Family

Here we go, time to take a huge leap of faith 

I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be a disgrace 

To this path of healing that I willingly jumped on 

When suddenly in the dark I got a glimpse of the dawn 

Family of origin, we’ll be spending some time 

So fucking rare it inspired these rhymes 

It’s been over a decade, maybe even two 

Of being trapped in the memories of all the abuse 

In the younger years when it seemed like everyone was fighting 

Back when I still knew how to purge with my writing 

But we’re all growing up in our own little ways 

Maybe these are the new-found lighter kind of days 

Of laughter, joy, and everything else 

We don’t have to accept the hand we thought we’d been dealt 

It’s uncomfortable as hell but it’s cool to sit back and see

What we’re all going through and who we’re turning out to be 

If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably similar to 

Childhood for us, which we all quickly outgrew 

So a regression of sorts to when our hearts were open 

I can see the healing in what felt irreparably broken 

The journey isn’t over, I think it goes on forever 

At least in this life, maybe an infinite endeavor 

But I chose them, and they chose me 

So we might as well work together to help each other see

The beauty of living with our hearts open wide

It ain’t easy but we can take it all in stride

We’ll hold hands, breathe deep, and take a leap together 

Because some of these souls I’ve chosen forever 

My soul people they are, so I suppose I’ll do 

Everything I can, I’ll keep following the clues 

From my guides, my God, and all of those willing 

To help us on this rocky path towards forgiving 

Ourselves and the ones we feel we’ve been harmed by 

It may not always look like it, but every day I try 

To give all the energy that I can muster up 

I must say some days it doesn’t feel like enough 

But along the way, I’ve learned how to be kind 

To myself and others, no more navigating blind 

Those days are over, time to face the light 

Even on the days when it seems too goddamn bright 

It’s okay to accept the love into our hearts 

It’s from somewhere that we all have to pick a place start 

Thank you for this process, it sure hasn’t been easy 

It’s turned me into all sorts of different kinds of cheesy 

Towards the people I meet as I continue to move on 

And as I learn to accept the darkness with the dawn 

Thank you for this life, it’s so beautiful and messy 

What a gift to receive all these magical blessings 

I’ll keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other 

In my world that no longer requires an armor to cover- 

Up who I am and who I really want to be 

Which is a choice, and I choose, I think I’d rather be free 

Tick tock. Tit tat. 

I feel as if I’m floating in a womb

Before now, honestly, it felt like a tomb

And maybe it was, I can’t be sure

I think both are rebirth and equally as pure

I am ready to be born and done with all of that

Small thinking and the internal tit for tat

So much work, it seems all I do is grind

I wonder if I will ever really come to find

My purpose here in the work that I do

To my current state I feel stuck like glue

What am I waiting for and when will it come?

In the meantime maybe I’ll come undone

Perhaps that’s the purpose, a slow death of the old

Maybe you have to experience some kind of chokehold

Before you’ll give up and scream Uncle in this chapter

Right when it turns into an utter disaster

Because healing and change don’t always feel good

They challenge everything that’s under the hood

Of our Selves, our hearts, and all of our beliefs

Sometimes it takes years, other times it’s brief

What a strange feeling of death and birth

I can honestly say that it feels like a first

But I think it’s because I was focused on the end

The thought of new beginnings blew away with the wind

The darkness used to come and go much more quickly

But this year it turned into weeks and months of sick me

Maybe now it’s time that I get a small glimpse

Beyond the heavy muck and everything dense

I welcome the light when it’s ready to be

Something I deserve and am prepared to see

I get little sparks of hope, I find comfort in my people

I found I can pray on my knees without a steeple

It’s a constant thing that I try to do

Communicate with those who are willing to come through

With a message for me, from this plane or another

That give me signs of the things that are yet to be uncovered

Thank you for the gifts of my family’s healing

Sometimes it still feels like a dream and my mind’s reeling

I’m ready to be done with this old conditioned wiring

I need to break through and feel something inspiring

I can and I will, it’s a matter of time

For now I’ll keep giving the old clock a wind