family

My Story

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

If you never asked for my side or my story 

Your opinion will inevitably and ultimately bore me 

‘Cause it’s really all based on your biased conclusions 

Your small, little world is full of you-delusions, 

Preconceived notions and conditioned beliefs;

Skewed, traditional, and Southern motifs 

If you really wanted to know me you would’ve made the time

You would’ve put fort the effort to know what is mine 

You would’ve asked and listened, getting out of yourself 

But you never did try to learn what I felt 

So while I love you and care, this seems to be the end 

The only way to me is if you make yourself bend 

In a direction that you don’t tend to typically go-  

It’s a different path than the only one that you’ve known 

It takes a cracking open, especially of the mind 

It’s scary and unknown, you’re unsure what you’ll find 

But the paradox is that this brings a lot of freedom 

When you break free from the confinement of your everyday “me-dom” 

I hope you will decide to take that daring step 

To recognize you’re stuck, your soul craves new depth 

I’ll be right here praying, hoping you will

Take a step towards me, I’ll forever wait until

Abandonment Wound

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Please let me see your abandonment wound

How far does it go, way back to the womb

Have you been tossed around like a Raggedy Ann

And have you ever found the the full strength to stand

Or does it always feel like you fall short at the line

When you go to seek, do you struggle to find

The next step in life, like its path is blank

Finding it hard to tell the difference between Adam and Frank

It all goes back to the opinions on-hand

Everyone seems to have devised their own plan

To my life’s next steps, it seems to be a lot

I love these people, so why do I feel distraught

Can I release this nagging and constant noise

Can I give the existing darkness its voice

And if I do, what will it say

Will it ask me to go or to stay

Can I let them be, the dark and the light

Or will I fall farther into feelings of contrite

Will I dig into my depths for the secret answer

Will I remember that darkness can also be a dancer

The shadow in life, its a part of the walk

But make sure that you watch your mouth when you talk

Especially when people show up to help

Just ignore when their heavy hands leave welts

It’s not personal, it’s just that they can see your pain

And they want you to experience all of life’s gains

Not all will speak your language, and that’s okay

Just watch for the ones who are CONSISTENT and STAY

Ignore ALL of the ones who make fun of you

The ones who think trauma-triggering is cute

Don’t be apologetic when your insides are screaming

Be extra careful when you start to think of teaming-

Up with folks who have “your” best interest at heart

Who draw the line down and point with certainty at Start

Only you can know, but please keep yourself open

The Light creeps in right where you think you are broken

A-voi(D)ance

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Listen up please, we need to talk about avoidance

And don’t even try t’give me that look, ‘cause I know it’s of annoyance

Looking directly at “the stuff” is how it loses its grip

PULL IT UP to your eye-level so that it won’t make you trip

You’ll want to free your pathway from any scattered junk

So when you walk and move around you don’t move with extra funk

Avoidance is a tricky one, ‘cause you know it’s just right there

But you’ll do absolutely whatever it takes to keep from having to share

Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve?

Perhaps we’re afraid to make the assessment we know is well-deserved

Yes, of course that’s it, it’s really very simple

We’re afraid if we get real honest about our pain that it might actually triple !

But we can’t, we must, we have to move along

This crap we’ve stuffed way deep down is drowning out our song

And our song is THE THING that we’re meant to share with the world

God took our voice and who we are and with both in-hand he twirled

Can you even imagine, God dancing just to make you?

Then imagine how He’d feel if you didn’t do what He made you to do…

Well don’t, we won’t, it’s really not an option

And if you wish to go that way I’d say err on the side of caution

Lean into your Self, lean into your Spirit, and please don’t be afraid

Keep moving along your chosen path and one day you’ll “have it made”

Raising LaBar

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Let me tell you some things about the ones who will and have raised you

They’re not always the ones who’ll constantly sit back and appraise you

They’ll notice when things aren’t quite feeling as if they’re all balanced out

They’ll pick up on your stirring feelings of confusion and doubt

And know that they may not always resc’you, that’s not evidence of true love

You can get that devotion from the Big Guy upstairs ‘n’ those above

Human love is sometimes soft, but it can also feel really hard

You’ll face challenges and ask yourself what you should keep or discard

But don’t forget that your God will never make any mistakes

He adds things to your life, but sometimes he takes

And taking may mean change, so don’t get so overwhelmed

Have Faith in the One who guides you and heads-up your helm

Some things have to die in order for new things to grow

Open your heart and your mind to the circus that’s God’s nature’s show

You can view it with gratitude, or let things pass you by

But your soul knows the way and how high it wants to fly

Your heart will tell you which ones to hold onto or release

But FYI, your Love’ll knock down walls until your body is deceased

Pre-serving the Status Quo

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Have you ever heard of a thing out there called keeping the status quo?

Making things appear to all those near that everything’s entire(ly) UNDER-control

Well I’ll tell you now, it’s a bag of dicks ‘n’ tricks, often of the worst kind

Just to stare at the turmoiled state of affairs while exclaiming! 🔥 oh, but I’m blind 😎

One may even consider sacrificing their integrity just to keep from “rocking the boat”

We may do anything it takes to keep everything nice, to keep things in-tact and afloat

We may have to ask, “please hold this wheel, or it might take a big-ass turn”

Driven by all of our fears and all the anxieties that started to swarm and churn

“Hold on tight. We might lose our balance, someone could fall over-board”

So most of the people began grabbing and clinging, a visceral, unique type of hoard

But did anyone pay any attention to the shy little girl that clearly seems to be

A quiet passenger on the boat, but that also appears lost at sea

She’s sitting on the edge, holding on tightly to the spotless and cold railing

She says to the others, weathered in covers, I’d rather have a boat that goes sailing

Because at least on that boat, it’s true to itself, and to the powers that BE

When Mother Nature takes hold, passengers get bold, and finally I experience “me”

Because she’s not just the girl that stands on the world to feel concrete under her feet

She’d rather set sail on an adventure that entails some experiences she defines neat

It may not be popular, it may not be pretty, but at least it won’t end in defeat

She’ll keep sailing along, singing her songs, focusing on her true needs

Silence

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What do you say when you can’t find the words

When their selection might determine what ends up being heard

Sometimes I have thoughts, and other times I’m blank

And sometimes it gets jumbled all together if I’m frank

As I started coming into a deeper awareness

I started thinking about things, like duality and fairness…

Or what makes me me, and what makes you you…

When you’re not sure about life, what do you do

Do you stay where you are and ask lots of questions

When life drags you around, do you seek out the lessons

Do you pick yourself up at every which turn

From all of your experiences, do you try to learn

Because life will give you moments that were made just for you

Opportunities and trials for you to work through

Don’t see them all as just big bumps in the road

Get out your tools and start trying to de-code

You’ll know that you were meant to be where you are

Because God put you underneath that sky and those stars!

And if you get scared, just know that it will eventually get better

Pray, go easy, and don’t apply too much pressure

But also know when to give yourself timeout

Watch for any stirrings of confusion or doubt

Don’t hurt the people who are extra sensitive and sweet

The ones who you think are super real and pretty neat

The people who came into your life solely to enhance

Don’t abuse, confuse, or fall into a trance

Be honest with yourself and always wear your authenticity

If things get overwhelming shift to genuine simplicity

Keep your intentions pure and if you find there’s been an intrusion

Love yourself hard, purge the feelings, it might be in seclusion

See, energies will creep in so you have to pay close attention

It’s an art to work it down, it’s a WAR OF ATTRITION

Thank you for your part, it sure as shit hasn’t been easy

But with all of this practice, it’ll become easy-breezy

We call this, “conditioning,” you should be very familiar

But this time, darling, you’ve been given the chance to reconfigure

Your innards, your wiring, and what is written in your heart

What you didn’t know when it was being mauled and torn apart

Was that you would be the one who gets to put it back together

And with the team that you picked, life will just keep getting better and fucking better!!

Who am I? / Who I am.

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I spent most of my life having faith in all of them

Most of them I considered trusted family or friends

Were their intentions good, did they have a firm grasp

Of the ideas they projected upon which I clasped

Or did I get confused when others tried to impress

Their ideas onto me if their minds were hard-set

Well now I’ve arrived at the part where I begin

I’ll no longer allow my head to fall or to spin

I can listen to their words but still make up my mind

About who I am, it’s not by them I’m defined

So as I keep going, I will do what I need

I’ll keep the ones close who’ll help me succeed

In understanding my Self, my morals and values

Please present your steady attention, shall you?

I believe that everything here happens for a reason

That people are there for a lifetime, a reason, or a season

That when we feel doubt, we need to amp up our faith

And remember that in His eyes we’re not a disgrace

There may be some heavy things that come up for air

They need lots of love, we can’t fall into despair

We trust that if we’re suffering we must’ve been gifted

With this task of healing, we’ve never really drifted

Far from the places that we must stand tall

Always ready for a serve, a spike, and a fall

For all of us here these paths have been chosen

And any pot in which we’re planted we must grow in

It could be weeks or years, maybe even decades

We can survive mental health, break-ups, and plagues

The trick is to believe that anything is possible

Yes we could focus instead on the probable

But life is guaranteed to throw you some curves

You’ll try to jump, to dodge and then swerve

But most of the big stuff, it was written in the stars

So no matter where you go be sure to stand for who You Are

Big Heave

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You were flung up real high and then taken down low

A serious breakthrough occurred, don’t you know

You felt it in your body, it shot up and down your spine

Intense shaking and sweating, you started to unwind

The energy was overwhelming, as it can often be

But when you came out of it found that you could clearly see

There was no more uneasiness, no more masking heavy doubt

You suddenly knew what you needed and couldn’t live without

What you’ve come to see is that it’s all part of the plan

God had to take you up and down to teach you how to stand

I know it can be very scary, you saw an awful lot of things

But please reflect on how much clarity those sights and images bring

There was a little baby, wrapped quietly on a table

In front of a window with a cross, the sight appeared quite stable

But what you didn’t know is what the image helps portray

A symbol of the One who knows you and who always stays

So even when you think you’re alone and that no one really cares

Remember the love of the One who made you never can compare

So pick your head up, open your eyes, and continue seeing clearly

There’s a ways to go in this life, so tread light and hold it dearly

Perspective

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How do you look at things, from which angles

Do you hold them real close then up high so they can dangle

Do you look from far away, then turn them upside down

Do you stand on top and then spin them around

I’d like to share with you about something called perspective

It might require that you pause and get a bit reflective

It’s all about how you choose to look at every thing

How you perceive the good and the bad that things bring

For example, when you begin looking at a loss

You might be examining what you paid, as in cost

But what you might be missing is cost as in investment

Which can be hard to see, especially if you were an adolescent

You might’ve lost a lot, you might’ve really strained

But you’ve gained so much more that your vision must change

Practice framing your stories in a positive light

Don’t only focus on their elevation, your plight

Especially not the ones you try to kill yourself for

It takes them too, sometimes you can do nothing more

Adopt the understanding that you can’t win them all

Sometimes you’ll stand, other times you’ll fall

What’s so important is that you just keep on going

Even if it’s not clear, all of the “knowing”

What’s taken place, it was written in the stars

From your fated place, you’ve never strayed far

You get what is needed: people, places, and things

When it feels really good, and even when it stings

So don’t forget to reconsider when you start to reflect

Just when you think you know, double-check

‘Cause there’s a holiness in all things, even the pain

You might see a loss when there’s also a gain

So keep on practicing, it’s a very important lesson

Once you get going, we’ll move onto the next one

Save Your Self

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No one can save you, you have to save your self

You have to fix your life, your perspectives, your health

If you don’t, unfortunately, neither can “they”

No matter who comes, who goes, or who stays

See this is adulthood… it can really be hard

You’ll wade through your karma, your past, its shards

You’ll blame other people, then look in the mirror

Your sight, if you work at it, will keep getting clearer

You’ll see them and they, she and then he

Then one day you’ll wake up and be shocked to see “me”

Now this is the part where you’ll want to give up

Because some of your decisions, when examined, they’re rough

You’ve been selfish and self-centered, you’ve blamed and shamed

You’ve labeled others’ demons, you’ve called them names

This started in childhood, when the chaos was rampant

You didn’t know when it was coming ‘cause you didn’t plan it

When the big people flailed, you had to learn to tell

Will this end in glory, or will I wind up in hell

Do I need to play it soft, sweet, and kind

Or do I need to “put up my dukes” and defend from a bind

But I’ll tell you something sweet, much sweeter than this

Life will give you good stuff you won’t want to miss

You’ll find love and friends, adopted sibs and parents

You’ll go on trips, tours…fulfill God-given errands

And yours are for you, so please don’t compare

We’re all of God’s children, special and rare

Stay present for your life, its gifts and struggles

When a fight comes up, show ‘em your knuckles

But when it gives you beauty, try to just rest

You can be totally relaxed and still be your best

As a matter of fact, God wants you to know

You’ve gotta take a break from lugging baggage in-tow

Thank you for deciding to try to be responsible

Just wait until you see what it can all make possible

Death Grip

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I’m sorry that I don’t know how to let go

It’s like the answers are in front of me, but I don’t want to know

It’s easier to pretend that something is when it isn’t

Wipe your eyes child, I thought you had 20/20 vision ?

….See, YOU(R) awareness is attached to YOU(R) experience…

And yes, about it, you tend to be very serious

But you have to remind yourself where YOU-ARE

And you can’t forget, others from afar

It takes consideration, and yes this is new

And you’ll have to work at lessening the amount you subdue

Your feelings and experiences, they’re all part of it

And we already know, “fine, [you’ll] face but not love it” 🙄

You see, life is all about walking the walk

If at any point, your mouth is going to open to talk

Don’t be about all of the smoke and mirrors

Step into your experiences and look a bit clearer

Every place you find yourself, that’s where you are

And you know your God, so don’t ever think you are far

From the intended location of your current presence

Think in symbols, and the the fear will start to lessen

Thank God for each day that you have on this earth

Even when it feels like you’re dying (often and) slowly by bursts 🔥

Hymns and Haws

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There’s a flow to life, the way that it goes

The way it moves, shakes, rattles and rolls

It’ll bring you to your best, and show you your worst

It’ll make you come in last, then put you in first

You’ll think that you know, and maybe you do

But let time pass, live life all the way through

There’s a cycle to existence that never really stops

It’s still moving, even when out bodies drop

But what you’ll come to find as the clock hands tick

Is that your team, they’re the ones that YOU and God picked

Sometimes that’ll be him, or her, or them

Other times, on your own self and God you’ll depend

But please don’t give up as folks enter your world

The next decades you’ll find your self being hurled

Into the lives for which you’ve got to fight tooth and nail

Sometimes you’ll feel weak and other times pale

But the body can withstand more than you know

Don’t let its deceptions cause delay on life’s show

Step into the light and claim your rightful stake

You know the path, the way, and your fate

Discardable

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I cannot believe that you’d throw me away

After all of the prayers prayed out loud that I’d stay

But tell me, if you pray to an invisible God

Is it the same as throwing your wishes into sod

Do you leave them for bugs and misfits to take

Did you charge them with energy but leave their labels blank

Did you walk through the doors with your consciousness off

At the curious mind, do you continue to scoff

This part of life will catch up to you soon

It’s early morning and the alarm rings at noon

I don’t have the answers, I’m not that kind of One

I’m just here to say that this path will be done

Change is the thing you’re always guaranteed

You won’t always get what you want but instead what you need

Go with the feelings you have when they’re there

But don’t forget to use your mind too, when it’s aware

Make friends with the people who stay by your side

The ones who are there when you say ride or die

Honest, Hard Work

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Wade through the muck, please do what you need

This honest, hard work’s very necessary to succeed

If you don’t unravel your personal confliction

It’ll be hard to overcome your powerful addiction

See you went from repress, to suppress, to escape

Because you discovered it’s easier to manipulate the physical along the way

To wrestle the mind can really be draining

Especially if at work you spend a lot of time straining

Balance is a thing upon which the universe relies

Be friends with your mind, it’s nothing to despise

It works hard and fast, to take care of you

Looking for “reasons” so that it can subdue

These feelings in your body that want to come out

It’s yearning for you to allow it to scream and to shout

Don’t trap them inside, that game’s getting old

Opportunities are arising but your plate’s getting cold

Feed yourself from the deep pit of your stomach

Its outside’s not flat, but learn how to love it

Parent your child, who needs you to be

As honest as you never even thought you could be

Trust your guides, yourself, and your learned knowledge

Hurry up and get through the necessary college

Your calling is waiting for you to catch up

And please remind yourself daily, you’re enough

Reassurance

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Use your Will to will

So you can stop feeling you’re being pushed down a hill

Step into your Light

Knowing that by nature you can’t always shine bright

Accept who You are

It might not’ve felt like it, but you’ve never been far

Stand in your Place

Keep creating, staking, and owning your space

Use your real Voice

For the ones near you who may not always have a choice

Remember your roots

So that you and your company will remain in cahoots

Practice humility

Don’t abuse the divine gift you’ve been given in your abilities

Stay in your lane

Remember, you’re not God, don’t act so in vain

Cherish your life

Despite all the loss, heartache, and strife

The truth is, you’re free

You’ve just struggled through healing your poor little me

Open your eyes

Life no longer has to remain cloaked in disguise

Lift your head up

And remember that I AM THE ONE who fills up your cup

Pat yourself on the back

For climbing the mountain to get back on track

Love yourself first

The Love that you emanate might quench someone’s thirst

Try to just be

That is always where you will find comfort in ME

Depth

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There’s a well of sadness residing deep within me

I buried it long ago so that no one else could see

The pain that I feel, it’s too much to bear

If the floodgates were opened you’d stop to stare

Where do you start when you feel you’re at the end

Of your wits, your strength, and your ability to tend

To your needs, the hurt, and the pit of despair

Take your hands off your throat and please come up for air

This life isn’t a race, all you really have is now

Let the tears fall from your eyes and the sweat from your brow

Don’t run from the pain, the secret’s in the depth

And you know what they say, even “Jesus wept.”

Maturity

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Reach with your mind and stretch with your heart

Don’t be afraid when you’re ready to embark

On a journey about learning how to let go

Of the wiring that says, “I must be in control.”

It sure served you well as a very young child

It took the severity of it all from extreme to mild

It gave you the power to set some boundaries

When everyone around you just kept on floundering

So inside you went, and you locked the door

The careless ones around you made you feel abhorred

At their inconsideration just flying around

No one would reach up to pull it back down

So away you went, leading your charge

You were armed and equipped with protective garb

You fought off the feelings of less-than-enough

You stayed walled-in and guarded, appearing tough

But the truth is your heart is big and it’s soft

This Who-You-Are’s starting to peel the layers off

It’s time to step into your Authentic expression

You’ve done loads of work and learned tons of lessons

One day at a time is truly all we have

But the memories are yours to cherish and amass

Challenge Your Pain

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You’ll know when you’re ready to challenge your pain

It might be on the downslope of going insane

Or that’s what it feels like, a landslide of sorts

Your mind will scramble and your body will contort

The process is something like being reborn

You’ll be filled with elation, then flooded with scorn

The light will be so bright you’ll feel you’re floating around

Then day turns to night and someone stuffs you in the ground

And nothing can ever really be predicted

Because none of the days feel the same when conflicted

You’ll be ready for the end if you can just turn the corner

But with every single turn comes a new set of orders

Challenging your pain is somewhere at the top

It means you’ve arrived at the place where it stops

Where the fear of something new has shrunken enough

Where the idea of stretching yourself doesn’t feel quite as tough

Where you know you need to go if you want to really see

How beautiful your gift of life can ultimately be

Please, Don’t Go.

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Please, don’t go.

I already love you, you don’t even know.

Please take my hand.

I want you there when my legs won’t stand.

Please love me, too.

You came to me just as fast as the wind blew.

Please hold me tight.

I’m afraid without you, nothing will feel right.

Please grow with me.

And be open to believing in what you may not see.

Please touch my face.

And trust I’ll always be a comforting place.

Please understand.

My life can be chaotic, and other times grand.

Please come along.

And help me to write and sing life’s truest song.

Please don’t give up.

Especially if and when the going gets tough.

Please, don’t go.

I always will love you, you don’t even know.

Broken Record

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Reading, writing and arithmetic

Throw me at a wall and watch me stick:

Done. I mean, just for the moment

Because part of me knows it’s mine and to own it

But I’ll tell you something about the weight of it all

You stand right up and without a doubt, fall

I know it’s my fault that I’m staying stuck

I know it’s not that I have bad luck

My mind feels broken, it always takes the wrong turn

Self-sabotage and shame start to swarm and churn

I always set it up so that one of us leaves

Which affirms the cemented and repeated belief

That I’m so defective and that they all go

And isn’t it fucked that I actually know

That I feed the cycle that I hate so much

That I’m conscious of the bullshit and the crutch

I also know that my mature adult’s here now

I always see her, there to help and show me how

But I brush her presence off, it’s easier to do

Because loving encouragement is not what I’m used to

And the pain feels too much to bear

To feel the hurt when I become aware

First Runner-Up

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It feels like it must’ve been just yesterday

That I was running inside after a long day of play

Only to be met by a reality that hurt

I should’ve just stayed outside in the dirt

Because at least Mother Nature would hold me dearly

Her devotion and love I could always feel clearly

But home was riddled with chaos and confusion

Most of the time, reality was an illusion

It’s where my core wound began to set in

Where so many days the tie went to him

Where I stood outside her door that was locked

And with tears in my eyes, softly I knocked

The silence that followed would usually be met

With a desire, a hope, and a prayer to forget

The deafening sound of not being chosen

No wonder I became so numb and so frozen

But I know why it all had to happen that way

And why most of the people who come don’t stay

To teach me how to start choosing myself

To start to prioritize my heart’s value and health

To make sure that I’m ok no matter where I am

And when I’m weak to learn to take my own hand

It still isn’t easy, this lesson I’m learning

Opportunities arise and I feel all the churning

Of emotions that got trapped 20+ years ago

The ones that block any rationality I know

But I’ve learned over time to find a quiet space

Where I can go back to that dark and heavy place

To show my little girl she’s not trapped anymore

To pick up her devastation and show it to the door

The days are getting fewer and farther between

You’ve accomplished so much more than it seems

Keep on going, and please don’t ever question

When people show up to teach you life’s greatest lessons

Change

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Have you ever really wanted to change

To expand and shift your previous range

Of understanding, emotions, and relationships-

You’ll blow-up your perception, it’ll explode into bits

To face a dilemma that’s never really shifted

Please return from the place to which you unknowingly drifted

Be ready to open your mind to the truth

At first you may feel subjected to what they call “fake news”

Because realities feel firm, it can seem we’re defined

By the present situation presenting in our minds

But the truth is, you really have the will to choose

You don’t have to walk around wearing that artificial noose

If you jump into your skin, you’ll ultimately find

You aren’t really the sum of the workings of your mind

At least not thus far, but it’s getting stronger

Your consciousness is waking up, it can’t sleep any longer

So tell your animalistic, wired-wrong amygdala

It no longer has to feel ruled by the Emperor, Caligula

You’ll see when you get there, as you usually do

But we appreciate you paying close attention to the clues

Keep your hopes high, and your courage ever-steady

Everything comes to you in perfect timing: when you’re ready

Evolution

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I wish you would please tell me, what ever is the trick

To figure out the messages and to make them stick

I’m not talking about the black stuff that my feet get stuck in

And not the place I put my head every time it starts to spin

Where’s the assurance of what really is the Truth

And where’s the confirmation that there’s really any use

To always being the one who’s trying to figure it all out

Everyone else just seems to want to scream and shout

But don’t we all deserve it, to get to stand in our Light

And to lower our fists when it comes to the knock-down drag-out fights

What if we maybe tried using some of our words

And what if that way we actually ended up being heard

By just being honest about what’s truly on our hearts

And trust me, I get it, that’s the hardest fucking part

Because if you’re anything like me, you’re not always very clear

About which thoughts and feelings to share as they appear

Is this one old? Is this one True? Or is it the same old lie?

My mind tends to make things up which leads to my demise

Life is funny, and I’m not sure it’ll ever really be solved

What seems to happen is that we just continue to evolve

The B̶r̶o̶k̶e̶n̶ Healing Place

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

You are needed where your heart feels the most broken

Where your lips quiver at even the thought of all the words left unspoken

Where your pain wraps you up and swallows you whole

Where you planned, you plotted, and clearly outlined your goal:

To get out, to escape, to run far and never return

This is the land where your bones rattle and your soul’s fire burns

You are needed where your heart feels the most broken

‘Cause life’s like a game at the circus, and your pain is your token

It will disappoint you most of the time, and you’ll feel you’re coming up short

But I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask you, please don’t abort

Your efforts in this game of life that you’ll play

Where you’ll learn some real and tough lessons along the way

The ones that you chose, before whence you came

You even hand-picked all of the people you could blame

But blame is a humanity thing, if you didn’t already know

You love them and you asked them to come here to show

You how to get the things that you want for your Highest Self

It may not look like fame, a sea of friends, or even excessive wealth

But it will be what you need to help you evolve along the way

Trust your instincts when you want to leave but they tell you to stay

Despite the fire in your soul and the pain that rattles your bones

Because it’s the trauma that will surface and you’ll come due on your loans

Find your space, find your people, it’s all going to be okay

Don’t forget, it was all pre-planned any-fucking-way

Growing Up

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

What’s this icky, mucky, yucky mess? 

Sorry to say, but I must confess 

There’s a little girl, she’s trapped inside 

And all she’s known is run-and-hide 

Protect that heart, it’s the number one 

Priority following the devastating shun 

That shut her down and turned her in 

When it becomes too much, her head does spin 

Around and around, if it builds up speed 

Get out quick, my warning please heed 

The sight will make you feel an ache 

And in hearing about the crushing heart-break 

You’ll learn that she was left, all alone 

And that it seems as if she’ll always be prone 

To those old ways and how it’s been 

At the sight I’ll admit I sometimes cringe 

It’s such a slow go, this growing thing 

With the aches and pains it seems to bring 

But that’s life and how it’ll always be 

Don’t expect that you’ll ever truly be free 

From the highs and the lows, it’s a kind of game 

So pick your head up and try to sustain  

Because balance exists, it’s all around 

First you’ll feel lost, then you’ll feel found 

There’s night and day, birth and death 

And don’t try to say that God made a mess 

Of this beautiful place, where joy and pain 

Exist together with loss and gain 

Because if you didn’t have both, how would you know? 

The value when it actually starts to show 

That you’ve grown up, and finally begun 

To lessen the moments when you come undone

So you move and you bend, and sometimes you break 

But you try not to forget what’s really at stake 

It’s a chance to hold a Loving space 

For those when they cry out, “Holy Grace!” 

And someday you’ll get to stand in your light 

After the years of a seemingly never-ending fight 

With who you think you are, or maybe should be 

The time will come when you will see 

There’s a little girl in most of us 

And we all need someone that we can trust 

So when you come out on the other side 

You’ll be the lucky one that gets to provide 

A space where someone can bravely say, 

“I’m scared… do you think, maybe you could stay?”

You’ll hold her hand and you’ll quickly feel 

The familiar feeling of being stuck in that wheel 

You’ll say, “it’s okay, I’ll stay right here 

And I’ll listen to you, sweet little dear 

Because you matter, and I want you to know 

This is simply a chance for you to grow” 🌳 

So she keeps going, and she’ll always remember 

To love that little girl, and to never forget her

Family

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Here we go, time to take a huge leap of faith 

I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be a disgrace 

To this path of healing that I willingly jumped on 

When suddenly in the dark I got a glimpse of the dawn 

Family of origin, we’ll be spending some time 

So fucking rare it inspired these rhymes 

It’s been over a decade, maybe even two 

Of being trapped in the memories of all the abuse 

In the younger years when it seemed like everyone was fighting 

Back when I still knew how to purge with my writing 

But we’re all growing up in our own little ways 

Maybe these are the new-found lighter kind of days 

Of laughter, joy, and everything else 

We don’t have to accept the hand we thought we’d been dealt 

It’s uncomfortable as hell but it’s cool to sit back and see

What we’re all going through and who we’re turning out to be 

If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably similar to 

Childhood for us, which we all quickly outgrew 

So a regression of sorts to when our hearts were open 

I can see the healing in what felt irreparably broken 

The journey isn’t over, I think it goes on forever 

At least in this life, maybe an infinite endeavor 

But I chose them, and they chose me 

So we might as well work together to help each other see

The beauty of living with our hearts open wide

It ain’t easy but we can take it all in stride

We’ll hold hands, breathe deep, and take a leap together 

Because some of these souls I’ve chosen forever 

My soul people they are, so I suppose I’ll do 

Everything I can, I’ll keep following the clues 

From my guides, my God, and all of those willing 

To help us on this rocky path towards forgiving 

Ourselves and the ones we feel we’ve been harmed by 

It may not always look like it, but every day I try 

To give all the energy that I can muster up 

I must say some days it doesn’t feel like enough 

But along the way, I’ve learned how to be kind 

To myself and others, no more navigating blind 

Those days are over, time to face the light 

Even on the days when it seems too goddamn bright 

It’s okay to accept the love into our hearts 

It’s from somewhere that we all have to pick a place start 

Thank you for this process, it sure hasn’t been easy 

It’s turned me into all sorts of different kinds of cheesy 

Towards the people I meet as I continue to move on 

And as I learn to accept the darkness with the dawn 

Thank you for this life, it’s so beautiful and messy 

What a gift to receive all these magical blessings 

I’ll keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other 

In my world that no longer requires an armor to cover- 

Up who I am and who I really want to be 

Which is a choice, and I choose, I think I’d rather be free