You think I don’t know? You’re wrong.
I can sense you’ve taken advantage of my song.
It’s a gift. Not meant to create rifts.
Thank you for monitoring while my soul floats adrift, in this game of life.
It’s a sea.
Choose to believe, each other.
Do the right thing, use your True intentions;
Be specific when deciding what kinds of things you’d like to mention.
Do you align, and do all of your parts seem to be in order?
Have you taken a look around in your personal, individual quarters-
Before you started dipping all of your hands in others’ arenas?
When you create, in your mind, do you also see hyenas?
Please reconsider, please take a look at your own dial,
Consider how you’ll act when and if presented in a court of trial.
Listen up my dear, it’s okay to be known
It’s actually a really big sign that you’ve truly grown
Accepting all the different parts of your wonder-ful self
Learning how to be responsible for your own personal health
It may not be very easy, but it sure beats the alternative
Your head will screw on straight and you’ll be able to see whose turn it is
Because it isn’t always yours, growing up means at times being self-less
It means it all comes together and finally life feels a little less reckless
You deserve to stand up tall, and give yourself a pat on the back
You went right on through it, you stayed on your right track
And now you’ll get to see some of the fruits of your difficult labor
You’ve learned that your rock hard place exists with your personal Savior
It’s such a beautiful walk, one we would never want to miss
Now this life will not pass you by without getting to experience bliss
I’m finding it hard to get up off the ground
You’d wonder why I stay lost to get found
Too many things going on in my mind
Covering my eyes to declare that I’m blind
What will make you want to take that crucial turn
To put out the icicles that continue to burn
No sense is made in this place where you are
You’ll look very close but appear very far
It’s an endless glass from which you drink all your thoughts
Don’t be deduced by it being labeled store-bought
Let go of your pride, it’s a thorn in your side
Until then it’s by It that you will have to abide
Get cozy in your sludge and the icky-yucky mess
Why do we keep on having to digress
What is this anger that won’t move on through
I want to slough on spirituality, smoke a joint and subdue
Even when my mind’s off, I don’t feel very good
Wishing that I won’t all whilst wishing that I could
I’ll do myself a favor and admit it’s understood
That there’s powerlessness underneath this old and painted hood
I saw you say goodbye
Didn’t even express a sigh
Maybe you were thinking
Of keeping on with drinking
I know it’s been really big
Hard not to take another swig
I’ve sat long enough in that chair
It’s taken a lot for me to share
I used to get really sick
Thinking about facing it
But I’ve gotten tired of the story
Its repetition has started to bore me
I want to see in living color
The feelings aren’t “above her”
Gotta hunker down in the day
Can’t worry about what you say
I wish you all the very best
I hope I passed your test
Please take care of you
Keep on saying what is True
This is how it happens, Dear, just little by little
Because God knows you truly, deeply and all the places you’re still brittle
But He also knows your strengths, so don’t think that He doesn’t care
When around a certain issue He flings you up into the air
Maybe that’s the test you’re given, to see if you can fly
Or if on your way tumbling down you simply wave at passers by
This is the price we pay for being one of His beloved
Some days we rise ‘n’ shine and other days we may feel rugged
But no matter what happens, I beg you, please do not forget
To take your sense of humor along, to bring your love and wit
‘Cause these subjects are really heavy, and not only just for you
Think about all the others – you know, your family and your crew
We’re all fighting our battles inside in one way or another
And isn’t it cool that to ease our load we can (at times) lean on each other
You’re becoming aware of just how much others have pulled some of your weight
Don’t over-criticize yourself quite yet, it’s had to do with your lowly state
You’ve come to learn there are 3 different ways that the enemy can creep-in
Generational curses, harm done to you, and your own individual sin
The best news about all of this is that everything is getting clearer
You’ve unloaded a lot, you’ve done the work, you can finally look in the mirror !
You’re getting close to having the strength to help OTHERS carry THEIR loads
And on occasion you’ll be given the chance to listen and forebode
Pay attention to all of the messages that you’ve been gifted to receive
Keep your focus on your goals and continue to build strength in what you believe
No one can save you, you have to save your self
You have to fix your life, your perspectives, your health
If you don’t, unfortunately, neither can “they”
No matter who comes, who goes, or who stays
See this is adulthood… it can really be hard
You’ll wade through your karma, your past, its shards
You’ll blame other people, then look in the mirror
Your sight, if you work at it, will keep getting clearer
You’ll see them and they, she and then he
Then one day you’ll wake up and be shocked to see “me”
Now this is the part where you’ll want to give up
Because some of your decisions, when examined, they’re rough
You’ve been selfish and self-centered, you’ve blamed and shamed
You’ve labeled others’ demons, you’ve called them names
This started in childhood, when the chaos was rampant
You didn’t know when it was coming ‘cause you didn’t plan it
When the big people flailed, you had to learn to tell
Will this end in glory, or will I wind up in hell
Do I need to play it soft, sweet, and kind
Or do I need to “put up my dukes” and defend from a bind
But I’ll tell you something sweet, much sweeter than this
Life will give you good stuff you won’t want to miss
You’ll find love and friends, adopted sibs and parents
You’ll go on trips, tours…fulfill God-given errands
And yours are for you, so please don’t compare
We’re all of God’s children, special and rare
Stay present for your life, its gifts and struggles
When a fight comes up, show ‘em your knuckles
But when it gives you beauty, try to just rest
You can be totally relaxed and still be your best
As a matter of fact, God wants you to know
You’ve gotta take a break from lugging baggage in-tow
Thank you for deciding to try to be responsible
Just wait until you see what it can all make possible
Here we go, time to take a huge leap of faith
I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be a disgrace
To this path of healing that I willingly jumped on
When suddenly in the dark I got a glimpse of the dawn
Family of origin, we’ll be spending some time
So fucking rare it inspired these rhymes
It’s been over a decade, maybe even two
Of being trapped in the memories of all the abuse
In the younger years when it seemed like everyone was fighting
Back when I still knew how to purge with my writing
But we’re all growing up in our own little ways
Maybe these are the new-found lighter kind of days
Of laughter, joy, and everything else
We don’t have to accept the hand we thought we’d been dealt
It’s uncomfortable as hell but it’s cool to sit back and see
What we’re all going through and who we’re turning out to be
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably similar to
Childhood for us, which we all quickly outgrew
So a regression of sorts to when our hearts were open
I can see the healing in what felt irreparably broken
The journey isn’t over, I think it goes on forever
At least in this life, maybe an infinite endeavor
But I chose them, and they chose me
So we might as well work together to help each other see
The beauty of living with our hearts open wide
It ain’t easy but we can take it all in stride
We’ll hold hands, breathe deep, and take a leap together
Because some of these souls I’ve chosen forever
My soul people they are, so I suppose I’ll do
Everything I can, I’ll keep following the clues
From my guides, my God, and all of those willing
To help us on this rocky path towards forgiving
Ourselves and the ones we feel we’ve been harmed by
It may not always look like it, but every day I try
To give all the energy that I can muster up
I must say some days it doesn’t feel like enough
But along the way, I’ve learned how to be kind
To myself and others, no more navigating blind
Those days are over, time to face the light
Even on the days when it seems too goddamn bright
It’s okay to accept the love into our hearts
It’s from somewhere that we all have to pick a place start
Thank you for this process, it sure hasn’t been easy
It’s turned me into all sorts of different kinds of cheesy
Towards the people I meet as I continue to move on
And as I learn to accept the darkness with the dawn
Thank you for this life, it’s so beautiful and messy
What a gift to receive all these magical blessings
I’ll keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other
In my world that no longer requires an armor to cover-
Up who I am and who I really want to be
Which is a choice, and I choose, I think I’d rather be free
I feel as if I’m floating in a womb
Before now, honestly, it felt like a tomb
And maybe it was, I can’t be sure
I think both are rebirth and equally as pure
I am ready to be born and done with all of that
Small thinking and the internal tit for tat
So much work, it seems all I do is grind
I wonder if I will ever really come to find
My purpose here in the work that I do
To my current state I feel stuck like glue
What am I waiting for and when will it come?
In the meantime maybe I’ll come undone
Perhaps that’s the purpose, a slow death of the old
Maybe you have to experience some kind of chokehold
Before you’ll give up and scream Uncle in this chapter
Right when it turns into an utter disaster
Because healing and change don’t always feel good
They challenge everything that’s under the hood
Of our Selves, our hearts, and all of our beliefs
Sometimes it takes years, other times it’s brief
What a strange feeling of death and birth
I can honestly say that it feels like a first
But I think it’s because I was focused on the end
The thought of new beginnings blew away with the wind
The darkness used to come and go much more quickly
But this year it turned into weeks and months of sick me
Maybe now it’s time that I get a small glimpse
Beyond the heavy muck and everything dense
I welcome the light when it’s ready to be
Something I deserve and am prepared to see
I get little sparks of hope, I find comfort in my people
I found I can pray on my knees without a steeple
It’s a constant thing that I try to do
Communicate with those who are willing to come through
With a message for me, from this plane or another
That give me signs of the things that are yet to be uncovered
Thank you for the gifts of my family’s healing
Sometimes it still feels like a dream and my mind’s reeling
I’m ready to be done with this old conditioned wiring
I need to break through and feel something inspiring
I can and I will, it’s a matter of time
For now I’ll keep giving the old clock a wind
Everyday Awakenings 