relationships

Goodbye

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I saw you say goodbye 

Didn’t even express a sigh 

Maybe you were thinking 

Of keeping on with drinking 

I know it’s been really big 

Hard not to take another swig 

I’ve sat long enough in that chair 

It’s taken a lot for me to share 

I used to get really sick 

Thinking about facing it 

But I’ve gotten tired of the story 

Its repetition has started to bore me 

I want to see in living color 

The feelings aren’t “above her” 

Gotta hunker down in the day 

Can’t worry about what you say 

I wish you all the very best 

I hope I passed your test 

Please take care of you 

Keep on saying what is True 

Love

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I need to tell you something, Love isn’t supposed to feel bad 

I know it’s been confusing because of the types of the “Love” that you’ve had 

Love is patient, Love is kind, it asks that you not be selfish 

Love will still be there in the morning after you spent the night being hellish 

Love is a paradox, it may throw you for a really big loop 

Love might turn all your hardest of edges into the puddliest piles of goop 

Just when you think Love doesn’t know you, you may be quite surprised 

Love will wait patiently for you until you stop wanting to hide 

Love is the answer, no matter the freaking question 

Love will not get mad at you if (and when) you have to repeat the same lesson 

Love can make you feel warm, but at times it could make you feel scared 

Especially if you’ve associated pain or loss with the biggest of Loves that you’ve shared 

So be patient with your Self, Love isn’t going any place soon 

Love will sleep on the floor outside your door until you make some extra room 

Rage

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

This is gonna be a new one, so please pull up a seat 

Pay close attention to this, you won’t want to miss a beat 

We need to discuss a little-big thing, I’ll go ahead and call it “rage” 

It’s the kind of feeling that may come-up if someone tried stuffing you into a cage 

And I don’t mean in the figurative sense like being “put into a box” 

I mean feelings in a human body that make you feel stronger than an ox 

Don’t jump to any conclusions, this feeling isn’t quite “good” 

It will make you do things in your life that I’m not sure you typically would 

Your face gets hot and things get blurry, you may even feel quite faint 

You’ll want to take the brightest red and with it the town you’ll want to paint 

But be careful with these feelings, they can become in.tense 

You may even get to a place where you’re not making a whole lot of sense 

So when you get to that place, be sure to go inside 

Find that little girl in you, she’s scared and she wants to hide 

She needs your reassurance and your everlasting love 

And if you can’t muster it up, well then get it from up Up Above 

But the last thing you want is for her to feel like you don’t really care 

You’ll have to make some space in your life, a little space for her to share 

Once she knows her value, everything will calm down 

She’s standing up on both feet now and no longer thinks she’ll drown

The next part of this story, will be learning how to swim 

It won’t come naturally at all, it won’t happen on a whim 

It will take a lot practice, and maybe some uncomfortable growth 

But trust when you look at your track record that there are lots of things that you know 

Not all, come on now, humanity is a real big hurdle 

Don’t try to play the freaking hare, be satisfied with being a goddam turtle 

Abandonment Wound

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Please let me see your abandonment wound

How far does it go, way back to the womb

Have you been tossed around like a Raggedy Ann

And have you ever found the the full strength to stand

Or does it always feel like you fall short at the line

When you go to seek, do you struggle to find

The next step in life, like its path is blank

Finding it hard to tell the difference between Adam and Frank

It all goes back to the opinions on-hand

Everyone seems to have devised their own plan

To my life’s next steps, it seems to be a lot

I love these people, so why do I feel distraught

Can I release this nagging and constant noise

Can I give the existing darkness its voice

And if I do, what will it say

Will it ask me to go or to stay

Can I let them be, the dark and the light

Or will I fall farther into feelings of contrite

Will I dig into my depths for the secret answer

Will I remember that darkness can also be a dancer

The shadow in life, its a part of the walk

But make sure that you watch your mouth when you talk

Especially when people show up to help

Just ignore when their heavy hands leave welts

It’s not personal, it’s just that they can see your pain

And they want you to experience all of life’s gains

Not all will speak your language, and that’s okay

Just watch for the ones who are CONSISTENT and STAY

Ignore ALL of the ones who make fun of you

The ones who think trauma-triggering is cute

Don’t be apologetic when your insides are screaming

Be extra careful when you start to think of teaming-

Up with folks who have “your” best interest at heart

Who draw the line down and point with certainty at Start

Only you can know, but please keep yourself open

The Light creeps in right where you think you are broken

Sickness/Health

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I’m here on my knees, I’ve taken my last step

Will this be it…will I win that big bet

The one that I decided to place on my-self

To be responsible for my own well-being and health

To live in the light, and to walk in my truth

Have I lost what little I have left of my youth

It isn’t easy, or fun, and it won’t be a breeze

It won’t get easier, no matter how much you beg or you plead

Because when it got sewed it in, it was sewed very tight

You asked that it not be undone, even when you think, “but i’m right” !

This is the work, girl, it’s part of the deal

The work began when you decided you were going.to.heal!

You’re funny, and kind, and you’ve got a lot to give

You have a lot of your life left to act.u.ally live

Because you haven’t been living, no matter what you say

We’ve watched you hem and haw, you’ve rocked and you’ve swayed

But you’re getting there (slowly) more things are making sense

You’re more open to the world’s insights and beautiful hints

But you’ve gotta stop the hammering on your sensitive soul

There are some things – well most things – where you’re not in control

You will know what’s best for you, you precious little doll

Bet you didn’t see the way up when you took that big fall

Its view is getting clearer, you can almost see the next step

Encourage yourself, every single chance that you get

A-voi(D)ance

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Listen up please, we need to talk about avoidance

And don’t even try t’give me that look, ‘cause I know it’s of annoyance

Looking directly at “the stuff” is how it loses its grip

PULL IT UP to your eye-level so that it won’t make you trip

You’ll want to free your pathway from any scattered junk

So when you walk and move around you don’t move with extra funk

Avoidance is a tricky one, ‘cause you know it’s just right there

But you’ll do absolutely whatever it takes to keep from having to share

Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve?

Perhaps we’re afraid to make the assessment we know is well-deserved

Yes, of course that’s it, it’s really very simple

We’re afraid if we get real honest about our pain that it might actually triple !

But we can’t, we must, we have to move along

This crap we’ve stuffed way deep down is drowning out our song

And our song is THE THING that we’re meant to share with the world

God took our voice and who we are and with both in-hand he twirled

Can you even imagine, God dancing just to make you?

Then imagine how He’d feel if you didn’t do what He made you to do…

Well don’t, we won’t, it’s really not an option

And if you wish to go that way I’d say err on the side of caution

Lean into your Self, lean into your Spirit, and please don’t be afraid

Keep moving along your chosen path and one day you’ll “have it made”

Say what you mean.

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever been in that very strange place

Where someone asks you to please run at their pace

Where you were told how to act and how to behave

Told how to eat your food and which ones not to crave

It’s such a weird space that we occupy here

Where machines are built [this] way and for [so many] years

Some won’t want you original, a threat to their norm

When you say “this is it,” it may stir up a storm

All over another’s idea of how I should speak my truth

Well, you must not’ve heard about the history of ab.use

You see, its roots are responsible for tendering this fire

Fueled by grit, strength, and a depth of desire

To prepare myself enough to guide the ones who come

Like, what if they show up asking me, “what can be done?” !!!!

Because my answers won’t come from that lost inner kid

Who just said what they were told and did what others did

It’ll come from this adult who carefully constructed a foundation

With God, the right tools, and people-filled love stations

The things that charge and guide me when my light starts to dim

When the path turns dark and the window of sight becomes slim

Because when those storms come, I want my house to be ready

I don’t want to flood with fear and then question if it’s steady

I want to stand on tended ground with a confidence within

That will hold firm when the storms come bringing the winds

When the forecast is changing and its predictions are grim

It’ll be the place that we find ourselves after life fills with Him

If there’s one thing that I know, He weathers those storms

He’s got this super duper, invisible, magical platform

That underlies all that we do if we just follow His ways

You’ll be able to see the light even when the skies appear grey

And it won’t be perfect, don’t forget, that’s already been covered

He gave His own life so that we don’t have to suffer !!!

Can you even believe it!?? It actually really does take quite a while

But you’ve made it through in your own, individual, and unique kind of style 😝

Dismissive

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

How do you get when it hits you in the face

When someone decides they’re gonna try t’put you in your place

With words, a firm look, or by creating some space

Is it hard not to feel like you’ve suddenly been replaced

With an idea, a phrase, or a fresh set of eyes

Is it a view that you will accept or go on to despise

Will you take it in to settle and weigh its future lesson

Or will you let it push you to a state of surprise-yourself aggression

Well don’t dismiss it when you get a really hard shot to your gut

When a blow hits you hard and there’s nothing in it to rebut

Because it may knock you loose from the stand that you’re on

You may get to see, as an adult, the natural instinct to fawn

But challenge yourself and be okay with things moving around

Even if that movement is in the direction of down

From being too high where you can’t see all of the views

A perspective that might actually make you feel lighter and new

So use judgment, take time, think through every step

Because that approach hasn’t failed you, not quite, not yet

It’s important that you learn to sit at every level

Where you’ll feel torn and tattered, confused and disheveled

Because then you’ll get to see, there are different points of view

You can sit with these and those, all are parts of your crew

It’s humanity, you nut, but you’ve known all along

Don’t dismiss the tune, when sung, of someone else’s song

Raising LaBar

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Let me tell you some things about the ones who will and have raised you

They’re not always the ones who’ll constantly sit back and appraise you

They’ll notice when things aren’t quite feeling as if they’re all balanced out

They’ll pick up on your stirring feelings of confusion and doubt

And know that they may not always resc’you, that’s not evidence of true love

You can get that devotion from the Big Guy upstairs ‘n’ those above

Human love is sometimes soft, but it can also feel really hard

You’ll face challenges and ask yourself what you should keep or discard

But don’t forget that your God will never make any mistakes

He adds things to your life, but sometimes he takes

And taking may mean change, so don’t get so overwhelmed

Have Faith in the One who guides you and heads-up your helm

Some things have to die in order for new things to grow

Open your heart and your mind to the circus that’s God’s nature’s show

You can view it with gratitude, or let things pass you by

But your soul knows the way and how high it wants to fly

Your heart will tell you which ones to hold onto or release

But FYI, your Love’ll knock down walls until your body is deceased

Pre-serving the Status Quo

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever heard of a thing out there called keeping the status quo?

Making things appear to all those near that everything’s entire(ly) UNDER-control

Well I’ll tell you now, it’s a bag of dicks ‘n’ tricks, often of the worst kind

Just to stare at the turmoiled state of affairs while exclaiming! 🔥 oh, but I’m blind 😎

One may even consider sacrificing their integrity just to keep from “rocking the boat”

We may do anything it takes to keep everything nice, to keep things in-tact and afloat

We may have to ask, “please hold this wheel, or it might take a big-ass turn”

Driven by all of our fears and all the anxieties that started to swarm and churn

“Hold on tight. We might lose our balance, someone could fall over-board”

So most of the people began grabbing and clinging, a visceral, unique type of hoard

But did anyone pay any attention to the shy little girl that clearly seems to be

A quiet passenger on the boat, but that also appears lost at sea

She’s sitting on the edge, holding on tightly to the spotless and cold railing

She says to the others, weathered in covers, I’d rather have a boat that goes sailing

Because at least on that boat, it’s true to itself, and to the powers that BE

When Mother Nature takes hold, passengers get bold, and finally I experience “me”

Because she’s not just the girl that stands on the world to feel concrete under her feet

She’d rather set sail on an adventure that entails some experiences she defines neat

It may not be popular, it may not be pretty, but at least it won’t end in defeat

She’ll keep sailing along, singing her songs, focusing on her true needs

Level-Up

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

How will you know if you’re being asked to level-up?

I’m not sure you can prepare for it, it’s gonna seem abrupt

You may feel lost and confused, abandoned and afraid

You’ll do anything to survive… you’ll do whatever it takes

But that is the old you, the one you’re starting to heal

And while it may look ugly at first, it’s a really big deal!!

Your awareness of your patterns is how they start to shift

Awareness will fall upon you, it may even cause some riffs

But now it won’t be the same as it’s been in the past

The lies that you told yourself, well, they just won’t last !!

Your ultimate truth is starting to come up for air

To help pull you out of your deep pit of despair

You can have all of your feelings, thoughts, and emotions

Just don’t create – when you can control it – unnecessary commotion

Especially not with others, you must stay in your lane

You know it’s not their fault when you’re “going in-sane”

And if they do in fact contribute to the pain that you feel

Create distance, don’t sweat it, just keep keeping it real

Find your center, use your sight, and be very clear

But be willing to examine all angles and how each one appears

Parts will remind you of the Big Book’s step four and step five-

Your gears will shift from reverse, to neutral, to drive

You understand now that virtue exists in your mind

Don’t look at what you’re doing then exclaim, “but, I’m blind” !

Now you have some knowledge, some tools, and some of your peeps

Don’t be afraid to join your crew, your people, the freaks!

Now this part’s really hard, you’ll have to be brutally honest

But these are the times — heavy times are upon us!

So you must purge, let it go, please lighten your load

Don’t let any-one push you to the point you explode

Learn to keep your cool and focus on the task at-hand

The ones labeled yours, that are YOURS to command

And let others have theirs, they have their journeys, too

It’s not always your work, it’s not always about you!!

Oh and here’s one thing you’ll really have to start to absorb

Put it on repeat: your actions speak louder than your words!!

You’re doing great, a little wobbly, but you are gaining ground

Don’t forget to enjoy, don’t forget to pause and look around

Baby steps is how you get there and you’re doing just fine

Keep your eye on the prize, next let’s focus on the mind

Silence

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

What do you say when you can’t find the words

When their selection might determine what ends up being heard

Sometimes I have thoughts, and other times I’m blank

And sometimes it gets jumbled all together if I’m frank

As I started coming into a deeper awareness

I started thinking about things, like duality and fairness…

Or what makes me me, and what makes you you…

When you’re not sure about life, what do you do

Do you stay where you are and ask lots of questions

When life drags you around, do you seek out the lessons

Do you pick yourself up at every which turn

From all of your experiences, do you try to learn

Because life will give you moments that were made just for you

Opportunities and trials for you to work through

Don’t see them all as just big bumps in the road

Get out your tools and start trying to de-code

You’ll know that you were meant to be where you are

Because God put you underneath that sky and those stars!

And if you get scared, just know that it will eventually get better

Pray, go easy, and don’t apply too much pressure

But also know when to give yourself timeout

Watch for any stirrings of confusion or doubt

Don’t hurt the people who are extra sensitive and sweet

The ones who you think are super real and pretty neat

The people who came into your life solely to enhance

Don’t abuse, confuse, or fall into a trance

Be honest with yourself and always wear your authenticity

If things get overwhelming shift to genuine simplicity

Keep your intentions pure and if you find there’s been an intrusion

Love yourself hard, purge the feelings, it might be in seclusion

See, energies will creep in so you have to pay close attention

It’s an art to work it down, it’s a WAR OF ATTRITION

Thank you for your part, it sure as shit hasn’t been easy

But with all of this practice, it’ll become easy-breezy

We call this, “conditioning,” you should be very familiar

But this time, darling, you’ve been given the chance to reconfigure

Your innards, your wiring, and what is written in your heart

What you didn’t know when it was being mauled and torn apart

Was that you would be the one who gets to put it back together

And with the team that you picked, life will just keep getting better and fucking better!!

Who am I? / Who I am.

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I spent most of my life having faith in all of them

Most of them I considered trusted family or friends

Were their intentions good, did they have a firm grasp

Of the ideas they projected upon which I clasped

Or did I get confused when others tried to impress

Their ideas onto me if their minds were hard-set

Well now I’ve arrived at the part where I begin

I’ll no longer allow my head to fall or to spin

I can listen to their words but still make up my mind

About who I am, it’s not by them I’m defined

So as I keep going, I will do what I need

I’ll keep the ones close who’ll help me succeed

In understanding my Self, my morals and values

Please present your steady attention, shall you?

I believe that everything here happens for a reason

That people are there for a lifetime, a reason, or a season

That when we feel doubt, we need to amp up our faith

And remember that in His eyes we’re not a disgrace

There may be some heavy things that come up for air

They need lots of love, we can’t fall into despair

We trust that if we’re suffering we must’ve been gifted

With this task of healing, we’ve never really drifted

Far from the places that we must stand tall

Always ready for a serve, a spike, and a fall

For all of us here these paths have been chosen

And any pot in which we’re planted we must grow in

It could be weeks or years, maybe even decades

We can survive mental health, break-ups, and plagues

The trick is to believe that anything is possible

Yes we could focus instead on the probable

But life is guaranteed to throw you some curves

You’ll try to jump, to dodge and then swerve

But most of the big stuff, it was written in the stars

So no matter where you go be sure to stand for who You Are

Perspective

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

How do you look at things, from which angles

Do you hold them real close then up high so they can dangle

Do you look from far away, then turn them upside down

Do you stand on top and then spin them around

I’d like to share with you about something called perspective

It might require that you pause and get a bit reflective

It’s all about how you choose to look at every thing

How you perceive the good and the bad that things bring

For example, when you begin looking at a loss

You might be examining what you paid, as in cost

But what you might be missing is cost as in investment

Which can be hard to see, especially if you were an adolescent

You might’ve lost a lot, you might’ve really strained

But you’ve gained so much more that your vision must change

Practice framing your stories in a positive light

Don’t only focus on their elevation, your plight

Especially not the ones you try to kill yourself for

It takes them too, sometimes you can do nothing more

Adopt the understanding that you can’t win them all

Sometimes you’ll stand, other times you’ll fall

What’s so important is that you just keep on going

Even if it’s not clear, all of the “knowing”

What’s taken place, it was written in the stars

From your fated place, you’ve never strayed far

You get what is needed: people, places, and things

When it feels really good, and even when it stings

So don’t forget to reconsider when you start to reflect

Just when you think you know, double-check

‘Cause there’s a holiness in all things, even the pain

You might see a loss when there’s also a gain

So keep on practicing, it’s a very important lesson

Once you get going, we’ll move onto the next one

Save Your Self

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

No one can save you, you have to save your self

You have to fix your life, your perspectives, your health

If you don’t, unfortunately, neither can “they”

No matter who comes, who goes, or who stays

See this is adulthood… it can really be hard

You’ll wade through your karma, your past, its shards

You’ll blame other people, then look in the mirror

Your sight, if you work at it, will keep getting clearer

You’ll see them and they, she and then he

Then one day you’ll wake up and be shocked to see “me”

Now this is the part where you’ll want to give up

Because some of your decisions, when examined, they’re rough

You’ve been selfish and self-centered, you’ve blamed and shamed

You’ve labeled others’ demons, you’ve called them names

This started in childhood, when the chaos was rampant

You didn’t know when it was coming ‘cause you didn’t plan it

When the big people flailed, you had to learn to tell

Will this end in glory, or will I wind up in hell

Do I need to play it soft, sweet, and kind

Or do I need to “put up my dukes” and defend from a bind

But I’ll tell you something sweet, much sweeter than this

Life will give you good stuff you won’t want to miss

You’ll find love and friends, adopted sibs and parents

You’ll go on trips, tours…fulfill God-given errands

And yours are for you, so please don’t compare

We’re all of God’s children, special and rare

Stay present for your life, its gifts and struggles

When a fight comes up, show ‘em your knuckles

But when it gives you beauty, try to just rest

You can be totally relaxed and still be your best

As a matter of fact, God wants you to know

You’ve gotta take a break from lugging baggage in-tow

Thank you for deciding to try to be responsible

Just wait until you see what it can all make possible

Death Grip

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

I’m sorry that I don’t know how to let go

It’s like the answers are in front of me, but I don’t want to know

It’s easier to pretend that something is when it isn’t

Wipe your eyes child, I thought you had 20/20 vision ?

….See, YOU(R) awareness is attached to YOU(R) experience…

And yes, about it, you tend to be very serious

But you have to remind yourself where YOU-ARE

And you can’t forget, others from afar

It takes consideration, and yes this is new

And you’ll have to work at lessening the amount you subdue

Your feelings and experiences, they’re all part of it

And we already know, “fine, [you’ll] face but not love it” 🙄

You see, life is all about walking the walk

If at any point, your mouth is going to open to talk

Don’t be about all of the smoke and mirrors

Step into your experiences and look a bit clearer

Every place you find yourself, that’s where you are

And you know your God, so don’t ever think you are far

From the intended location of your current presence

Think in symbols, and the the fear will start to lessen

Thank God for each day that you have on this earth

Even when it feels like you’re dying (often and) slowly by bursts 🔥

Honest, Hard Work

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Wade through the muck, please do what you need

This honest, hard work’s very necessary to succeed

If you don’t unravel your personal confliction

It’ll be hard to overcome your powerful addiction

See you went from repress, to suppress, to escape

Because you discovered it’s easier to manipulate the physical along the way

To wrestle the mind can really be draining

Especially if at work you spend a lot of time straining

Balance is a thing upon which the universe relies

Be friends with your mind, it’s nothing to despise

It works hard and fast, to take care of you

Looking for “reasons” so that it can subdue

These feelings in your body that want to come out

It’s yearning for you to allow it to scream and to shout

Don’t trap them inside, that game’s getting old

Opportunities are arising but your plate’s getting cold

Feed yourself from the deep pit of your stomach

Its outside’s not flat, but learn how to love it

Parent your child, who needs you to be

As honest as you never even thought you could be

Trust your guides, yourself, and your learned knowledge

Hurry up and get through the necessary college

Your calling is waiting for you to catch up

And please remind yourself daily, you’re enough

Reassurance

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

Use your Will to will

So you can stop feeling you’re being pushed down a hill

Step into your Light

Knowing that by nature you can’t always shine bright

Accept who You are

It might not’ve felt like it, but you’ve never been far

Stand in your Place

Keep creating, staking, and owning your space

Use your real Voice

For the ones near you who may not always have a choice

Remember your roots

So that you and your company will remain in cahoots

Practice humility

Don’t abuse the divine gift you’ve been given in your abilities

Stay in your lane

Remember, you’re not God, don’t act so in vain

Cherish your life

Despite all the loss, heartache, and strife

The truth is, you’re free

You’ve just struggled through healing your poor little me

Open your eyes

Life no longer has to remain cloaked in disguise

Lift your head up

And remember that I AM THE ONE who fills up your cup

Pat yourself on the back

For climbing the mountain to get back on track

Love yourself first

The Love that you emanate might quench someone’s thirst

Try to just be

That is always where you will find comfort in ME

Depth

~ Everyday Awakenings ~ Leave a comment

There’s a well of sadness residing deep within me

I buried it long ago so that no one else could see

The pain that I feel, it’s too much to bear

If the floodgates were opened you’d stop to stare

Where do you start when you feel you’re at the end

Of your wits, your strength, and your ability to tend

To your needs, the hurt, and the pit of despair

Take your hands off your throat and please come up for air

This life isn’t a race, all you really have is now

Let the tears fall from your eyes and the sweat from your brow

Don’t run from the pain, the secret’s in the depth

And you know what they say, even “Jesus wept.”