know, He weathers those storms

He’s got this super duper, invisible, magical platform

That underlies all that we do if we just follow His ways

You’ll be able to see the light even when the skies appear grey

And it won’t be perfect, don’t forget, that’s already been covered

He gave His own life so that we don’t have to suffer !!!

Can you even believe it!?? It actually really does take quite a while

But you’ve made it through in your own, individual, and unique kind of style 😝

Dismissive

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

How do you get when it hits you in the face

When someone decides they’re gonna try t’put you in your place

With words, a firm look, or by creating some space

Is it hard not to feel like you’ve suddenly been replaced

With an idea, a phrase, or a fresh set of eyes

Is it a view that you will accept or go on to despise

Will you take it in to settle and weigh its future lesson

Or will you let it push you to a state of surprise-yourself aggression

Well don’t dismiss it when you get a really hard shot to your gut

When a blow hits you hard and there’s nothing in it to rebut

Because it may knock you loose from the stand that you’re on

You may get to see, as an adult, the natural instinct to fawn

But challenge yourself and be okay with things moving around

Even if that movement is in the direction of down

From being too high where you can’t see all of the views

A perspective that might actually make you feel lighter and new

So use judgment, take time, think through every step

Because that approach hasn’t failed you, not quite, not yet

It’s important that you learn to sit at every level

Where you’ll feel torn and tattered, confused and disheveled

Because then you’ll get to see, there are different points of view

You can sit with these and those, all are parts of your crew

It’s humanity, you nut, but you’ve known all along

Don’t dismiss the tune, when sung, of someone else’s song

Raising LaBar

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Let me tell you some things about the ones who will and have raised you

They’re not always the ones who’ll constantly sit back and appraise you

They’ll notice when things aren’t quite feeling as if they’re all balanced out

They’ll pick up on your stirring feelings of confusion and doubt

And know that they may not always resc’you, that’s not evidence of true love

You can get that devotion from the Big Guy upstairs ‘n’ those above

Human love is sometimes soft, but it can also feel really hard

You’ll face challenges and ask yourself what you should keep or discard

But don’t forget that your God will never make any mistakes

He adds things to your life, but sometimes he takes

And taking may mean change, so don’t get so overwhelmed

Have Faith in the One who guides you and heads-up your helm

Some things have to die in order for new things to grow

Open your heart and your mind to the circus that’s God’s nature’s show

You can view it with gratitude, or let things pass you by

But your soul knows the way and how high it wants to fly

Your heart will tell you which ones to hold onto or release

But FYI, your Love’ll knock down walls until your body is deceased

Double Dutch

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Have you ever heard of the schoolyard game, double dutch?

It’s a game of jumping ropes but it can get pretty clutch

Because instead of just one rope, they actually swing two (!)

So it’ll take concentration and practice to show what you can do

Once the ropes start turning, it’ll be close to your time

You’ll have to connect with its dual rhythm and its rhyme

Patience and focus will be imperative to your success

Instead of just one rope, you’ll jump two to prove your best

This could go a couple ways, you could worry about your balance

Or you could pump yourself up for a special kind of challenge! 💪🏼

And if you think there’s been a mistake, well, please check your name for “God”

His mystery’s far too complex for us, it’s simply far too broad

So when your turn comes, please make sure that you are ready

Breath deep, anticipate, and keeeep it real steady

Then explode 💥 into the thick blur of spinning cords

Use your gut instincts, even when your brain and your eyes seem unsure

Because once you get the hang of it, you’ll merge with them like one

With the cords and the ropes around your Being being spun

You’ll learn to question the great fear that preceded this fun

And when it’s all over, you’ll take rest ‘n’ the rest will come undone

You will think this task is over but your training’s just begun

Pre-serving the Status Quo

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Have you ever heard of a thing out there called keeping the status quo?

Making things appear to all those near that everything’s entire(ly) UNDER-control

Well I’ll tell you now, it’s a bag of dicks ‘n’ tricks, often of the worst kind

Just to stare at the turmoiled state of affairs while exclaiming! 🔥 oh, but I’m blind 😎

One may even consider sacrificing their integrity just to keep from “rocking the boat”

We may do anything it takes to keep everything nice, to keep things in-tact and afloat

We may have to ask, “please hold this wheel, or it might take a big-ass turn”

Driven by all of our fears and all the anxieties that started to swarm and churn

“Hold on tight. We might lose our balance, someone could fall over-board”

So most of the people began grabbing and clinging, a visceral, unique type of hoard

But did anyone pay any attention to the shy little girl that clearly seems to be

A quiet passenger on the boat, but that also appears lost at sea

She’s sitting on the edge, holding on tightly to the spotless and cold railing

She says to the others, weathered in covers, I’d rather have a boat that goes sailing

Because at least on that boat, it’s true to itself, and to the powers that BE

When Mother Nature takes hold, passengers get bold, and finally I experience “me”

Because she’s not just the girl that stands on the world to feel concrete under her feet

She’d rather set sail on an adventure that entails some experiences she defines neat

It may not be popular, it may not be pretty, but at least it won’t end in defeat

She’ll keep sailing along, singing her songs, focusing on her true needs

Love the Enemy as(i/s) the Self.

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

It really is crazy, how we grow and evolve as time flies

Days turn into months, and then years pass us by

See, we won’t always be the same as we’ve been

And the same goes for others, ‘cause the world it does spin

We’ll expand then contract, regenerate but age

You’ll feel you’d passed through it then recognize “this” stage 🤔

But all that you’re doing is peeling the layers of the onion

And no, I’m not talkin’ about our modern-day Funyuns

The layers of your life, the layers of YOU

The phases of living you’ve been given to “peel” through

Some folks’ may be small, and others’ very large

Some may put down their own to (ex)claim, “I’m in-charge!”

A point I want to make is that onions are very complex

Bitter when raw, but cooked they’re THE best

But the getting there is hard, I personally hate the cutting

‘Cause no matter how you dice it, the tears ! they just start running

Now you may hate onions and say I’m just in my own world

But isn’t that the point? (*Another sliver of onion just curled!*)

Ok let’s not judge our love for onions, but focus on our symbolic own

The one God gave individuals to work with and sow

What we do with what we’re given is up to each of us

How aggressive we peel it, or whether we leave it to dust

But please focus on yours, don’t get all confused

When your onion needs attention, please be sure to prune

You can help others with theirs when the timing is right

Just don’t get too close or take too big of a bite

Thank you for the humor about onions and all of that 😂

Sometimes lessons + stories = teach + distract!

BOTH, what a concept, now you’re getting the gist

All this talk about onions but not one big thing you missed ☺️

Little by Little

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

This is how it happens, Dear, just little by little

Because God knows you truly, deeply and all the places you’re still brittle

But He also knows your strengths, so don’t think that He doesn’t care

When around a certain issue He flings you up into the air

Maybe that’s the test you’re given, to see if you can fly

Or if on your way tumbling down you simply wave at passers by

This is the price we pay for being one of His beloved

Some days we rise ‘n’ shine and other days we may feel rugged

But no matter what happens, I beg you, please do not forget

To take your sense of humor along, to bring your love and wit

‘Cause these subjects are really heavy, and not only just for you

Think about all the others – you know, your family and your crew

We’re all fighting our battles inside in one way or another

And isn’t it cool that to ease our load we can (at times) lean on each other

You’re becoming aware of just how much others have pulled some of your weight

Don’t over-criticize yourself quite yet, it’s had to do with your lowly state

You’ve come to learn there are 3 different ways that the enemy can creep-in

Generational curses, harm done to you, and your own individual sin

The best news about all of this is that everything is getting clearer

You’ve unloaded a lot, you’ve done the work, you can finally look in the mirror !

You’re getting close to having the strength to help OTHERS carry THEIR loads

And on occasion you’ll be given the chance to listen and forebode

Pay attention to all of the messages that you’ve been gifted to receive

Keep your focus on your goals and continue to build strength in what you believe